Lahat ng Kabanata ng To Put A Leash On The Master: Kabanata 41 - Kabanata 50

/ HEIDI /  This headache will mince my brain to nice little cubes sooner than I’m able to find a painkiller in one of these fucking drawers.There used to be many of them—the painkillers, I mean—usually on the table, under the pillows, in the wardrobe, in the drawers, even on the damn floor. How I cannot find one when everything else in the room remains the same is not a mystery, but unsettling.“Fuck. I can’t be arsed,” I mutter just as my phone dings on the bed.Sitting on the floor and resting my back against the bed, I go through the meager, little thing that won’t stop buzzing―

She struts toward me, spicing the walk with all her sassiness and whatnot. Typical of Vadarya when she’s vexed or in the mood to flirt. As she stops a few inches in front of me, she doesn’t bother to look down, only because her eyes are stuck on mine. But her lips certainly know what to say when they move. “Wrong attire, young lady.” She scoffs. “Big balls you’ve got to show your pathetic face here.” “I…” Jeez! The words have flown again. I’ll have to drink to ‘never have I needed to say rubbish in my life’. Like, at least say something, Heidi, come on! “Uhm…”“Uh. Uh. Your tongue dashed too?” Vadarya mocks.I sigh. “Vaddy…”“Get out.” When she speaks through gritted teeth, you know she’s not joking. And when she threatens with her half-filled, lowball glass right in front of your face… “This is not just a drink, Heidi. It’ll leave you blind a day or two, so save yourself the agony and leave.” …you know she’s code red. I’m not the type to wait around for the alarms to go off, so I

Hattie caught me riffling through my wardrobe for comfortable clothes. Oh, I did not call Hunter. Instead, I texted Zavere to ask him for an update on his search. I’m growing worried for both of them, so at least knowing they’re safe could be some assurance. Though if one asks me, I don’t know why I’m bothered. I should be happier they’re gone. Unless I’m only eager to see Hunter return to face the repercussions of the mess he created.Speaking of mess…“Heidi, you made a big mess here.”I crane my neck, looking back to see Hattie standing far from the vomit like it’s an Abyss that’d swallow her once she stepped close. “Uh…” What do I say? I’m a grown-ass woman who ended up drunk and jelly-legged that I could have even pooped on the bed if the need arose. “I’m sorry, Hattie.” That’s all I can say, really.“This is an old habit, Heidi; apologize after doing the deed. Not very nice now, is it?” Right, someone

My room’s the best place for me to be right now, except, the black feels quite morbid; not as if colors would have a better effect. I feel like I’m deep in an ocean, where the glimpses of light from above have died away, and all that’s left is an all-around tenebrosity suffocating me even faster than the water.I suck in breath, tears burning at the sides of my eyes, tingling in my lungs, grafting to be let out. But I’ve told myself ‘Heidi, you’re not shedding one more tear on this matter’, so I’ll stand by that.Now I have to be strong. I’ve shown too much frailty to the point it’s exhausting. Dominating how I feel has come to be a need, especially prevailing over those who strive to manipulate it—the likes of Hunter.My phone dings. It’s been making that sound for ages, so I grab it. It's high time to see what the noise is about. Apparently, people have been wondering what happened to the disowned White kids. Why are they no longer seen? It’s said reports had spread that people who

Standing straight, I place my right hand on my chest to bow. And despite the crowd going into full-on crash mode behind me, I exit the hall.Walking through the corridor, I recall what Hattie used to say.‘Anger is prone to density. It should be battled with an opposite approach. Never let your anger flood your mind, as it clouds your sense of reasoning. It’s better to admit it inch by inch as if fighting a battle in the dark where you’re the only one who sees. Suppress every inch that you let in until it’s truly gone.’ I often thought she made no sense. And I still think so. In fact, it could be the dumbest advice anyone has ever given me. When my anger attacks, it attacks all at once, and as much as Hattie always tried to stop me from destroying things, I find it the only way to gain real satisfaction and closure.I don’t have to listen to her. It’s also okay to fight without seeing in the dark. I just… I just have to master it; feel out my opponent’s weak spot—feel the disadvan