Semua Bab A Little Bit of Joy: Bab 31 - Bab 40

I instantly regretted the moment I stepped into the flower shop. Last night itself I was discharged from the hospital and today here I was, trying to go back to normalcy. Mum adviced me not to, but I wanted to do something. I wanted to stop thinking about Logan- I wanted to stop thinking about where he was or what he was doing or how he was feeling. It was selfish of me and I did feel guilty, but the more I thought of Logan, the more my chest tightened.However, the flower shop reminded me of nothing but him. The way he would lumber outside the flower shop, the plastic bag containing his lunch box (Mac and Cheese) dangling on his finger. I would watch him through the glass sheathed walls and grin brightly at him once our eyes locked into each other's. Most days a playful or even an arrogant smile naturally occurred on his lips, small dimples appearing. Other days he would force a lopsided smile just out of politeness or dry mock humour.Each time a distressed customer barged in throug

It had been three days since Logan had gone missing. He was already eighteen now, an adult. I was genuinely clueless about his disappearance and maybe that was evident on my face because the police believed me during the interrogation.I tried to not let my thoughts wander towards Logan. Logan missing . . . Logan alone . . . Logan by the bridge . . . I shook my head vigorously. The Logan I knew would never do that, but I couldn't stop myself. I imagined his pale face devoid of any emotion as he plummeted down the bridge and into the fast flowing river. His thin body lifeless and washed away by water. And the horrifying part was that I could imagine it vividly like I witnessed it. Like I was there with him, watching him helplessly. Perhaps it was because of how we met. We met in the oddest of circumstances with his feet dangling by the railing, his mind prepared to plunge in the river.No, no, no, Logan had come a long way and although he hadn't recovered completely, I was sure that he

"That would be eight dollars ma'am," I said politely as she gave me a ten dollar bill."You're JJ, aren't you?" The soft eyes of the woman was twinkling. I nodded while returning her the change. "Take care honey, I hope things are turning out good for you.""It is and thank you." I smiled as she left. This was regular, blessings from strangers or acquaintances and I was used to it. A constant reminder that I was dying, but I knew that their intentions was to not upset me. It was merely to show that they cared. The bells dinged again and in came Uncle Desmond. I beamed at him. "Good morning Uncle Desmond! Here are your lilies!""Aye JJ, efficient like always." He fished the money out. "How's the old man?""Grumpy like always, still a big softie in the inside," I replied casually and he nodded in agreement. "How's your wife uncle?""She's . . . good. She still misses those little, naughty brats that used to fool her for more ice cream," he said wistfully."I'll bring them around to the

"Maa, I'm going out for a walk! Do you want me to buy any groceries for dinner?" I called out as mum appeared from the laundry room, wringing one of Gemma's thick jumpers."I told Shaun to bring chickpeas and pasta for dinner. He has gone to withdraw money from the bank for the trip. So he'll buy the necessities on his way," she said while adjusting my t-shirt since my bra strap was showing. She then nearly pushed me out of the house. "You go get some fresh air. Don't worry about anything."I rolled my eyes playfully. "Alright, bye!"Mum smiled, her face gleaming despite the sweat from doing all the chores as she shut the door. If only she would let me help her. I sighed tiredly and started sauntering towards the obvious destination- the ocean.The sky was still luminous, a pale yellow colour even though it was already seven in the evening. It was a bit chilly today and the rustling of leaves reminded me of autumn. The lush green trees swayed with the breeze and as I neared the ocean,

I slipped into my leggings and an oversized white t-shirt. I was getting thinner and paler day by day as I tried to cover it up. I didn't want to be admitted to the hospice care centre with half of beautiful summer still left. I wanted to be healthy this entire summer- I had to be healthy because the loveliness of summer blossomed in my heart.Afternoon during summer was reckless and wild, but the rest of the day was tamed and serene. Rhododendrons bloomed beside every house adding variety of colours to the clean streets, dahlias blossoming cheered our spirits with their pom-pom like shapes and the sunflower farms at the outskirts of our town enveloped each new guest with brightness and zeal.The aroma of fresh, ripened apricots and plums wafted around the air, fading slowly as one neared the ocean. The clear sky and the still ocean merged together, appearing infinite. Children played dodgeball on the beach, their hot, sticky faces gleaming under the sun. The overlapping voices of the