The majority of the day feels like a performance I don’t remember rehearsing. I sit in class. I take notes. I answer questions when teachers call on me. But none of it sticks. Everything feels like it’s happening a half-step behind me, like I’m watching myself go through the motions instead of actually being in them. Because underneath all of it.. There’s that hum. That awareness. That pressure that doesn’t leave anymore. And worse.. I’m starting to recognize it. Not just when it spikes. Not just when something is shifting.. But all the time. Like it’s been there longer than I realized. Like I just didn’t know what I was feeling before. By the time the last period ends, I don’t wait. I don’t linger. I don’t pretend I’m not thinking about it. About him. About everything he’s said. About the way he stepped in earlier like he already knew exactly what was happening before I did. I move through the hallway quickly, weaving through people without really seeing them. I know where he’ll be.
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