I only get a few hours of sleep before my alarm goes off and it’s time for me to get ready for my shift. I manage to shower, dress and leave the house without disturbing Ben, who sleeps like a log. I’m thankful that he’s dead to the world, because if I bumped into him, I know he’d be able to tell something was up thanks to the goofy grin I can’t seem to wipe off my face.I’m in the best mood I’ve been in since I can remember, and the adrenaline and general happiness carry me through the first few hours of my shift better than all the espresso in the world. “Did you have some amphetamine with your Cheerios this morning? It’s like you’re the Blur,” Sharon says around eleven, just after I’ve finished bussing my tables and hers. “Ha. No, I just got a really good night’s sleep last night,” I say. And it isn’t even a lie, because even though I only got a short nap’s worth of shut eye, the sleep I did get was restful and deep. I woke up feeling like I could conquer the world. Of course

I’m such an idiot. What’s that saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me? Well, I deserve some shame because here I am again, a week after my last run with James and I haven’t heard anything from him. Why do I keep falling for his half-assed apologies? He doesn’t even say sorry! He tries to communicate with runs and eye contact, and a relationship can’t be built on those alone.The worst part is that things are still weird between me and Ben, and I blame James. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have to keep secrets from the one person who has always been there for me.I’m so mad I feel like my head could explode. Thankfully, I’m so used to waitressing in a bad mood that it doesn’t affect my productivity. Sharon and I tackle the morning rush capably, and she’s nice enough not to mention that I look like someone ran over my cat and then threw the remains on my lawn.All she says is, “If ever and whenever you want to talk, I’m here.”I can’t take her up on th

I hate him. I’ve never really hated anyone, not even the stupid Gamma despite how much he makes fun of me. Hate takes too much energy, energy I don’t want to waste on others when I could spend it keeping me and Ben safe. Being a rogue means always being on edge, primed to fight, ready to defend yourself because there’s no pack to protect you. But I’m glad to make an exception to this rule for James. I hate him the second he doesn’t respond to my accusation that he’s prejudiced against me with, “Of course I like you, Isabel. I don’t care that you’re a rogue, because you’re my mate.” I wanted so badly for him to be different, for our runs and those notes and loaded looks to mean something. And I guess they did, but they didn’t mean what I wanted them to. I wanted them to be building blocks to an official relationship, one that included dates, meeting families and sharing our lives. Instead, they were just ways for him to toy with me like he was a cat and I was his little mouse, thi

“Can you pass the milk?” Ben asks me the next morning. We both have off, which is a rarity, and while normally we’d spend a day like this together, he says he has plans. “Yeah, sure,” I say. I’m so angry at him I could scream. I barely slept last night, wondering why he went to that meeting of the rogues without telling me. He’s acting like everything is normal and I’m too much of a coward to rock the boat. “What’re you up to today?” he asks, leaning back against the kitchen counter and taking a bite of his cereal.“Uh…” I scramble, realizing that if he’s gone, I’ll be in the house alone. And while normally that would be a dream come true, today I don’t want to be by myself. If I’m alone, the thoughts in my head will overwhelm me. “Going shopping with Sharon,” I lie, another untruth to add to the pile steadily growing between us. There’s a barrier up that wasn’t there before, and I feel like I’m only seeing half of Ben. He’s hiding himself from me, and while it kills me, can I r

Explaining to Sharon why I disappeared from the café and then returned, ten minutes later, with a strange guy trailing behind me was difficult, but thankfully she got a phone call from her boyfriend just as I got back to the table, so I was saved from having to answer too many questions. If only Ben was as easily distracted, my life would be so much less complicated. Since I got home an hour and a half ago, he’s been hovering around me and asking incessant questions. My first-date nerves are already off the charts and his constant presence is only making it worse. I’m in the middle of applying lipstick in my bathroom when Ben pops up again, scaring me so much that I end up with a swipe of red going from the corner of my lips all the way across my cheek.“Ben! For god’s sake, leave me alone!” I say, whipping around to face him. I don’t use a particularly sisterly tone, but no hurt shows on his face. All I see is suspicion. “Where did you say you were going again?” he asks, c