Lahat ng Kabanata ng Redacted Desires: Kabanata 31 - Kabanata 38

Sienna’s POVThe meeting was called for ten.Which meant everyone arrived at nine fifty-three and pretended they hadn’t been early.Forty people in the main conference room — the full Research and Finance division and representatives from various departments, plus senior representatives from three other departments who had no operational reason to be there and every political reason to be seen there. The long table filled in gradients of authority: juniors clustered toward the middle, senior managers along the sides, Mathilda Armstrong at the far end with the composed stillness of someone who had occupied the head of rooms like this for two decades and found them, on principle, unremarkable.Cassius stood at the front.Andrea leaned in before we sat down. “He looks particularly good today,” she said quietly. “I’m just noting it. Objectively. For the record.”“Sit down, Andrea.”“The jacket especially. Is that—”“Andrea.”She sat, but not before giving the jacket one last assessing gla

Sienna’s POVI was home by two in the morning.Cassius’s man drove me — one of the quiet ones, the kind who understood that silence wasn’t absence but a kind of permission — and walked me to the building entrance. He waited until I was inside before he turned away, like he’d been instructed to make sure I made it back into something that resembled safety.I took the elevator alone.There was a mirror on the far wall. I didn’t look at my face. I looked at my wrists.The marks were still there. Faint, but deliberate. Not accidents. Not something you could explain away if anyone asked the wrong question. I rotated them slightly, like the angle might change what had happened. It didn’t.I thought about nothing in particular, which was the mind’s way of refusing to choose which part of the night deserved to be faced first.The doors opened.The apartment was dark. I didn’t turn on the lights. It felt wrong to make anything brighter than it already was, like I’d be lying to the space itself

Sienna’s POVAfter a few days at home, I decided to go back to work.Sadie had argued against it at seven in the morning with the focused patience of someone who had run the same argument three times and was not going to stop running it simply because it hadn’t worked yet. I listened to all of it. Then I put on my coat, picked up my bag, and went anyway, because sitting in the apartment with the specific quality of silence that followed something terrible was worse than moving through it, and moving had always been the only thing I knew how to do when everything else failed. I instead urged her to take good care of Sam when he was up. The subway was the subway. People with their phones and their coffee and their Monday morning faces, entirely unaware that the woman standing at the far end of the car had spent part of the previous night tied up in a building on the south waterfront. That was the thing about the city — it didn’t adjust for you. It simply continued, and you either moved

Sienna’s POVThe floor had a different quality on Thursday.Not dramatically different — the same desks, the same screens, the same ambient hum of a department doing its work. But something had shifted in the social atmosphere, the way things shifted when a floor had processed something and arrived at a collective position without anyone calling a meeting about it. People looked up when I passed. Not obviously — just that half-second longer, the particular attention of colleagues who knew something had happened to someone they worked alongside and had decided to be respectful about not knowing exactly what.Respectful, and curious.Curiosity was harder to manage.I had been back for three days. I had performed fine for all three of them. I had answered emails and attended the Henderson meeting and produced the Q3 variance analysis and eaten lunch at my desk and done every single ordinary professional thing available to me — and I had still spent forty percent of my cognitive bandwidth