There is a table. I am sitting at the table. I feel numb. There is a slip of paper in front of me, a check with a lot of zeros. It feels like I am being mocked by these zeros. There is someone across from me but I do not wish to look at them. I can hear countless voices around me, insulting me, laughing at me. I am mad. I want to kill them all. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them.

I was sitting on the ground of the balcony connected to the room I was in, the door still wide open behind me. I was looking up at the night sky, it was filled with many stars that seemed to shine brighter due to the reflection from the barrier surrounding this place. I thought back to what Drucilla said to me when I asked her about it….  “Well, you see… In the past, we really didn’t want to have any connection with anyone other than ourselves so we made a barrier that only we could open. No one was allowed in and no one was allowed to leave either. We didn’t believe anyone on the outside was good enough for us. Of course that changed after the events that made that being but we still keep the barrier up.” Drucilla was looking out the window that was in the hallway. She had an unreadable look in her eyes as she looked at the barrier that seemed to stretch and cover everywhere.  “Why is the b

I really don’t know how to feel about getting a fever after arriving in a new place. It wasn’t even a fever that would leave after two days or something like that. I was sick for basically half a month and I can’t remember most of the things that happened when I was sick. For some reason, I kept remembering the person with the beautiful eyes and for some reason a male with a nice smile.  Whenever I tried to figure out who the male with the nice smile was, my head would get a painful headache and it felt like my heart was breaking. For some reason, I knew that I didn’t want to remember this male… It just felt like something I am too scared to face…  It is embarrassing to remember that I kept calling out for Mae during the time I was sick. I even kept mistaking Drucilla for her and holding onto her hand.

I was pretty irritated for a few days since the pain from my cramps just wanted to screw me over. Drucilla gave me something for my period so it wouldn’t get in my way as I was training. It did help me not notice I was bleeding from below but it didn’t help me ignore that pain that would appear out of nowhere.  This didn’t really help me out when I was cutting my bangs with shaky hands since I didn’t trust myself with the scissors I was using. When I went to cut both of my long bangs a painful cramp appeared out of nowhere and it caused me to cut bangs a bit awkwardly. When I went to fix it another cramp appeared out of nowhere and my bangs became rather short. I decided it was time for me to stop before I stop having bangs.  I mean my hair won’t get in the way of training but it feels so weird to have short h

I felt like Merrill became even strange after our time in the forest together. We had to leave early since he was bitten by a snake, but he became clingy. It was like he was another Eli and for some reason, that seemed to upset Eli a lot.  But I was too focus on other stuff to really try to understand why he was upset with that. It feels like my past life keeps merging with my current life. I would see things from my past life but they would quickly disappear once I look at them again. It feels like I am in a nightmare that is slowly becoming a part of my reality. I feel like I am going crazy but I don’t know what to do.  I am scared… What if I can’t tell the difference between my past life and this life. I know I have to remember my past fully to get over it but I don’t want to feel the pain again. It feels like I