Semua Bab Not Like Me: Bab 21 - Bab 30

Aiden Buckland and his touch are still tattooed on my body. Tattoos last forever, and so does the memory of touch. Touch has memory. Memory is a powerful thing that transcends everything else. I get ready to leave the house. I'm distracted in the shower. My nakedness feels exposed somehow. My sixteenth birthday is in a week. I have no friends to celebrate with. No one but Aiden to celebrate my womanhood with.Womanhood is powerful, and even without friends, I still wish to celebrate. Sixteen is the year most girls lose their virginity and get wild. Or that's what I've come to understand. I place clothes around the frame of my body. I feel lost without Aiden's warm touch. He guided me back to myself. He brought me back to ballet—the doorbell rings. I know it's Aiden waiting to take me on an adventurous date. He's romantic...he's brave...It's Zander? What the fuck? I blush and close the door. Mother comes waltzing in to save the day as usual. Her slippers drag across the floor, leavi

I head to the dance studio. My dad's car smells like old socks. Stephanie is with me. "Tell me about you. What's really going on?""When you left...I was sad. Brittany didn't seem like a real friend. She was girly, she wasn't you, but she was there. Then I noticed Zander. We hung out. She told me to stay away. So I did. I missed him. When they turned sixteen, I kissed Zander at his birthday party. He kissed me back. I got scared, and Aiden suggested we pretend to date to get back at him. I agreed. It was stupid. Then there was a spark with Aiden. And then I was torn between the two of them. That's the short version. I thought Zander was a crush, but he's more than that. Aiden and I had a spark...it grew and grew. I don't want to lose them. I want to be friends with them. I want us to forget about romance and be friends. I want to drown out feelings...with other feelings. I shouldn't date, Steph. It's not for girls like me. It's for other women, who make sense.""It does sound complic

Aiden's face is all over my Instagram. His relationship status has been changed publicly. Has our friendship status changed as well? The school day is calling my name, and I don't want to listen. I don't want to go and face Aiden. I remember Leslie Thompson's threat. If she knows I hurt Aiden, she will come crawling to me with her vicious venom. I decide to take the bus. I don't want to park the car at school in case someone is thinking of vandalizing my life. Usually, when we take the car, one of the Hogan twins drives since they are legally allowed to. However, on occasion, I have taken the car and have driven around town without a chaperone. I know it's risky, and perhaps I should hand over the keys to my older sixteen-year-old friends. But I need control of something and behind the wheel of a car works for me. Like the other day, I should have let Stephanie drive to the ballet studio. But I needed to prove to myself that I could get there without a GPS. If I'm going to learn ho

The evening of my party has arrived. It's a simple party. Kyle sneaks vodka into the house. Stephanie wears her typical black attire. Her nails have ghosts on them and glow in the dark. Our post-Halloween birthday party is a success. Brittany comes into her basement. She finds me. We haven't spoken in weeks. She hands me a present. It's a gift card. We only give gift cards when we don't know what the other person likes. Have I become that much of a stranger? "Thanks for the gift card. I'll buy new shoes with it. I need some boots for winter.""You're welcome. And about the night I...well, Kyle dumped me. I'm sorry about that. I wasn't thinking. And the things you said, as harsh as they were...were right. I am controlling. I know that. I'm sorry to hear about you and Aiden. Are you doing okay?" I'm not sure why Brittany is apologizing to me. Clearly, it should be the other way around. I've been a horrible friend to her, and I know it. So I go in for a hug. "I'm sorry, too. I should

We arrive at the ballet studio. The door gets bigger each time I come here. Each time I pass through the large golden doors, I don't feel worthy. My injury is an extension of myself. "Hello, Ashley. Who are these people with you today?" Madame asks, helping us open the door."This is Brittany and Stephanie, my best friends. This is Kyle, Brit's boyfriend. And this is Zander, my....my....boyfriend."Madame tilts her head to the side. Three weeks ago, I was at the studio with Aiden. She doesn't know about our breakup and what it did to Aiden. It's none of her business, really, considering I'm only a student and don't have to justify my actions. Madame looks at me with her judgmental eyes. I have seen those eyes before criticizing a whole room of students. But for some reason, it gets to me and makes me feel terrible and humiliated inside. I feel completely exposed to the entire ballet room. There are only four students today, and it's the ten-year-old class, but still. Madame judges m