It was hard to tell how long we lay there, with me half-naked and asleep in Lucas' arms. But when I woke up to the light scruff of grass against my knee, the red-orange of the sky told me we had been there in that position for quite a while."I'm sorry," Lucas rasped, and I realized we had shifted from the position we were in when I fell asleep. Lucas sat with his back against the wall of the maze, holding me to himself. It was the closest we had been to each other, with the obvious exemption of how intimate we had been before I drifted asleep. "I didn't mean to wake you up,""How long did I sleep?" I asked, with quite an idea in mind."Not long enough, you needed the rest." he stroked my head as he spoke."You should have woken me," I gave a brief chuckle, followed by a wince at the numbness in my hands as I attempted to pull myself away from him and sit up.Lucas held on to me tighter though, tutting and shaking his head as he did. "I don't want you to leave just yet, stay here in m

It was sweet effing relief. After almost two months here, we were finally making the trip back home. While there were less than relieving reasons involved, it still brought a wide grin to my face when the sound of the wheels scraping the runway of Lindbergh field reached my ears.Martha and Calvin were the first to welcome us home, with Calvin giving the usual manly hugs and pats on the back to his two sons and Martha going through a long streak of teary hugs and sobbing her thanks that her grandbabies were okay. She had insisted all three of them rode in their car with them as we came home from the airport. I realized it had probably been a wise choice to keep them oblivious to my pregnancy. Martha, for one, would have thrown a fit if her hopes of having a new grandchild were suddenly crushed by my miscarriage.After almost two months away, I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be normal. My usual routine, the one I had when my life was still a simple cycle of getting Abby and

Every story I'd hard about the afterlife was a big fat lie. There were no angels in white robes, no opera waiting to usher me into the gates of heaven but then again who said I was going to heaven. The pain shooting up my body felt everything like hell, or at least I knew the one coming would. I clamp my eyes closed tighter as I lay on the floor in what I know is my pool of blood, waiting for the pain I hope to come. She succeeded and I let her win, I let Sarah shoot me. There was no longer going to be the amazing sex with Lucas, no spending afternoons with the kids, no harmless gossips disguised as Sunday lunch dates with my best friend. No more of Lucas's family, all of that was now simply gone, just gone.The thought left a hot burning scar on my throat and I gasped, fighting to take in the air that was not coming. This really was it, I had lost and she had won. But the arms suddenly wrapping me in a warm embrace felt too familiar to be related to the icy feeling of dying."Chris?!

Christmas had never been anything special for me. I had spent my last two Christmas' before this working an all-day shift at work, wiping vomit off tables and getting yelled at by unhappy customers taking their anger and frustrations on me. Afterward, C and I would spend the morning drinking on a rooftop and dancing to Fuck Christmas by Eric Idle. It was not exactly like I was the grinch or that I forbade the holiday spirit, there really was just nothing to celebrate or be happy for. After spending most of my childhood holidays hoping I would escape some beating or screaming from the matron on duty at the foster care that day who would rather be drinking her guts out on her day off, it was not exactly my favorite time of the year, so I said a big fuck you to it every year.This year though, it was a whole different story. Like I had stepped into this perfect, in your dreams life belonging to someone else. And for the first time in my life, the reality was the more preferable option. T