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The panic fleeting across his face breaks my heart a thousand times more than the past two years have. I never wanted to tell him, but somehow, as with everything in my life, it always comes out involuntarily when I am with him. It’s always been this way; it’s why he knows every single sordid detail of my past. I have never been able to keep anything from him for long and I guess it’s because I have always loved him.

God, girl, you are such a fool.

“You think I wanted this? You think I asked to start feeling differently about you? Or to even know that’s what this emptiness has been? Don’t you think I wish I could just push it all away, and be like I was before?” I raise my palms in angst. Not sure what else to do.  “I didn’t know until yesterday that this is what is even wrong with me. This is all a shock to me too, and it’s not like I don’t know that this isn’t right. I know you don&