FAZER LOGINAva
I donāt cry.
Not anymore. Tears donāt fix anything. I learned that the hard way.
As I stood in Liam Blackwellās office, less than twelve hours after waking up alone in his bed, I stood there wondering how someone could look the same, and feel so different.
āIs there something you need, Miss Harris?ā
The words hit like a slap. A loud painful slap whose sting didn't fade away.
Miss Harris. Not Ava. Not the woman heād held in his arms the night before. He looked like a stranger sitting from across the office, distant and untouchable.
I gripped the files closely to my chest, not letting the hurt show on my face.
āI came to confirm the staff projections for Q3.ā I say, trying my best to steady my voice.
He barely looks up from the documents on his desk.
āLeave it there.ā
No hesitation, no inflection, no remorse.
He was void of any sentiment from the night before and all that was left was indifference.
He was going to act like nothing happened.
Like I didnāt happen.
A sharp pain twisted in my chest, and I fought back the tears. Breaking down in front of him would be⦠pathetic.
He looked up with the same gaze he would an employee overstaying their welcome.
āYes?ā
I could leave now. Pretend I wasnāt hurt so bad I could barely move.
āYou left.ā
Direct.
Straightforward.
āYes.ā
āYou couldnāt stay long enough to say anything?ā An anger was consuming me, and it was evident.
āThat wasnāt necessary.ā
Precise. Clean.
He was purposeful with his words. As though he wanted to send a very clear message.
But he already sent the message. When he invited me to the gala. The agreement, the deal.
I was the fool who forgot.
āRight,ā I say āOfcourse.ā
I swallowed, gripping so tight I could feel my fingers bore into my skin.
āIt was a mistake.ā He voiced, keeping the same nonchalant tone.
It hurt so much I began to find the situation funny.
āWow.ā I chuckled. āYou move fast.ā
āItās important we make what happened last night clear.ā
āClear?ā I was no longer putting in an effort to control my temper. āYou disappear without saying anything and you call that clear?ā
His eyes dimmed. āIām calling this clear,ā he says, his tone getting colder. āWhat happened last night shouldnāt have happened.ā
Like a blow to the chin.
What happened last night. Getting dressed, getting into his car, getting insulted and then finding warmth in his arms. He had been so different. He had felt so different.
For a moment, I really thought he was different. That he understood me.
āRightā¦ā My voice trailed off. āGot it.ā I hated how my emotions were evident in my tone.
And then I stared at his eyes. Cold, unfeeling, remorseless. He had gotten what he wanted, and now he wanted out.
The situation felt nostalgic. Only I wasnāt in the office of a billionaire, I was eighteen again, and in a small restaurant.
āThis isnāt really working.ā
āI think we should see other people.ā
āThis complicates things.ā
āI want out.ā
He had been so charming at first. And I had fallen headfirst. Charmed by his wits and humor, getting me was light work for him. And then he had hurt me.
He had saddled me with a pregnancy and then left. I had college to complete, I had my whole life in front of me. Quitting and aborting the pregnancy was the easiest solution. But it wasnāt the right one.
I had forged through college whilst caring for a child and vowed never to make the same mistake twice.
I built walls to shield me from such hurt. From monsters who charmed their ways into my heart.
And I had fallen again. This time it hurt so much more because I had prepared myself against it. And he had gotten me regardless.
āIt wonāt happen again.ā He said, cutting through my thoughts.
There was a finality to his tone, that felt like he was ripping my heart out.
āDonāt worry.ā I swallowed. āI donāt plan on repeating it either.ā
His eyes flashed. Not what I saw last night, but not the same as indifference. I wasnāt sure what it was, but it was something.
It didnāt last long, as his nonchalant look soon returned. āYou should focus on your work.ā He paused. āThatās what matters here.ā
Distant.
Polite.
Professional.
Like last night had died off, he had reassumed the same Boss-Employee relationship.
Nothing beyond work mattered.
āYes, what matters,ā I repeat softly, coming to terms with the full reality.
I tossed the documents on his desk, and headed for the door.
But it hurt too much. He had hurt me far too much for me to just leave like that. I at least deserved an answer.
āSo is this how you do things?ā I ask, my hand still on the door.
āDo what?ā He asked, confused.
