All Chapters of The Love I Couldn’t Have: Chapter 1 - Chapter 8

8 Chapters

Chapter 1

Samuel Lewis handed me the glass of milk and stood quietly to the side, just watching me, Isaac Carter.I was already used to his little gestures. I pressed the glass to my cheek for a moment before taking a sip.He smiled and ruffled my hair."I'm practically your dad, taking care of you and all. I doubt you'd last a day without me."Looking at his handsome face, my heart skipped a beat, and heat rushed to my cheeks. I lowered my gaze, afraid he might notice my feelings.Just then, a bold classmate burst into the classroom. She clutched a test paper and ran straight toward Samuel."Samuel, do you know how to solve this problem?" she asked.I was in the arts track while he was in the science track, and he was a grade ahead of me. There was no way I could join their conversation, so I quietly stood off to the side.After Samuel explained the problem, the girl blushed and said, "You're so nice. Thank you for helping me."Before he could even respond, the demands of the student c

Chapter 2

Every time a new wound began to heal, the old ones would reopen. I had no choice but to wear long sleeves every day, hiding the scars that marred my skin.Hannah yanked the hat off my head, messing up my hair."Who do you think you are, wearing a hat he gave you?"I didn't dare fight back. I just stood there in a daze as she swung the hat at me again and again. Samuel appeared at that moment.I had thought he would at least step in to protect me, but instead, he gently rubbed Hannah's hand."Don't use so much force, you might hurt yourself."Hannah grinned triumphantly and walked away hand in hand with Samuel.I felt like a complete joke.Samuel and I had known each other since we were little. We had grown up together, playing through every holiday and exchanging countless gifts over the years.Hannah had only taken one of them. There were still plenty at home, so I didn't care that much.I didn't expect Samuel to show up at my house the next day.He didn't say a word. He

Chapter 3

Yuvan didn't hesitate for a second before rejecting my suggestion. He didn't care what anyone thought. A gay couple had adopted him, so he had two dads.Yuvan had qualities I lacked. He was responsible, open-minded, and mature in ways that Samuel never was.Even though Yuvan treated me well, I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if he were Samuel. Even if Samuel didn't return my feelings, I wished he wouldn't despise me.After school that afternoon, Yuvan was fretting over the fact that he couldn't walk me home. I brushed it off and tried to comfort him, telling him it didn't matter. Lately, the people who had bullied me hadn't shown up anyway.The truth was, I didn't really care about them. I just felt lonely when I was alone. I wasn't from here, my family wasn't nearby, and I had always walked home with Samuel before.I had depended on Samuel since I was little. When he stopped hanging out with me, I struggled for a long time to accept it. I couldn't bear being alone

Chapter 4

Yuvan crushed me to his chest like he wanted to fold me into himself."He hurt you before, and you're still carrying the scars," he said, his voice tight with anger. "Maybe this is the payback he deserves."Yuvan's words and actions didn't comfort me. My mind kept going back to Samuel. I still couldn't accept what I had heard, so I slipped out alone and went to the address the girl had mentioned, just to be sure.When I stepped into the room and saw Samuel lying quietly in the coffin, all color drained from my face. He was completely motionless. I couldn't bear it and collapsed to the floor.He was really gone.Memories of us together came rushing back. Samuel had been our class president. He used to stand up for me when others made fun of my skinny frame. He spoiled me, taught me to rely on him, until I didn't know how to do anything on my own.So when Hannah started tormenting me, I had no one else to turn to but Samuel. By then, he didn't want anything to do with me, and I

Chapter 5

"I have to give them a good beating to get it off my chest, and I'm going to tell the teacher they're bullying people."I was used to this kind of harassment by now, so I just smiled and told Samuel it was nothing.When I opened my eyes, I was alone, lying in the dark bedroom.It was so cold. I wanted the warm milk Samuel used to make for me.But no one would ever heat milk for me again.Anger and stubbornness rose up inside me. I decided I would sneak into Samuel's house and take something of his, just one small thing to remember him by. I pulled myself out of bed, grabbed a cab, and went straight to the funeral parlor.When I arrived, I heard Samuel's family cursing me. Their words were vicious. They sounded like they wished I'd die just to join him in the grave.I meant to be quiet, to take one little keepsake and leave. But my presence caused an uproar. Samuel's relatives grabbed me and would not let go."What are you still doing here, you murderer? Haven't you done enough?

Chapter 6

I slipped into the crowd after school and waited outside Hannah's classroom for her to come out.However, I discovered that she had already left early with a few friends. The moment I heard, I broke into a run, chasing until I finally caught sight of her."Please just let me go. I'm begging you."Hannah was usually so arrogant, but she dropped to her knees the second she saw me. She pleaded for mercy, while the friends walking with her scattered and vanished down the street.I crouched slightly, trying to calm her down. "I'm not here for revenge. I just want to know what really happened to Samuel. Can you help me find out from his family? I won't hold anything from the past against you."Even as I said it, I had no idea if she would actually agree. Hannah had hated me so much before, so why would she help me now?She stayed silent for a long time. I thought her answer was no and turned to leave, ready to think of some other way."I'll help you. But after this, I never want to se

Chapter 7

Yuvan pulled me into his arms when he heard my doubts, holding me close until my breathing steadied. His hand moved gently across my back, and I slowly began to calm down."His family sent him to the hospital for treatment, but he resisted. He went on a hunger strike to protest.""Protest? Weren't they trying to help him by getting treatment?"But in the back of my mind, a different thought flickered, wild and impossible to ignore.If Samuel had fought against his family, did that mean he didn't care that I was a boy? That he hadn't been disgusted by the way I loved him?Or maybe... maybe he had even felt the same toward me?-My own family had never cared much for me. As long as I was alive, that was enough for them. Samuel was the one who kept their numbers stored in his phone, not me.I realized that if I wanted help now, I'd have to turn to someone else. And yet, I was shocked to realize just how much Samuel had quietly taken on for me all these years.I couldn't reach any

Chapter 8

Samuel had lived under constant torment, forced to question whether he was truly sick, until that torment destroyed him.Even after uncovering the full truth, there was no relief. No sense of victory. Only a hollow ache that stretched endlessly inside me.In the end, Samuel and I never got our chance.In the last few months of his life, we barely saw each other. When he came to my house to pack his things, maybe he was worried that I would fall apart after he was gone.If I hadn't loved him, would this tragedy have never happened?I couldn't ask a dead man, so I kept questioning myself. Even in my dreams, these questions played on repeat every single night. Maybe I asked them so much that eventually, Samuel stopped appearing in my dreams altogether.Still, I couldn't let go of the doubts. Why had he kept avoiding me? Why had he pretended to date Hannah?Yuvan reached out to her before I did."Why do you hate Isaac so much? He never did anything to you. Did Samuel really tell yo

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