All I Ever Wanted

   RALI - Twenty-three Years Old.

My hands were clammy with sweat as I stared at the entrance for what felt like the hundredth time.

A shiver ran down my spine, but it wasn't from the chilly breeze sneaking in from the rooftop terrace where I sat. It was that tiny voice in my head, mocking me that this was going to be like every other time.

Sweat trickled down my neck despite the crisp November air. My fingers tapped an uneven rhythm on the edge of the table, the only thing keeping me grounded as anxiety crept up on me like an unwelcome guest.

My phone buzzed beside me. Sighing, I reached for it and read the text message from Veronica.

Veronica: Hey, babe. How's it going? Don't tell me you two are kissing already!

A sad smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I typed back a response.

Me: 'Well, we're definitely kissing. Right here in my imagination. We're the perfect couple.

It took her longer to reply this time, and I could imagine her being affected by the news.

Veronica: Ohhh, I see! So he's that type of guy—mysterious, invisible, possibly imaginary. Definitely a keeper!

I laughed, the heaviness in my chest easing a little. Well, she definitely knew how to make bad situations a little better.

Another buzz.

Veronica: Just hold on tight, honey. I'm sure he's stuck in traffic or something.

I rolled my eyes.

Me: The last time, you said the last person's wallet probably went missing and he's stuck looking for it. Now, this?

Veronica: Well, I might just be right this time. Just hold on, okay?

I sighed wearily, dropping the phone and staring back at the entrance. Still, no sign of him.

I decided to stick to Veronica's words anyway and wait some more.

Veronica was my adopted sister. I was eight months older than her, and it had been so easy bonding as she was a very funny and lively person.

Mummy and daddy had brought her in two years after 'he' left. After the horrible incident that left me traumatized for a really long time.

Memories of that horrible day flooded my mind. Eventually, the monster had vanished after beating Jasper to unconsciousness. I'd called for help and fortunately, Jasper survived after meeting the doctor. But he kept his distance from me and was no longer my friend.

It was a loss that ran deep and made me cry for several weeks. It also made me detest the monster who was my brother and hope I never get to see him again.

He never returned home, and it's been sixteen years already. There was still no news of him. I honestly hoped there would never be. 

I glanced at the watch on my wrist. 8:15 PM.

We'd agreed to meet at seven, yet here I was, my half glass of wine the only companion I had.

Resigned, I signaled a waiter, cleared the bill and left.

A weight like stone settled in my chest as I walked down the quiet street leading to my home. I was grateful I'd picked a place close to my apartment this time so I didn't have to go through the hassle of finding a cab.

The chill of the evening breeze kissed my face, yet it didn't do much to cool the burning humiliation in my chest.

It always happens. I'm never lucky.

Halfway down that street, that feeling returned—a cold prickle spreading across my skin, raising the hairs on my arms.

I turned quickly, hoping to see someone, but I'm met with the rows of parked cars and shadowy houses lining the street.

There was no one—like always.

A small frown creased my brows.

Someone was watching me.

For a long time, I'd been getting this feeling. But each time I turned for a look, I never find anyone. Yet, I couldn't shake off the instinct that there was someone around, keeping an eye on me.

.....

I was about to scan my fingerprint on the door lock when it sprung open, revealing Veronica, her red hair loose around her shoulders. She must have spotted me through the window.

A flurry of emotions crossed her face before she settled for sadness. My glum expression had already told her it was a disaster as always.

She was speechless. I shrugged, brushing past her into the warm apartment we shared.

"Rali—" She started. I heard her close the door.

"Seriously, it's fine, Nica," I cut her off. "I get it. He was probably on his way when he ran into a lady who's prettier than me and decided to spend some time with her." I spoke casually, bending over to unbuckle my denim sandals in the middle of the living room.

I could feel Veronica's heated glare on my back. "Don't you dare—"

"Or maybe, he had a rethink and probably hit himself in the head for even considering asking me out to dinner in the first place. Why must he waste his time with someone like me?" I spoke over her again, still not looking at her as I finished with my sandals.

"Rali! I said stop it!" She snapped, marching over to stand in front of me.

I stood barefooted with my sandals in my hands now, and I rolled my eyes, bracing for her lecture. It was practically a tradition by now.

"I've told you—you're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I'm not even saying this because you're my bestfriend or sister or whatever. I'm saying it because it's the truth. You know me, Rali; I don't mince words to please people."

Well, that was correct. If there was one brutally honest person I knew, it was Veronica.

She wasn't the first person to tell me I was beautiful.

Growing up, I'd enjoyed a lot of attention from both genders, but for some odd reason, it never led to anything good. The boys who showed interest in me always ended up becoming distant. Sometimes, they just vanished, and when I happen to meet a few others, they ignored me like I never existed to them.

It was heartbreaking, and despite my good features, I was forced to believe I wasn't good enough for anyone. Maybe I wasn't as pretty as I thought.

Veronica went on, talking about self confidence, worth, my beauty, bla bla bla. I've heard that lecture a thousand times I was pretty sure I'd score an A if there was an exam for it.

"I know," I said with exhaustion when Veronica finished. "It just sucks being a virgin at twenty-three, you know?"

"I—I understand. But you know we could just find you a hot one-night stand, right?" 

I shook my head. 

My eyes caught onto her laptop. I gave her my disappointing look when I saw the content on her screen. 

"Seriously? You still reading about him?" I cocked a brow. 

"What is wrong with reading about him? Everyone does!" She rolled her eyes like I was the weird one. 

"Nica, the guy is dangerous, a murderer and a psychopath! He's no different from the men he haunts."

"Nobody's disputing the fact that he's dangerous, but he's... Void you know? It's hard not to crush on him."

I still couldn't understand how they could crush on someone like him.

Nobody even knew who he was. He was like a shadow who continuously wrecked havoc on his enemies. 

From what I gathered, he named himself Void because he was known to not have feelings. He tortured and killed mercilessly, and it was amusing how after all these years, he was still leading.

He singlehandedly weakened the link of the Underworld—a world filled with bad men who did bad things. He killed and sent a lot of the leaders running. I'd have respected him for that, but I didn't think he did any of that to please people. If you ask me, I'd say he was only trying to satisfy his ego of making himself the King of the world. 

Nobody knew what he looked like, but a lot of people knew and feared him. And seriously, I hope I never get to meet him. 

Why would I even? People like me never get to meet people like him anyway. 

"What would you want to eat? I baked some fish pies!" Veronica shouted from behind as I started toward the stairs.

"Your fish pies are horrible." I didn't turn for another glance as I ascended the stairs and reached my room.

I tiredly dropped the sandals on the floor, tossed my bag, aiming for the bed but it ended up on the floor instead. I ignored it and removed the rest of my clothes, then proceeded to the bathroom.

It hurt, though—not being in love. Not even knowing what it feels like.

My whole life, I've always wanted to love and be loved passionately. It was the reason I was still a virgin. I didn't want to engage in random emotionless one-night stands like Veronica and the rest. I wanted to give my body to the right man, under the right circumstances, knowing fully well that he loved me.

I wanted my first time to be epic and romantic. It's always been my wish to have a smooth love life. But now, I was starting to consider Veronica's advice and go for a one night stand.

Being a virgin at twenty-three was exhausting. I've had too many imaginations already, and my arousal was getting harder to control.

I wasn't sure I could wait anymore. Perhaps, true love was never for me.