Lahat ng Kabanata ng Hush, Baby: Kabanata 31 - Kabanata 40

A price?A...I can’t even say the word again, my mind is suddenly blank, unable to think, to process, to understand!What does he mean by that?!!“I understand your reaction.” He says with sympathetic eyes, his lips pulled into the kindest smile, and something insides me tells me he truly understands everything I am feeling without me saying it.This man! he is really something else, the things he says feel like the harshest slaps but his gestures, his touches, and the look in his beautiful eyes feel like the soothing caresses on the sore skin.“I…” my words are stuck in my throat, I take a deep breath and close my eyes, I feel anxiety building up, ready to take over, so I try to calm myself down.It is all in the past, Natalia, you are okay! You are safe now!Don’t lose it at the man’s house!“I am not that kind of woman!” my voice is small, I know, but at least I manage to get the words out, to me that is an accomplishment, especially with the way I am feeling right now!“I know, Sw

‘You don’t really believe that, do you?’ I hear my little devil whisper and I wish that for once I can slap the little fucker!I am already in a huge dilemma and I don’t need him making things even harder!However, I can’t deny the fact that I am having the same doubts, I mean, Nate’s story just seems a little, odd!“I know it is hard to believe, Natalia, but I swear it is the truth!” he says this with his mouth but not with his eyes, and therefore, my heart can’t believe him, not fully at least, I feel that there are some missing parts in his story, ones that he is deliberately ignoring and leaving behind.

“I did not say anything, plus nothing really happened!” I offer him a reassuring smile, as we descend the stairs, unable to get rid of the feeling I had in that room while watching him and his father!A part of me is envious, the other part is warmed, I feel as if the three of us share a very unique relationship, like a family, and that side I saw of him in front of his father, the genuinely good and pure man who values his family and loved ones, the vulnerable son who is afraid of losing his father just makes me question everything I have learned about him in his bedroom.Why can’t I make up my mind about this man! Why can’t he be just bad or just good, why does he have to be both, so soft yet so edgy!

The ride is awkwardly silent, I don’t even know where we are heading, Maisie is driving, Emma is sitting next to her on the passenger’s seat while I am sitting in the back, I guess they have decided to give me some time to calm down before facing me, it is already night, and the car is dark as well as being silent.The perfect atmosphere for me to contemplate the things I have done, the things I have learned, and the things I am going to tell my friends.I feel dizzy and nauseous, but mostly disgusted with myself and the way I have acted, our sinful, lustful deeds, which felt so good and satisfying before, taste like bile now, one that is not only bitter but heavy!

“Was it really necessary to lie to her?!” I hear Maisie whisper, her voice hushed and laced with guilt, she sounds like she is whimpering from the inside, but why? And what do they mean by 'lie'?“It is the only way!” Emma replies, the urgency in her voice barely contained.I take careful quite steps towards the kitchen’s door and place my hand on my mouth to calm my erratic breathing, the voices are closer now, and I can hear both of them clearly without letting them see me.“You have seen it with your own eyes, Maisie! She was all into him again!” Emma spits out, and I have a pretty solid idea of what they are talking about!But again? What lie?Did the