Avelin POVThe first weeks of being a father feel like drowning and flying at the same time. I don't sleep enough, I don't eat enough, and I barely remember what day it is most of the time. And yet, every time my son opens those steel-blue eyes and looks at me, I feel something so fierce and bright it almost hurts.It is love, but not the soft, aching kind I felt when I first fell for Shen. This is different; it is immediate, wild, protective, and absolute. It is the kind of love that doesn't ask permission and doesn't leave room for anything else.Baby Shen wakes every two or three hours without fail, and sometimes sooner. Whether he is hungry, wet, lonely, uncomfortable, or startled by his own tiny body, the reasons change, but the crying doesn't. I stumble through nights in a haze of milk, cloth, rocking, whispering, and panic. I feed him, change him, burp him, and pace the room with him pressed against my shoulder until his small body finally relaxes and his breathing evens out. T
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