All Chapters of Cordia's Will: A Civil War Story of Love and Loss: Chapter 41 - Chapter 50
88 Chapters
Message
In a very real way, the journey home was, for Cordia, almost as difficult as the initial trip had been. Though she no longer felt the heavy burden on her heart of waiting, she was now fully aware that it would be her duty to inform the Adams family that their proud soldier son was, in spirit, no longer with them. Though she had somehow obtained this reputation of being strong enough to handle most everything, she didn’t know how in the world she was going to find the words to look Margaret Adams in the face and say those few words, “Jaris is dead.”An idea crossed her mind, and that afternoon, as they neared a small town in Green County, she asked Frieda if they could stop by the post office and see if they had a telegraph machine. At first, Frieda had argued with her, saying how important she thought it was to reach Jasper County, and the safety of some family friends, before the sun went down. However, after a small amount of pressing from a desperate girl
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Correspondence
Cordia unfolded Will’s first letter and began to read by the dim lantern light.July 6, 1861,Dearest Cordia,Please forgive me for not writing to you sooner. I am not so good with words, and your skill has intimidated me some, I am afraid. I have taken much solace in your letters. Your words have captured the feelings within my heart, and it brings me peace, even now as I have just come from an awful battle, to know that you are out there waiting for me. I was at first concerned about your relationship with Jaris. I wish that I could advise you on what you should do so as not to hurt him, but I do not rightly know the best thing to do either. I do know that war seems to change people. Perhaps, when all this fighting is over, you will find your answer. In the meantime, I must tell you it is only the thought of building my life with you that carries me through the hardships we must each endure. How many times in these past weeks must I
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Mistake
Traveling along the crudely cut wagon rut of a road the next morning, Cordia felt an overwhelming amount of solace. They had been riding along for an hour or so, just entering into Barton County, when Frieda remarked on how peaceful she seemed.“I am at peace,” she agreed. “And I am happy to be nearly home.”Frieda seemed putout that Cordia was willing to admit she was no longer beside herself with grief. She “humphed” about it and gave the reins a violent shake.Cordia’s forehead furrowed in surprise. “What, would you have me bawling all the way home?” she asked.“No,” Frieda relinquished. “But, still, don’t you think you should be feeling a little distraught, considering what it is we are a’haulin’ here?”There really was no way that Cordia could explain to Frieda why it was that she now felt such contentment. Ever since she had dreamt of Jaris, she ha
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Funeral
Cordia had never been to a funeral before. Most of her grandparents had died before she was born. Her Nana Pike passed away when she was about three or four, but she had stayed home from the funeral with Frieda. She had read about such things in many books, so it was a little surprising to her when she awoke that Saturday morning to see the sun shining in the sky. After all, in every story she had ever read, the sky was always dark and gloomy, wind blowing a driving rain, as all the mourners, dressed in black huddled around the coffin.As her family followed the procession of other carriages and wagons out to the cemetery on the edge of the Adams Farm, she thought it fitting that the sun was shining. Though it was still August, and therefore, still hot, there was a nice, gentle breeze blowing. Jaris’s parents had asked Cordia and her family to sit with them directly in front of the coffin. She took her place there, beside what would have been her mother-in-law. Margaret
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Ghost
Cordia was looking forward to spending a nice fall day with Julia at the Adams Farm. It had been a rough September for her dear friend. Julia had not quite recovered from the effects of not knowing Will’s fate. She had spent a great deal of time in bed lately, coughing, choking, too weak to get up. Cordia had been extremely concerned for her. She had been to see her every day. Sometimes she just sat by and watched Julia in a restless sleep. Other times, she would read to her, or they would share stories about their childhoods. At one point, Julia’s fever was so high, Dr. Walters wouldn’t let Cordia, or anyone else besides Mrs. Adams, even go into her room. Finally, it had broken, after about three days.Since that time, about a week prior, she had seemed to be doing much better. Since it had cooled off a little, she was even spending some time outdoors in the fresh air. Cordia had sent word to Will about his sister’s condition, but she had not heard fr
