History repeats itself

When Sofia woke up , it was to sterile white ceiling, with the smell of antiseptic filling  her nostrils. Her head was sore, her body sore, and a throbbing ache in her tummy . She gazed upon me very slowly, and tried to remember how she had arrived at this point. Then all was back--the dinner, the stair, the fall. Panic seized her chest, and she made a movement, but a pain in her tummy froze  her.

"Sofia?" a soft voice called. She stopped and one of the nurses was recording her vitals with a clipboard.

"W-what... happened?" The voice of Sofia was scarcely more than a whisper.

"You had a fall. Now you are all right.” The nurse replied professionally. “I’ll inform the doctor and your mate  you’re awake.” 

The wait felt endless.

"How are you feeling?" Damien asked as he walked into the room, his face and voice void of emotions.

"I... I'm okay, I guess." Her throat felt tight. She would have liked to tell it all--how scared she was, how she had been capable of being able to feel the baby moving just a few days earlier, but now she felt empty, but the words stuck in her throat.

“Hm.” Came his cold reply.

The doctor came in , holding a folder. “How are you feeling, Mets Damien.”

“I’m fine Doc, how is my baby?” Sofia asked the doctor the question that had been on her mind since she regained consciousness.

“Sofia, I am afraid that due to the fall, there were some complications. I'm very sorry. You have lost the baby." The doctor said. 

“You… you mean my baby is gone? My child is dead?” Sofia asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I am so sorry,” the doctor continued, “We tried our very best to save the child, but your body has grow weak, and your uterus severely dam anger.  It would pose a threat to your life in case of another pregnancy. Your body may not be able to carry another  pregnancy again.”

Her mind spun. Another pregnancy... life-threatening? She wanted to scream and fight against the injustice  but her body was too weak. The reality was great, and it was heavy on her chest.

Damien was a few feet away with his emotionally void  face and said at last, “I am, sorry, Sofia. But… I think it’s time we face the truth.” 

"What do you mean?" Her voice cracked. “What do you mean it is time we faced the truth? What truth? The truth that I had my lost my baby and  can never carry another one again?”

He  leaned himself against the wall, and crossed his arms with a sigh. “Yes, that truth. We can't... keep pretending. Probably, it is time to look in different directions. New beginnings. What's best for both of us. Let us go our separate ways, maybe we rushed into all of this. Hence this is happening.”

Sofia's chest tightened. "Different paths? Rushed into this? Damien... you are saying--you are saying-“

“I mean, we have to take into consideration what we can do. You have suffered... repeated miscarriages. And I have gone through repeated disappointments. You're in danger. I no longer continue this... I can no longer see  you carry on like this. I am tired of being forced to face heartbreak  and disappointment each time.”

“Disappointment? You think this is heartbreak? You think I want this? You... you never have been here... you never have been here! You're always so distant! I've tried ! I have attempted Damien to reach you to get some warmth or response at all but you have simply changed  after the second miscarriage ! I carry these kids Damien! You suppose that I do not feel pain I lose them?” Her voice rose, trembling  with the emotion. 

Damien didn't move closer. He didn't touch her.Not even a flicker of guilt or emotions crossed his features. "Sofia... I just want what is good to both of us. You should rest. Think about your future. Think about yourself.”

“This isn't about what's best. This is not about me; or my future. This is about you. You're already leaving me. I can feel it.” She cried. “But I want something else. I want us. I want... us to stay together. I love you!"

Damien's jaw tightened. "I know that's what you want. Nevertheless, love is not necessarily enough. Survival should come first at times. And love is secondary."

Survival. The term pierced her heart. It was not concerning their relationship. It was not about him wanting whats best for her.

It was him getting rid of her without feeling guilt.

“It is not easy without you, I can never do this without you,” Sofia . "I can't... I can't lose everything again. Please, let’s fight for us, for our future.”

He did not say anything, and then with a sort of calmness, even of indifference, he spoke up. “There is no us or a future. You can not get pregnant again. You can not give me an heir. What future would that be?  One without heirs, is nothing worth fighting for.”

Sofia felt as though a stranger were the one talking not the ma she loved years ago. She would have touched him, would have held his hand, would have made him feel the nothingness in her, but the words would not come out of her throat. She was alone, she lost not only by the baby she has been growing, but also the man she trusted the most.

"I..." She almost  choked on  the word, “I do not know whether I can do this. First, I lose my babies. Now  want me to lose you?” 

Damien did not reply at once. He stared at her face, but he did not feel pity or remorse for her. Only indifference and slight disgust. "You'll survive. You're strong. You always have been."

The thing is that his words should have comforted her, but it did not happen. Strength was not what she desired. She wanted him. She wanted a family. She wanted hope. She did not desire being treated based on her child bearing prowess.

"Let's end this." Damien said as he left the room.