All Chapters of Mom’s Regret After I Died: Chapter 1 - Chapter 8

8 Chapters

Chapter 1

I wiped the blood off my mouth and slipped one of the pellets between my lips.I swallowed it down with spit.Mama was already across the room, holding Charlotte, soothing her while Charlotte laughed into her shoulder. Mama didn't notice the porcelain shard digging into my palm.I kept my head down and slid the little pill bottle into the belly of my stuffed bunny.Mrs. Hayes, the housekeeper, looked at my hand and sighed."Why can't you behave? Just give your mother a little peace.""Mrs. Ashford told me this bracelet thing is recommended by experts. It's supposed to help you. It'll teach you not to lie. She bought it for you, you understand? She's trying to help."I nodded.I know Mama is trying to help.But when I tell the truth, it goes red anyway.Maybe I'm so slow I can't even tell the truth right.She walked me upstairs and shoved a clean dress over my head. Then, the way she always did, she sank her nails into the soft part of my arm and twisted."You disgusting little stray. H

Chapter 2

Someone gasped.I looked down. Blood had soaked through my white socks.A dull, late wave of pain twisted up under my ribs, and my stomach lurched. My teeth started chattering. The room spun, and I slid down onto the floor.I told Mama there was a nail in my shoe. The second I said it, the red light flickered on my wrist again, and Mama's face went stiff and disgusted. She said if I lied one more time, she'd send me back to the holler.Every step I took, my foot felt like it was being drilled into, but being sent away from Mama would be worse, so I kept quiet."So now you're hurting yourself for attention. Fine. Go act out somewhere else where I can't see you."Outside, the wind was wild and the rain came down hard.I hurt everywhere. My hand hurt. My foot hurt.Through the bay window I could see Mama in the warm light, holding Charlotte, smiling, braiding her hair.This time even the place inside my chest that didn't have a cut was hurting.Mommy, am I not your kid?How can you hold h

Chapter 3

Her eyes followed the drop down.I reached up to my face. Blood was running from my nose, fast. The cake batter on the floor was already turning into a sticky red puddle.The collar of my dress was bright red. When I looked behind me, I saw bright red drops all over the floor, a whole trail of them.Mama was a clean person. I scrambled to my knees and started wiping the floor with my sleeve.The more I wiped, the worse it got."What is going on? Why is there so much blood?" Mama's face had gone still."I didn't mean to, Mommy, I—""So you ate the frosting. We can afford to feed you. You don't have to make this much of a scene, and now you're bleeding from your nose?"Was she actually worried about me? I didn't know why, but the tears just started coming. Mama hadn't sounded like that in so long. I was so happy I forgot the pain.I reached out for her. "Mommy."Before my fingers touched her, Charlotte came out of the kitchen holding an empty bottle."Look, my little sister ate all the s

Chapter 4

Charlotte snatched the bunny out of my arms, threw him on the floor, and ground her shoe down on his face.His face crumpled. One of his ears tore off.My chest seized up. I scrambled after her, all the way down the stairs.I bent down to pick up the ruined bunny, and when I looked up, flashes went off all around me, blinding white.Voices everywhere."Look at her. She has the same eyes as Mrs. Ashford.""Didn't they say Mrs. Ashford had another child, before they found her?"Everything was strange and loud, and my body was burning. I looked across the room for Mama.Her face was steel. Her eyes were full of disgust.My chest squeezed so hard I couldn't get air."No. No."Mama doesn't want them to figure out who I am. She doesn't want anyone to know I'm hers."She's not my mommy. I don't have a mommy."I started screaming. "Please, stop talking about her. Please.""She wet herself. Look."The whole room went dead silent.I went rigid. I stared down at my legs and started yanking at the

Chapter 5

I smiled, light as anything, and let myself fall flat onto the floor.This way, it doesn't hurt.The room exploded around me. Voices got far away, and farther. The world was spinning.Right before my eyes closed, I saw Mama running toward me.The little bottle rolled across the marble and stopped at her feet.Her face went white, and she screamed."Spit it out!"Mama forced my teeth apart. Her tears fell on my face.They were warm.My body convulsed. Pain pulsed in my stomach, and more blood came up. Then blood started running out of my nose, too. I must have looked terrible.Something heavy was sitting on my chest, and I couldn't breathe.I wanted to say Mommy, don't be scared, it doesn't hurt anymore, but my throat wouldn't work. I tried to move my mouth, but nothing came out.Mommy, I got your dress dirty.I moved my fingers, trying to reach up to wipe it off, but my hand was too heavy. It wouldn't move.Mama's face wavered above me, and everything was getting soft.She was crying s

Chapter 6

She held the bottle in a death grip.A memory flashed through her head.Thanksgiving Day. Another broken bowl.Holding my chin in her hand, ignoring the terror in my eyes, tipping the pills into my mouth.She'd pressed her aching temples and slumped against the wall, breathing hard.But someone had pulled her back that day.She'd told the staff to clean up every last pill.Her fingernails dug into her palms. She didn't feel it."Sis."Charlotte stepped forward, sniffling."I'm not gonna pick on you anymore. Come on, get up."She tugged at my hand. I didn't move, and the cold of my skin made her flinch back.Mama's whole body went rigid. Her brows snapped together. She grabbed Charlotte by the shoulders."What did you just say?"Details she'd ignored came rushing back.The blood in the cake batter. The smear she couldn't get out of the floor.That wasn't strawberry jam.Mama's eyes moved down to my wrist.The black bracelet was still there.The light was dead.There was no heartbeat, so

Chapter 7

She pulled, and a battered hand-carved wooden whistle came out from under my pillow.Pa had made it.The day Mama took me from the holler, Pa had run after the car. His face had been bruised purple, and he'd just kept running until he was a small dark shape behind us.Mama froze. She lifted the whistle, and the whistle made a low cracked note.The shame hit her all at once. She bent over me and the tears came down, her thumb tracing the grooves Pa had carved.She couldn't remember exactly why she'd thrown that whistle in the swimming pool.But she remembered I had jumped in after it. I had stayed in that water until late at night, feeling around the bottom. The next day, I'd had a high fever.Remembering it, the color drained out of her face. She bit down on her finger and crumpled into the grief."It was Mommy. Mommy did this. Mommy never should have brought you here.""You were still my laughing Daisy. Mommy did this."I shook my head. I tried to put my arms around her.These last fe

Chapter 8

"It was my fault. I let things happen to Miss Daisy."It wasn't really Mrs. Hayes's fault. She just loved Mama too much.Everyone here was crying. They were all in pieces.I drifted around the room, but I couldn't wipe anyone's tears for them.I think Daisy did something wrong again.At the funeral.The girl in the open casket was wearing a pretty dress, her eyes closed. She looked like me, and didn't look like me.Pa came in. He was dragging one leg behind him. The second he saw me lying there in the box, his face lit up, and he rushed over.He didn't notice the room full of people staring as he fished two hard candies out of his coat pocket."Daisy. Get up, baby. Daddy brought you something good."His hand was tan, with dirt under the nails.He put a candy in my palm."Daisy. Why aren't you eating your candy?"Someone shoved Pa, and he went down hard onto the broken glass and lay there grimacing.He looked around, confused, scratching at his head. Then he saw Mama, her eyes red and s

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