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Lahat ng Kabanata ng Two Loves, One Destiny: Kabanata 101 - Kabanata 110

176 Kabanata

101

JakeThe wait was eternal.My hands were shaking as I sat next to Thomas and my mother in the waiting room.Why wasn’t anyone coming to give us information? Why was it taking so long? What was happening?The pressure in my chest was worse than the bullet wound. I didn’t think I could feel anything worse than the fear of dying from a gunshot, but I realized that fear had been small compared to the terror of losing Kiara.“What the hell is going on that no one tells us anything?” I shot up from my seat, walking —tired and determined— toward the reception desk to demand answers.“Jake, wait a second,” Thomas followed me.I turned around briefly, walking backwards. I wasn’t going to stop.“I can’t handle the uncertainty. Can you?” I narrowed my eyes. “This is about Kiara.”“They won’t be able to tell you anything,” I didn’t care. I turned back around and reached the desk.I asked about Kiara, but of course, they knew nothing about her.“How can you not know? I need information. We’ve been

102

JakeKiara’s room was cold when I walked in to see her. The window was closed, but the room still felt cold. I grabbed the heating control and adjusted it so Kiara would be comfortable.I knew perfectly well that Kiara had suffered from the cold ever since she got sick and pregnant. She mentioned it once during an obligatory dinner at my mother’s house, and I haven’t forgotten it.Kiara wasn’t pregnant anymore. Not now. She had just given birth, but I didn’t want to take any risks. Not when she couldn’t speak to tell me herself.Kiara was intubated, lying in the bed, connected to almost the same machines I had been connected to a few weeks ago. She was sunk into a deep sleep, and the idea of her not waking up terrified me. She looked like she was resting so peacefully… I don’t think she had slept like that in a long time.My stomach sank when I smelled her blood. She was no longer stained with it as the doctors had cleaned her, but Kiara still wasn’t completely clean.A knot formed in

103

Jake I carefully got up from Kiara’s bed as if she might wake up, but then I realized she wasn’t going to. She remained asleep, breathing slowly, just like a moment ago. Asleep, submerged in sedation, fighting to wake up and recover. I looked at Thomas as I stood up. Thomas was there, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, staring at me as if I were sinning. It was that same look as always, but there was something different again. There was calm in Thomas, but not the kind that was good. I knew, just by seeing him, that he had heard something. He heard what I was saying to Kiara. How much did he hear? How much vulnerability did he just witness? I stayed still for a moment, then took a step toward him, trying to regain composure. “How much did you hear?” I asked. There was no point pretending nothing had happened. Thomas kept his hardened expression for a few more seconds before answering. “Enough to know you love her,” he said, “and to know you realized that too late. Way

104

Jake Kiara’s hospital room was cold when I walked in. The window was closed, but it still felt cold inside. I grabbed the heating control and adjusted it so Kiara would be comfortable. I knew perfectly well that Kiara had suffered from the cold ever since she got sick and pregnant. She mentioned it during a mandatory dinner we had at my mother’s house, and I never erased that memory. Kiara was no longer pregnant. Not anymore. She had just given birth, but I didn’t want to take any risks, not when she couldn’t speak to tell me. Kiara was intubated, lying on the bed, and connected to almost the same machines I had been hooked to a few weeks ago. She was in a deep sleep, and it terrified me that she wouldn’t wake up. She looked so peacefully asleep… I don’t think she had rested like that in a long time. My stomach dropped when I smelled her blood. She wasn’t covered in blood anymore —the doctors had cleaned her— but Kiara still wasn’t completely clean. A knot formed in my chest, se

105

KiaraThomas was sitting in the chair beside my bed, watching over me as if my existence depended on it. He gave me sips of water now and then, adjusted my pillows, talked to the doctors when they came to check on me, and asked all kinds of questions.It had been a long day, and it still wasn’t over, but my babies were alive. That thought was what held me together. I used it like a lifeline.I barely spoke because my throat still burned after the respirator. Even so, my mind was awake, restless, and full of blurry images. Thomas stayed attentive to me the whole time, afraid of everything. Afraid that I would break.The door opened without warning. I was staring at the ceiling, but I heard the sound of plastic hitting someone’s leg as they came in, like the wrapping of a bouquet. I slowly turned my head. And I saw him.Jake walked in with a bouquet of flowers in his hand and froze completely the moment our eyes met. The surprise on his face was so obvious that I could almost feel it in

