I’m in my bedroom, after showering and pulling on jeans and a T-shirt, after breakfast, looking a lot more like the wholesome kid of days gone by, rather than the hot mess of clubbing from days ago. My hair is up on top of my head in a messy bun of sorts, and I am texting back a so-called girlfriend ‘Sissy’ in New York. Finally, my absence has been noted, and now that I am clear-headed and have some distance, I can now see how shallow these people really are.She didn’t text to see how or where I was, she only wanted to know if I was bringing my gold card to the next party to fuel the ch

The panic fleeting across his face breaks my heart a thousand times more than the past two years have. I never wanted to tell him, but somehow, as with everything in my life, it always comes out involuntarily when I am with him. It’s always been this way; it’s why he knows every single sordid detail of my past. I have never been able to keep anything from him for long and I guess it’s because I have always loved him.God, girl, you are such a fool.“You think I wanted this? You think I asked to start feeling differently about you? Or to even know that’s what this emptiness has been? Don’t you think I wish I could just push it all away, and be like I was before?” I raise my palms in angst. Not sure what else to do.  “I didn’t know until yesterday that this is what is even wrong with me. This is all a shock to me too, and it’s not like I don’t know that this isn’t right. I know you don&

It’s been days since Arrick left my room and I am barely functioning. I have moped around, either at home until my mom’s pandering efforts have driven me mad, or at Emma, or Leilas’, who are equally suffocating me. Jake is my only respite, with his shrugged off chill and his ‘life’s too short’ attitude. He tends not to dwell on ‘matters’ with me and just lets me hang out. He’s keeping me sane, while everyone else is mothering me to insanity.I’m restless, listless, antsy, and just need to let off some steam to feel normal for one night. Every part of my body is screaming to go out and get blind drunk and numb for a few hours, but I’m stopping myself from going down that route again. Really trying to behave, listening to my counselor, whom I saw this morning for the first time again, and trying like crazy to keep my head above w

Mia untangles herself and crawls out, caught by her father who walks her back, holding her by one arm while retrieving her clothes. He moves close to Emma, leaning in to kiss her tenderly on the mouth, before sitting down on a chair, pulling Mia onto his lap, and once again dressing his child. Emma shakes her head and quietly chides Mia out of my earshot, so as not to embarrass her. The little girl is staring up wide-eyed and on the verge of tears as her mommy gently asks her to stay dressed. Emma always did have more control over Jake’s offspring than he did. Mia is his ‘mini me’ and it’s no surprise that Emma is able to manage both equally well.She moves to a lounger near me and awkwardly tries to maneuver into it. Jake is fast on his feet, letting Mia go, while only half dressed, and helps his wife settle down into the chair, nuzzling her neck and whispering something to her before fully letting her go. Emma’s face heats and she nudges him li

I can’t stop running my fingers through my hair as I sit across from Camilla in the bistro café we have come to for a coffee. Lifting the deep black strands of hair and twirling them nervously. I have no idea what my Mom or Leila is going to say about this drastic change, but the reflection in the hair salon showed me a completely transformed woman. I look and feel, for the first time ever, that I actually look my age and the amount of well-dressed men turning our way in passing has not just been for Camilla.Gone are the long blonde strands and round baby face, with pale stormy blue eyes, and in its place, a more angled, sleek facial shape. Framed with dark hair that seems to make my eyes stand out crazily, as though the blue is somehow more intense and less washed out. I wasn’t able to stop staring at the stranger in the mirror when she showed me the new look. I don’t look like that stroppy child anymore; I look like some vampy woman in much need of