CHAPTER 2

TWO YEARS

I spent the entire day pretending Adrian's words hadn't bothered me. It was almost embarrassing how hard I tried. I went to work, answered emails, attended meetings and even laughed at a joke one of my colleagues made during lunch.

From the outside, I probably looked perfectly normal. Inside, however, I kept replaying the same conversation over and over again. We're fine the way we are. I hated those words, not because Adrian had said them, but because I no longer knew what they were supposed to mean.

For two years, I had accepted whatever Adrian gave me without asking for more. I had told myself that our relationship was complicated, that everyone had their own pace and that love didn't always need a name.

Whenever someone asked if we were together, I would smile and let Adrian answer for both of us. Sometimes he said we were best friends. Other times he simply laughed and changed the subject. I had never corrected him. Maybe I was afraid of what would happen if I did.

That evening, I arrived home later than usual. My mother was in the living room, folding laundry while my father sat nearby with his newspaper. The moment she saw me, she looked up and asked why I was late. I placed my bag on the sofa and blamed work, but my mother studied my face for several seconds.

She had always been too observant for my liking. Unlike most people, she didn't need me to say anything before she knew something was wrong. Did you and Adrian argue? she asked. I froze for half a second before denying it. My mother raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but I quickly walked over and helped her fold the clothes. Thankfully, she didn't press the matter.

My parents had always been close to Adrian's family. Our homes were only a short drive apart, and it wasn't unusual for me to spend several nights a week at Adrian's apartment. In fact, my parents had stopped asking where I was years ago. They knew. Everyone knew. The only person who seemed determined not to know was Adrian.

My phone vibrated on the table. I glanced down and saw Adrian's name on the screen. Are you home? I stared at the message for a moment before replying that I was. His answer came almost immediately. Come over. I frowned and asked why, but his response was exactly what I expected from him. Because I said so.

I almost laughed. Adrian could be unbelievably irritating and somehow still get exactly what he wanted. I told him I was tired, but he immediately pointed out that I said that every time I didn't want to see him. I should have ignored him. Instead, when he sent my name alone in another message, I found myself reaching for my coat.

Twenty minutes later, I was standing outside his apartment. Adrian opened the door before I could knock twice. He was wearing a black T-shirt and grey sweatpants, his hair still slightly damp from a shower. He looked at me with an expression somewhere between amusement and annoyance. You came.

I reminded him that he had told me to come, then walked past him before he could say anything else. Adrian closed the door and followed me into the living room.

What? I asked when I caught him staring.

Nothing.

Then stop staring.

He smiled. You're in a bad mood.

I crossed my arms and told him I wasn't, but Adrian only shook his head. He had always been annoyingly good at noticing when I was upset, even if he never understood the reason behind it. When he asked if he had done something, the question caught me off guard. Adrian had never been good at noticing my feelings, but sometimes he surprised me.

I looked away and told him he hadn't done anything. He didn't believe me. I could see it in the way his expression changed as he studied my face. For a moment, I considered telling him the truth. I wanted to ask why he had spent two years sleeping with me while insisting we were only friends.

I wanted to know if he had ever imagined a future with me or if I was simply convenient. I wanted to ask whether the promise we had made as children had meant anything to him at all. But the words stayed trapped in my throat. Instead, I shrugged and blamed my mood on exhaustion.

Adrian stared at me for a while before walking closer. His hand reached for mine, and despite everything, I let him take it. He pulled me toward the sofa and sat down, dragging me beside him. A movie played quietly on the television, but neither of us was paying attention.

After a few minutes, Adrian rested his head against my shoulder. I looked down at him and wondered how someone could make me feel so loved and so uncertain at the same time.

Sometimes I think you're only nice to me because you feel guilty, I said softly.

Adrian lifted his head and asked what he should feel guilty about. I smiled faintly and told him it was nothing. He narrowed his eyes and pointed out that I said that too much. I laughed despite myself, and he immediately looked satisfied, as though making me smile had solved whatever problem he thought I was hiding.

That was the problem with Adrian. He could hurt me without even realizing it, then do something small and ordinary that made me forget why I was angry. I had spent years allowing him to do that. Maybe I had become too used to him. Maybe I had allowed our childhood promise to grow into something it was never meant to be.

Later that night, I woke up in Adrian's bed with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. The room was dark, and the only sound was his quiet breathing behind me. I stared at the ceiling, wondering what would happen if I stopped coming here. Would Adrian miss me? Would he notice the empty space beside him, or would he simply find someone else to fill it? The thought was painful enough to make my chest ache.

I turned carefully and looked at his sleeping face. Adrian seemed peaceful, completely unaware of the storm inside my head. I reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead. He stirred slightly, his eyes remaining closed as he mumbled my name.

Jerry?

I'm here.

His arm tightened around my waist.

Don't leave.

My hand froze against his chest. I stared at him for several seconds before a faint smile touched my lips. I leaned closer and whispered that I wouldn't leave, even though he was already asleep and probably hadn't heard me.

At the time, I thought it was just another promise between Adrian and me.

I didn't know that one day, he would give me a reason to break it.