106

JakeWhen I saw her awake, my world froze.My mind went into some kind of paralysis because I couldn’t understand what was happening. When I came in the morning, she was still asleep, but when I returned in the afternoon, Kiara already had her eyes open and was aware of the movements around her.But nobody had told me Kiara had woken up. Not the doctor, not my brother.The first medical update always went to Thomas because he was her boyfriend and family, but he didn’t call me. Thomas knew I deserved to know. I deserved it even more than he did.I tried not to fight with him in front of her and focused on Kiara. I liked that she asked Thomas to leave us alone for a moment in private.Kiara told me how she felt. She said she was tired, but that sleeping would help her get better for tomorrow.I knew she was more exhausted than she admitted, that all her strength wasn’t back yet, and it was likely her legs would tremble the second they touched the floor. But Kiara would not show weaknes

107

Jake“I’m not asking you to blame me for believing it was true,” I said in pain, without taking my eyes off his. “I blame you for not trusting me.” “You said a week before we divorced that you’d look for someone else if I kept working so much,” I reminded him.Those words still hurt in my mind because I never believed he was serious. I thought he was just saying it out of anger, but then I learned the truth, and everything changed. I wouldn’t believe what happened if it weren’t for Kiara making that insinuation.Did that make me guilty? I truly acted with the tools I had at the time. I didn’t know how to face it. What I am guilty of is getting involved with her sister, but any regret was useless now after so many months. The path I chose wasn’t the right one. Healing my pain by getting involved with someone else isn’t healing, it’s revenge.I didn’t choose Irina because I fell madly in love with her the way I did with Kiara. I chose her because she was there to support me during the

108

JakeWhen I stepped into the house, something was wrong. There was no music, no lights on, no trace of Irina’s perfume lingering in the air. Just stillness and silence. I set the keys down on the table and looked around, expecting her to appear from somewhere, but Irina wasn’t in the house.My mother watched me for a second, as if she understood what I was thinking without me having to say it, and went upstairs to the guest room. I stayed downstairs, waiting anxiously. I checked my phone. No messages. No replies. It was Saturday. And somehow, that unsettled me even more.I texted her a couple of times, but nothing came through. An uncomfortable pressure settled in my chest, a mix of worry and anger that started to grow fast. I went out to the patio and called two pack members who were nearby. I needed to know, not wait. I couldn’t stay still with that feeling. I asked them directly about Irina. They told me she had gone to a party, that she had protection, that she wasn’t alone. That

109

KiaraJake pushed the wheelchair carefully, attentive to every movement, as if even the air could hurt me. I had a light blanket over my legs and my hands resting on my lap, trying to stay calm. Jake said he’d bought it for me on the way.The doctors had given me a good prognosis, so they told me I could finally see them, my children. I still found it hard to believe.The neonatal intensive care unit smelled different from the regular ward where I’d been staying. The constant sound of the monitors filled the space and was a little unsettling to hear and see. So many machines… so many babies everywhere… so many families in the same complicated situation Jake and I were in.Jake stopped beside one of the incubators, and I lifted my gaze. There they were, the little girl and the little boy. So tiny that my chest ached just looking at them, overwhelmed by emotion.Hanna and Blake rested separately, wrapped in wires, tiny blankets covering them. They were real. The wait had been worth it.

110

KiaraSeeing my children, touching them, breathing in their baby scent made me rethink everything in my life.I admit I was so nervous that my legs were shaking, and it was a good thing they took me back to the room in a wheelchair so I wouldn’t have to strain myself.The doctor said I looked better and that the tests they ran early that morning, before I saw the babies, had shown positive and hopeful results. My heart was beginning to regain strength.It was truly comforting to receive good news after so much bad.Jake stayed with me throughout the entire session, and then we returned to the room. He pushed my wheelchair the whole time and helped me into bed by lifting me in his arms.They didn’t connect me to the machines right away because the doctor said it was time for me to bathe. Jake waited outside the room before coming back in. Thomas hadn’t been at the hospital for a few hours because I told him to go rest at the house; he’d been with me almost all day.The scar on my abdom

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