Chapter 2

I didn't answer. I turned to my mother instead.

"Mom, has the London program you told me about opened applications yet?"

She paused. "They open soon. Are you thinking of applying?"

I nodded.

Mom looked surprised. "I thought you and Evan were moving to New York together."

As graduation got closer, Evan and I had agreed to look for jobs there.

Then, at Claire's birthday party, I happened to catch sight of a handwritten letter he'd given her. That was how I learned the truth.

Evan wanted New York because Claire was going.

Liam was moving there too. He said that if all three of them were in the city, they could look after Claire.

Only after they'd finished arguing it out did they remember I was sitting right there.

"Nina can come too," Evan had said casually. "With one more person there, we can all look out for one another."

For Claire, they'd chosen an entire city.

When it came to me, I was merely one more person who could help everyone look out for one another.

I forced a strained smile. "I don't think I want to go anymore."

Whether I was there or not didn't make any real difference.

Mom studied my face. In the end she didn't ask, just reached over and smoothed my hair.

"Then we'll wait for applications to open and get yours in."

I nodded and shut myself in my room.

When I checked my phone again, Evan had already answered Claire for me.

You think everyone's like you. Nina's considerate. She'd never care about something that small.

I stared at the word 'considerate'.

The truth was, I cared.

Evan was my boyfriend, and yet everyone was convinced that he and Claire were the ones meant for each other. He'd never corrected a single person. He just let the jokes keep coming.

I cared very much.

I had expressed my unhappiness to Evan before.

The four of us had gone to a movie. On the way back, I took his hand.

"Could you stop being so close to Claire?" I asked.

He looked surprised, then laughed it off.

"You think I want to be this close to her? If she weren't your friend, I'd never spend a minute with someone that bossy.

"Be considerate, Nina. Don't make an issue out of nothing.

"Come on. They're calling us from up ahead."

He was already walking before he finished the sentence. My fingers slipped off his sleeve.

Just like today, every objection I raised got waved away with one light, careless word: considerate.

Then Claire sent a voice message to the group.

"Don't get smug. Next time you fall into my hands, it won't be as simple as carrying me on your back!"

Evan answered instantly.

You don't scare me.

I opened our private conversation.

At eight the night before, I'd sent him a New York job listing and said I wanted to try for it. Two hours later he'd replied, Sure, sounds good.

The message before that was three days older. I'd asked how his senior thesis was going.

An hour later he'd answered, Fine.

At the exact minute I sent that question, he'd been in the group chat responding to a meme Claire shared.

The farther back I scrolled, the longer and more thoughtful his replies got. The closer to now, the shorter and more indifferent.

Then someone tagged me in the group again.

I opened it and stared at the photo attached.

Oops, Nina! Claire wrote. I broke your barrette by accident. I'm so sorry! Tell me what it cost and I'll pay you back.

Before I could type anything, Evan sent his own.

It's fine. It's just a barrette. It wasn't worth much.

My fingers went still.

All at once I remembered every other time Claire had ruined something of mine and Evan had decided for me that it didn't matter.

Once, Claire tore my fellowship application.