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Interloper
“Home. There was that word again,” Cordia thought as she heard Julia gush over Will being home. She was behind them now, walking more slowly. How difficult it would be to have him here and to pretend to everyone that they were just acquaintances, just friends. Yet, as she noticed Mrs. Adams coming out the front door to greet him, she knew she had no other choice. They all went inside, and she lingered in the yard a moment, trying to get herself together. It wouldn’t be the first time she denied the way she really felt. She guessed she could do it again.Margaret was smiling and laughing, but it wasn’t the same as it had been before Jaris was killed. Now, her face seemed to have a gray tone to it. Even when she was truly amused, it never quite left her. She had gotten Will something to drink, and was trying to force food upon him, though he insisted he had eaten while he was making the trip from the train depot to the farm. He had walked the tw
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Dinner
Cordia sat through dinner doing everything in her power to act nonchalant about Julia and Will coming over later that evening. Her father had been so excited himself, he was bubbling with glee all through their meal. “It will be so nice to hear from someone who has actually been in battle,” he was saying.Cordia wasn’t really eating. It was more like she was conducting some troop movements of her own, maneuvering the various items of food around her plate so that it looked like she was consuming it. Her mother had noticed though. Finally, she said, “Cordia, dear, you don’t have to eat it if you aren’t hungry. I know it must be very sad for you to see Will. Probably just a reminder of your dear Jaris.”If that’s what it took to get out of pretending to eat, then she was willing to accept it. “Yes, mother,” she said. “May I be excused?” Her mother consented and she went upstairs to re-read Will&rsquo
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Nurse
Cordia was storing up a supply of bandages, as well as other medical supplies, in a little cupboard in the corner of a room off behind the staircase. Even though she didn’t feel it would be proper to shut the door, she didn’t think anyone would be coming back that way, and they would have a little privacy. She took one of the lanterns out of the foyer as she passed so that she could see to light the lamps in the room. For some reason, she felt a little nervous as she entered. She went about the business of lighting the place up and getting out her supplies.“Where do you want me?” Will asked.“Well,” she said looking around the room, “why don’t you have a seat on the table there so that I can see it a little better.”He did as he was told, and she slowly walked over, setting her supplies and the original lamp down beside him.“I was wondering how I was ever going to get you alone,” he said
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Friends
It was almost unbearable for Cordia to know that Will was in town but that she could not see him. She realized she could have found an excuse to go over to the Adams Farm. But she also thought that she should give Julia some time to spend alone with her brother. Likewise, she had found out the day before how extremely difficult it was to be in the same room with Will and just pretend he was a simple acquaintance, the brother of a friend, the cousin of her lost love.Instead, she spent the day with Susannah. Her friend had not been the same since her husband went off to war. Susannah had always been one to worry about every little thing, but now, she was sure that her husband had been killed or was going to be killed soon. Every day that went by without a letter from James brought more horrifying images to his wife. And it didn’t seem to matter how many times Cordia explained to her friend that the post moved very slowly these days, especially out of moving army camps, s
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Cellar
Dinner was just as awkward as Cordia had imagined it would be. She spent what seemed like an eternity trying not to look at Will and could tell by his avoidance of making eye contact with her, he was trying just as hard. Finally, as the meal was ending, she suggested that she have a look at that bandage. Alas, Margaret chimed in that she had already changed it just a few hours ago. Cordia felt her heart sink, having no earthly idea how she was going to get to see Will alone now. She could see by the disappointed look on his face that he had not been a willing patient for his aunt either.“Well,” Isaac proclaimed, standing up, “That was a fine meal. Now, let us gentlemen retire to the study to finish our discussion of politics and warfare—ideas the woman can surely do without.”The men, including Zachariah who was nearly 15, all stood up to follow Mr. Pike into the study. It had occurred to Cordia that Margaret would not want to join them a
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