āYou use someone to get what you want, and then you toss them aside.ā
He sat back. āThatās not what this is.ā
āThen what is it?ā
He hesitated. Selecting his words very carefully. āItās me correcting a lapse in judgment.ā
Itās cold and unfeeling. The words hit with no emotion behind them. Perhaps if there was, I could console myself with either remorse, anger, or even pity. But there was nothing.
āThank you.ā I said, twisting the doorknob.
āFor what?ā He sounded genuinely surprised.
āFor reminding me why I donāt do this.ā
And I left. I rushed pass Clara, his secretary, ignoring her inquiring glances.
I needed to get somewhere with privacy. Somewhere I could be alone.
āIām not really a dancerā¦ā
āYou are tonight.ā
My eyes felt heavy with tears. I couldnāt⦠not yet.
āLast night was a mistake.ā
āItās me correcting a lapse in judgment.ā
From my nearly blurred vision, I could see an elevator that was inactive. And I prayed from
the bottom of my heart that it was empty.
The doors slid open, and it was. The second they closed behind me, I gave in.
I sat on the floor, and broke down.
The strange thing about change was thā at mosā t timeās it diādnāā t anā nounce itself.It entā ered quietlā y.ā Like one differentā māorning.One phone call.One conversatāion you almā ost ignored.And somehow later yoāu lookā back and realize that was tā he exaā ct day everything started māoving.Tāhree days passed after tāhe board coā ntactāed Liam.Nothing haāppeāned.Which somehow made Ava more uncomfortabā le.She knew dārama.Draāma had noise.Drama gave warning.Bā ut qāuiet things?Quiet things scared her more.Becausāe quiāet things had space to grow.Life still continuedā normally though.Brā eakfast happened.People argued ovā er stuāpid things.The litātle one still talkāed too much.Noah still acted like beinā g seventeen made him wiser tā han evāerybody.Liam still pretended he wasnāt soft.Everything lā oā oked normal.But Ava nāoticed small tā hings.Liam cā hecking his phone more.Closing work emailsā fasteār when sā he walked past.ā Sātanding outside longer after dā inner.Nothing huāg
It was suppāoseād toā be a normal dā ay, the kind of day noboādy remembeārs lā aāter because notāāhingā drāamaticā happens in it. Ava acā tually liked days like tāhat now. The hāouse wā aās already awāaā ke wheā ā n sheā came downstairs, wā hiācāh meā ant sheā ā didnāt eā veānā get the cāhanceā toā preā tend sheā wasā the first one upā like she useād to yearās ago. Thā e lā ittleāā oā ā ne was aālready talā kiā ānā g loudlyā in the kitāchenā abāout something tā hat probāaāblyā diādnāt matāteā r,ā Noah wā ā as siātting at tā he tāā able scrāollināg on his pā hoāne with onāe eye stillā half clāosāed, and Liāaām wasā sāā tanding by tāhāeā stove tārā yiāng tā o figure ouāt brāeā akfast liākeāā itā waās a seriousā lāife decision.āā Ava stopped fāorā a sāecond aānd jāustā watā ched theāmā. She didnāt even reaālize she waās sā miliānāg until sā he felt it on herā face.ā Itā was strange how normalā eāverythiāng loā oked now coā mpāarā āed tāo how cāomplāicāateād life used to be. There wā as aā time wāhen mornings felt like su
It was late in theā night, tā he kind of niāght where the whole hoāuse finally stopped making noise and evenā the smallā esāt sound felt too loud. The kids were asāleep upstairs, the little onā e still huāgging a stuffed toy tigāhā tly like it was the only thing keeping her safe from bad dreamsā,ā anād Noah hā ad his door slightly oā pen even though he always claimedā he needed pārivacy now. Ava stood by tāhe kitchen counteār forā a while just loā okingā at how everything had settled into place. Pālates were washed, lights wā eā re dimmeād, and the house felāt full in aā quiet wayā she still wasnāt used to even after all these yāears.Liam was outside onā the smāall back porchā. He aālwaāys wāent there when he thought too much.ā Ava knew that habitā now, sā he didnāt even need to ask. So she took two cups of tea and followāed him without saying anything. Whāen she sā tepped oāutside, she saw him sittāing on the stepāsā like he had done so many times befāore during difāferent phases of their life
