I can't believe my parents have the fucking nerve to turn up here. Fucking Michael can be glad I'm not around his place at the moment for calling my parents for me going against the rule to ever turn up there again. Honestly, they can all go to hell. All of them made massive mistakes. Michael's whole family, my mum and dad, Emi's mum and dad, they all fucked up. And the ones paying for it are Sam, Emi and I. When I tried going against their deal five years back, mum said it would be my fault alone if dad went to prison. Fuck, I was only a naive fifteen-year-old who thought he had to protect his family. Who was even told I had to protect my family above anything else. Looking back, I protected the wrong people. They didn't deserve my protection. And the only person who really deserved my protection didn't get it. The person whose heart and soul broke that night. Along with her whole world. After what happened, we moved to a place I didn't like at all. My parents hated each other and

3 weeks laterEvery single day I am sat at this fucking bed, hoping for Sam to finally wake up. The first week was hell, it was an up and down, several times I thought this is it. Once the swelling of her brain went down and she was stabilized she went back into surgery for her bones. Seems like her body had difficulties dealing with so much narcotics, causing heart issues again. During this time I felt like going insane and being a zombie at the same time. I only ever left her if absolutely necessary.Even if the nurses complained I stayed most of the nights, sleeping in the chair next to her bed. The second week got easier, Sam was still in a bad condition, but stable. As I already had skipped two weeks of classes I decided to at least attend my classes and go straight back to Sam after. Seeing as her condition wasn't quite as critical anymore, a second visitor was allowed to visit her for half an hour a day. Evans and Emi took terms, both of them were a pain in my ass, telling me

No matter what I do, I miss Jake like hell. Seeing him during classes doesn't make it any easier. At least we are in for winter break very soon. I really hope that will ease the pain.But what do I do after the break? I know I can't keep hiding from him for ever. And things are just going to get worse.Seriously I have no idea what to do, how to go on from here. There's so much pain within me tearing me apart and all I want to do is crumble down, cry and let the world swallow me up.Since the day of the accident, I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm not the strong fighter Sam anymore. I'm a defeated girl, who has lost everything even herself. Everyone in my life had built up a wall of lies and secrets around me.The whole last five years of my life has been nothing else but one huge ball of lies.It's not like I don't understand Jake, he was fifteen and from what I heard under a great pressure. Guess I would have done the same to protect my family. But he had enough time to tell me t

As usual, I fell asleep with Jake's hoodie while crying. He sent me a short message last night, and for a change, I even read it.Jake: Thanks for letting me hear your voiceSomething so simple had my heart racing again, and the hurt of his loss felt worse again. Why is it that I just can't seem to get over Jake? No matter what has happened between us, I still love him, like crazy, and now I am pregnant with his child.Evans is right, I shouldn't keep this secret, and sooner or later, it will be impossible to hide it anyway. I just don't want Jake to make a decision he'll regret later, just because he feels like he has to. Mum brought me up by herself, and I know I could do the same if I have to. Even if I wish for this baby to have a dad. But this way, Jake can perhaps decide to be a dad without feeling pressured to do something he isn't ready for yet.God, I miss him so incredibly much. It's the last day before winter break. Perhaps I could just give a friendly attempt today by not

This weekend has been a torture, knowing Sam is being away with Evans, spending time back home for a whole weekend, and to top it off where Michael is. Even if Evans is trying hard to fix things between Sam and me, I can tell he still feels an awful lot for her. What if she falls for him too after everything that has been revealed? Would he still resist? I couldn't blame him if he doesn't, this girl is a one in a life time girl.At least I knew she would be safe with him. Last night, he texted me something that happened with Michael, and he felt like killing him and the others, but that Sam had kicked his ass in.Worried, I tried getting more details out of him, but he told me to be patient he would tell me the whole story personally in peace. On the one hand, I'm worried sick about Sam. Worried about how this might have affected her again. Then again, I would have loved to see Michael's face. If it really was Sam, who kicked his ass in, it would have been hilarious.Evans texted that