~ SIENNA ~The word hit like a punch to my gut, knocking the air out of me. Hermaphrodite.All because I didn’t have a child. My hands balled into fists so tight I felt a press-on nail crack and pop loose, biting into my palm. The room tilted, walls pressing closer, air going thin and useless in my lungs. I knew this feeling. I'd catalogued it for years without ever wanting to.It was the feeling from the day Bianca showed up at my door with a puppy, days after my first miscarriage.The same one when she'd announce during breakfast, forking the scrambled eggs on her plate, "a visual representation of Sienna's eggs," while I sat quietly at the table like my insides weren't curdling. It was the metallic taste of an oncoming panic attack, one of the many she'd personally engineered over the years — the only other cause of it being my astraphobia.I wanted to run. I also wanted, with a violence that frightened me, to close the distance between us and claw her satisfied face until it no
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