I opened my eyes, my body felt heavy. It must be the effect of medicine. I lazily turned trying to open my eyes fully. My surroundings felt familiar yet not familiar. My eyes went around and me laid on bed under duvet fully covered. Instantly I flew off from bed and stood before it breathing heavily. The bed, our room, my little sanctuary felt suffocated. I feel like it all mocked me in my misery. On my inability to not say any words to anyone. My breathing turned heavier. My hands are shaking, the fog lingered back. I ran to the bathroom, turned on the shower and sat under her. My knees gave up, my soul ready to give up. It's not only about the clips and photos, I know my husband. I trust him with my death. It's about all the things which happened in my past, the bad memories return and it's like they all laugh at me, mocking me to live in delusion that you will get a happy life, which I don't deserve.I didn't cry. Not a single tear. I drink all my pain, all bad feelings. The co
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