Austin The year that Sebastian passed away was a blurry one. I was hospitalized and mostly drugged for a week, the nurses told me. A cracked rib, lacerations, and so many stitches left me bed-bound right after the ordeal. When I went home, all traces of my brother were nowhere to be seen at the mansion. It’s like he was never even there in the first place. His room was emptied and locked. No pictures, all his belongings were just suddenly gone. Father and Mother were never the same again. If before they were nonchalant at best towards me, after Seb we were three strangers occupying the same house. They didn’t have to tell me that they blamed me for being the sole survivor of the kidnapping. Days, weeks even months went by without any conversation. They refused to look at me. Any exchange of words was in the form of the servants passing along messages. At some point, it was when all my scars weren’t fresh anymore, I think they realized I had to go back to school so they shipped me

I drifted in and out of sleep until I couldn't fool myself anymore that I would get any shut-eye. The sun hadn't risen as I tip-toed toward his room. All is quiet, his sheets haven't been disturbed from the last time we slept on it. Kitchen, living room, gym. Nowhere to be found. It's the third day that I have repeated this search routine. Is this how it's going to be from now on? After one visit to his mother, the boyfriend I fell in love with and just spent a wonderful weekend with, disappeared without a care in the world. The cabin getaway wasn’t even long ago and I feel like he’s slipping away. I head straight to his coffee machine. My mood requires two shots of espresso and tons of sugar. I dump the remaining milk from the carton into my swirling concoction. Is this going to be my fate now? Will I always wait and search for him? I'm still holding onto hope that this was a doozie. Maybe he was just busy. Sometimes people are just going through shit. How many times have I

Austin - 4 days ago - The world is spinning. I clutch my temples. The throbbing intensified as I attempted to move. The floor is tilting, constantly shifting. I reach out to steady myself. I know it will get worse when I open my eyes so I keep them closed. I haven’t been this hungover in a while. It’s definitely disorienting. I blink my eyes and even my thoughts come in choppy. It’s dark. Very dark. And cold. Once my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, I try to get my senses in order. I know I’m in bed. The sheets are cold and soft. I try to feel around but the pounding in my head is not letting up. Every movement fucking hurts. With all my remaining energy, I sit up and immediately, my world is tilting. I grasp onto the fluffy duvet. It’s my only lifeline while everything else is spinning. Oh, I’m in my room. My old room. I clutch my head and bow down, resting my throbbing forehead on my knees. Wishing this migraine to go away. The mounds of pillows and mountains

I took a day off. In the middle of the week, and the first time for me, I took it. I pride myself in reporting to work no matter what, even if I’m bloodied and half alive, best believe that I need the salary that much that I would power through. He knows that. He knows that I will come to work whatever the case. But this time, this time I just can’t. I physically would not be able to. After bawling my eyes out with my mom, I relocated my misery to my designated area and wept like a baby in my room. Poor Charlotte had to take the brunt of my suffering by trying everything in order to comfort me. The puppy resorted to placing herself on my chest and licking all the tears. She was that determined but she finally got knocked out around sunrise. I just could not sleep, all these scenarios in my head kept on playing. How did he cheat on me, where, and how many times? Did he love it? It’s maddening. I’m exhausted from crying for the past few days and I just don’t have the wherewi

Austin - 1 month later - She’s surrounded by her friends. A smile followed by laughter. A quirk of my lips in response to the joy blatantly on her face. I divert my attention back to the company’s clients who joined us. “Splendid, charity events are my favorite,” Mark commented beside his wife Alice. “No one forced you to be here,” I told him. “She did,” Mark motioned to his wife. “Would’ve loved to see my god-daughter instead of you,” I said. “Ouch, why are you so snippy?” he said. “Is this because of your ‘assistant’?” Alice asked, looking around, “You’re not flirting with her and you’re not glued to her side, what happened?” “We’re not together anymore,” I mumbled. “Oh, that explains why you’re sulking back here and staring at her all the way over there,” Alice nodded to Olivia’s table where she was having fun with her friends. “He cheated on the girl,” Tommy inserts himself into the conversation. “I gave him a black eye for it,” he said proudly. “Thanks,” I said sar