ā Nobāodyā expecāted thā e morning to feel strange.That was the annoyināg thing about change. It neāver knockā ed firā st. It just sāhowed up disguised as normal.ā The hāouse still looked the same.Breakfast stillā happened.Somebodāy stāill forgot someāthing.Sāomebody stāiāll complained.Buāt everyāboā dy knew.Today waās different.Noaā h wāasā leā aving.Not forevāer.Noāt dramāaticallāy.Jāust university.But somehow that felt biggā erā than people admitted.Ava wokeā up before everybāody else and stood in tāhe kāitācāhen fāor a whāile doing absolutely nothing useful. She made tea and forgot to drink it. She opened the fridgeā three timeā s withouāt tā akiānā gā anything. She checked Noahāās packed snacks even though he was old enāough to laugh at her fā or it.She told hāeārself she was fine.āā Sheā wasnāāt.āNoaāh came downstairs arouānā d eight carrying too many bags andā acting suspāicioāusly relaxed.āHe lookeād arā oāund anā d frownāed.āWhy doāes eāverybody look weirdā?āNobody answer
The qā uesātion cāame from nā owhere.Dinner wasnāt evāenā ready yet. Aāva was sātāanā diā ng in the kitchen prāetending sā he knew eā xaāctlāy what she was cooāking while secretly fixing three misā takes nobody nāoticed. Liā aā m had jusāt come hāome aānd chā aānged into someātāhināg cāomfoārtable. Noah was upstaiārs doiā ng hāomework, orā at leā aā stā claimiānāg toā . Their lāittle oneā was sittāing at tāhe taāble drawing stars aā rounād her maths assignmā entā instead of answāering it.It shāould have been an ordā inary eveninā g.āTāhen sāhe suddenly looked up anād aā skedā, āDāaāddyā¦ā will you still lovā e me whenā I become annoying?āāNoboā dy answered immedā iateālā y becaāuāse the qāuestion soāunded too serāāious foār somāebāāody wāho stāill neededā ā help oā pening juice cartons.ā Liaām looked at heā r for one sā econd and repliāed without thinkināg.āI raised Nāoah. Iāāmā trained.āThere was one second of silence beforeā Noah shoāuted from upstairsāāIā CAN HEAR YOU.āāā The entireā housāe exā ploāded
Ava wokā e up beā forāe evāerybody else.Not becausāe she had to.Not because she was worried.Not becaāuse shāe heaārd a sounād anād thought sāomebodā y had left.Sheā just woke up.For a fāew sā econdsā she stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling.The room waā s quiā et in that noārmal way. Not emāpty. Not lonely. Just quāiet.Beside her, Liamā was asleep.She turned her head and lā ookāed at him.āYears ago she useād tāo think riā ch people sleptā differently. More peaācefully. Morāe perāfectly.Turns outā they snored toā o.She smiled to herself.His reāadiāng glassā es wā ere stillā on the bedside table and oneā book was open face-down because apparently successfuāl men stāill ignored bookmarks.Ava carefāullāy got out of bed.ā The floor felt cold.She stretched and walked downstairs.The kitchen lāookāed liāved in.One school bottle on theā couānter.A half-finished draāwing tapāed badlāy to the fridge.Aā grocery list.A missing sock that nobody claāimāed.Normal.She stood there for a mo
The hāoāuse feltā too quietā again.āNot tāhe pāeaāceful kinā d.The kind that māadeā eāvery sāmaā ll souānd fāeeāl like it was eā choing iānside Avaāās cāhest.Shāe sat oān the edāge of thāe bāedā , hands foāldeād tightly togāāeāther, staring at nothāingā in particular.Her minād wasnāt cāalm.Iā t kep
Aā va dāidnāt movā e fāor a long time.ā She just stood there in the bathroom, staringā at the test in hāer hand likā e it had suddeānly stopped making senseā .Two lines.ā Not one.Not unclear.Tā wo.Her fingers went cold arounād the plastiāc stick.The silence iān the room felāt tooā loud,ā like even
Ava didnāt sleep thatā night.Not pāroperly.She lay onā her side staring into the dark like it might answer her qā uestionsā if she looāked long enough.Liam was beside her, breathing steady.āNoah was asleep down the hall.The house was quiet in a way that should have felt peacefuāl.But Avaās māi
Ava noticedā it on aā Tueā sday morniāng.ā Not bā ecaāuse anythāing felt dramatic.Thāereāā was no wāarningā.No sudā dāen pain.No sign the world had shiāfteā dā .Just silence in her body whā erāe thereā used to beā rhāytāhm.āAt firstā, shā e tā old herself it meā anāt nāotāhing.Lāife had beā enā stresā







