All Chapters of Baby steps: Chapter 1 - Chapter 10
38 Chapters
First step
     "Drink it, drink it, drink it!" The football team cheered as I tilted my head backwards and swallowed the throat burning alcohol. Then I smashed the cup on the counter, looking at the boys with a dizzied smirk.     "For the team and for our future matches, let's win them all and become better with each passing year!"     Glasses clinked against each other,
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Second step
     "These pancakes are an absolute heaven, Mr. Matvey, but you shouldn't have bothered..."      "Nonsense, nonsense. There are so many of them just for the three of us. Eat them all and if you want more, don't be shy to grab another one from the plate. I will leave them on the table so you can serve yourself anytime."       I stuffed my mouth full, muffling the groan which was threatening to betray my annoyance. All my life I thought Ryder was a raging homophobe. He hated me for being gay and I hated him for being a homophobe. But th
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Third step
 I was strumming my guitar when the edges of my fringes brushed against my eyelids and made me realize two things: my hair was growing long and I needed a haircut; and my eyes were getting tired and I needed to take a break. So I put the guitar in my lap and secured it between the handles of my wheelchair and my arms, starting to move back towards the house. But when I turned around and saw Ryder leaned against the door frame watching me, I stopped stuck in my track. I remembered the time our team went camping. At night we all sat around this huge bonfire while telling stories, joking around and simply getting wasted. Then th
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Forth step
Ryder’s decision ignited not a fight, but a full raging war… between me and his patience, his iron clad nerves. Three days and twenty-three episode of "Chandralekha"  had passed since Ryder had officially become my caregiver and I’ve tried to annoy, bully, even to constipate him into resigning. Every method had been unsuccessful. But I didn’t give up because no matter how patient Ryder was, I was tenfold more determined to get rid of him. "How does she still talk with a bullet in her head?"
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Fifth step
You would believe one would be more lenient with their disabled child… not my parents. My phone, laptop, ipad and guitar got confiscated for two weeks, I couldn’t watch TV, nor use my xbox, and they denied buying me any snacks. They were treating me like a little child getting grounded for punching his middle school classmate. It wasn’t me who told Ryder to climb on the roof or to get scratched on his cheek. My only fault was that I left muddy trails on the carpet after entering the house with my dirty wheelchair. But again, I think my fathers’ goal was not to punish me, but rather to make me “bond” with Ryder. After they told me that “You act like a little kid, you get punished like one”, my dad also implied that now when I had no distractions, I might get to know Ryder better and actually befriend him.
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Sixth step
Monday, at seven in the morning, we were already in the car on the way to the capital of the country where my cousin and her family lived.     I was sitting in the passenger seat with my head leaned against the window and the seatbelt placed under my armpits and around my chest, due to it rubbing my neck and irritating my skin. Ryder was humming the song playing at the radio, his hands stuck on the steering wheel and his eyes fixed on the road. From time to time he would turn his head, stealing subtle, not so subtle stares at me. Per total, it was a nicely comfortable drive.This until Ryder
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Seventh step
      One more hour on the road and we reached Kathy's home. She lived in an apartment building, in a penthouse which had this huge pool outside its equally huge living room. I remembered her old flat had the kitchen, living room and bedroom all in one. They bought all the things they had now after her husband, Greg, signed a contact with a famous magazine as a photographer, although I doubt it was the contract and not some trickery which brought him all those money. Greg was known for having a gambling dependence, but I guessed it mattered to Kathy only when her husband lost, not when he won. Then she turned oblivious to his wrongs. I focused my gaze back on the bui
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Eighth step
           "Boys, I hope you don't mind, but you'll have to sleep in Greg's studio for the night. Sid flooded the guests' room when he tried to change the light bulb but slipped from the chair and broke a conduct."           “You had one job, Sid.” I said at the same time Ryder asked: “Is he okay?”  You can guess who Kathy glared at.
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Ninth step
This chapter contains triggering subjects. Reader discretion is advised.       I was spinning, my hands held on cold iron bars and head tilted backwards, watching the cloudy morning sky. I was around seven years old, mindlessly playing in the merry-go-rounds while my dad watched me from a bench in the park. The playground was almost empty, the only sound spearing the air being the creak of the rusty hinges. Creak which got louder and louder almost making you believe the screws were crying. Then I realized it wasn't them who were crying. I could hear real sobs and sniffs coming from inside a playhouse. So I jumped from the still spinning merry-go-rounds
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Tenth step
What did Ryder have to do with my accident? I smashed my phone back on the nightstand, leaving the messages unanswered. I should have ignored them the first second I realized who the sender was but curiosity wouldn’t let me live if I ignored Simon after he wrote me the first time since the accident. Last time I saw him was in hospital after I’ve woken up. I remember telling him to “kick his own butt out of my life”. I didn’t expect Simon to listen to me. I don’t know if apologies and explications would have done me any better but I’ve honestly didn’t expect him to agree so easily to leave me alone. The sweet boy I fell in love with wouldn’t cause that accident and definitely wouldn’t give up on me so easily… it was clear I didn’t know him well enough so why should I listen to what
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