Semua Bab Three Loves & Everything Between : Bab 21 - Bab 30

Chapter Twenty-One: Not Fireworks, But Home Callie gracefully surrendered the living room by passing out not long after. Noah and I moved to the balcony, the space exposed to the night and open to honest talk. The air was cool, the wind blowing past us, carrying the clean scent of distant rain. The city lights flickered below. We talked quietly at first. Then deeper. Then deeper still. He told me about his grandmother—truly told me. He described the hollow space her death had left. The guilt that he hadn't done enough. The sheer, physical loneliness that had driven him to distraction. His voice caught and trembled, and I saw tears in his eyes. And I cried. Quietly at first, then openly, because grief instantly recognizes grief, and his vulnerability unlocked mine. I told him about the baby—not just the choice, but the agonizing silence I carried afterward. The years of hidden guilt, the way Raymond used the memory against me, and the profound loneliness of going through that wit

The easy rhythm we found was the core of our reunion: the ability to just exist together without pressure. We settled quickly and deeply into shared space, creating new habits that felt instantly old and familiar. He’d drop onto my couch like it belonged to him, legs stretched out, grabbing the controller. I’d settle next to him or on the floor, leaning back against his knee while scrolling my phone. Every so often, he’d brush against me—arm, knee, fingers—just small, anchoring touches that silently affirmed our new reality: I’m here. You’re here. This is us. And it didn't have to be more complicated than that. We had our rituals: sharing a simple dinner, folding clothes together in comfortable silence, and rolling my cigarettes. He’d roll slowly, meticulously. I’d sigh dramatically and tell him he took too long. He’d laugh under his breath, a deep, satisfied sound, and tell me I didn’t appreciate craftsmanship. Music floated through the room—old songs, new ones, songs that made us

The whole world outside the bathroom remained silent, but inside, a quiet terror was taking hold. I stayed glued to the edge of the tub, staring at the two tests. Two different brands, two identical, unambiguous results. The lines were so dark, so definitive. My first thought was a paralyzing, cold rush of memory: the loneliness of the last time, the overwhelming fear, the utter lack of a supportive voice. I felt sick, not from hormones, but from the resurrected shame. I remembered the feeling of being too fragile, too much of a burden. I remembered the silence. I fought the urge to pretend this moment hadn’t happened, to return to the predictable, hard-won peace. But the tests were real, warm in my shaking hand. I took three long, deep breaths, forcing myself to stand. I had to face him. I owed him the truth, but more importantly, I needed to know if he was still the man who promised he wouldn’t run. I finally opened the door. Noah paused his game the second he saw my face. The

We left the first appointment with a mixture of raw exhaustion and fierce determination. The full reality of the pregnancy was no longer just a private choice; it was a medical mission. The emotional high of my decision was replaced by the messy, day-to-day reality of hormones and extreme fatigue. The weeks that followed were an intense period of deepening intimacy and physical chaos. Noah became a hero of mundane tasks. He brought home snacks at 2 AM without a single complaint. He learned to differentiate between the sound of hormonal crying and genuine distress. He started obsessively reading parenting books, muttering facts about folic acid and baby milestones. His devotion was absolute. Then came the anticipation for the next milestone: the first ultrasound. We walked in holding hands, a silent, nervous energy thrumming between us. The nurse, sensing our tension, spoke kindly as she dimmed the lights. The monitor screen glowed blue and expectant. The gel she squeezed onto my ab

The silence that followed the birth was the single most terrifying sound I had ever experienced. It wasn't the absence of noise; it was the active, suffocating lack of life where life should be. My inner monologue became a chaotic stopwatch. How long? How many seconds? He needs to breathe. Why isn't he crying? I managed to lift my head just enough to catch a glimpse past the frantic team. I saw a flash of skin—small, limp, and terrifyingly purple. The realization—that oxygen was not reaching him, that the complication was severe—hit me with the force of physical pain. Noah’s hand was resting on my shoulder, heavy and shaking, offering the only contact he could manage while his eyes were locked on our son. We had spent nine months building a future, and now, in the first 20 seconds of his life, it felt like that future was dissolving into a clinical disaster. I whispered again, the sound barely clearing my lips, “Noah, he’s purple.” My mind flashed back to the last time—the silen