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홈 / Emotional Realism / Mom’s Regret After I Died / Chapter 4

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Chapter 4

작가: Belen
Charlotte snatched the bunny out of my arms, threw him on the floor, and ground her shoe down on his face.

His face crumpled. One of his ears tore off.

My chest seized up. I scrambled after her, all the way down the stairs.

I bent down to pick up the ruined bunny, and when I looked up, flashes went off all around me, blinding white.

Voices everywhere.

"Look at her. She has the same eyes as Mrs. Ashford."

"Didn't they say Mrs. Ashford had another child, before they found her?"

Everything was strange and loud, and my body was burning. I looked across the room for Mama.

Her face was steel. Her eyes were full of disgust.

My chest squeezed so hard I couldn't get air.

"No. No."

Mama doesn't want them to figure out who I am. She doesn't want anyone to know I'm hers.

"She's not my mommy. I don't have a mommy."

I started screaming. "Please, stop talking about her. Please."

"She wet herself. Look."

The whole room went dead silent.

I went rigid. I stared down at my legs and started yanking at the hem of my muddy dress, trying to cover the dark wet patch.

I caught Mama's eyes. She was even angrier than before.

I was sobbing. "Mommy, I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it in."

"I am not your mother. And what are you doing carrying that filthy rabbit around? Haven't you embarrassed me enough?"

Mama stalked over and tore the bunny right out of my hands, then ripped one of his legs clean off. The cotton stuffing burst out of the rip and spilled.

Something inside me ripped open at the same moment. Fine cold needles drove into my bones. This was worse than every other time.

"Don't, please. Mommy gave him to me, please don't."

Then I tasted iron.

Black blood came up out of my throat. I tried to keep my eyes open as I grabbed handfuls of cotton off the floor and tried to stuff them back into the bunny.

The little bottle hit the floor with a small sound. I lunged at it and got the last pellet into my mouth.

I swallowed.

As I swallowed, I looked one last time at the light on my wrist.

It went dim. Then dimmer. Then it went out.

I don't lie anymore. I don't talk anymore.

It's all the same.
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  • Mom’s Regret After I Died   Chapter 8

    "It was my fault. I let things happen to Miss Daisy."It wasn't really Mrs. Hayes's fault. She just loved Mama too much.Everyone here was crying. They were all in pieces.I drifted around the room, but I couldn't wipe anyone's tears for them.I think Daisy did something wrong again.At the funeral.The girl in the open casket was wearing a pretty dress, her eyes closed. She looked like me, and didn't look like me.Pa came in. He was dragging one leg behind him. The second he saw me lying there in the box, his face lit up, and he rushed over.He didn't notice the room full of people staring as he fished two hard candies out of his coat pocket."Daisy. Get up, baby. Daddy brought you something good."His hand was tan, with dirt under the nails.He put a candy in my palm."Daisy. Why aren't you eating your candy?"Someone shoved Pa, and he went down hard onto the broken glass and lay there grimacing.He looked around, confused, scratching at his head. Then he saw Mama, her eyes red and s

  • Mom’s Regret After I Died   Chapter 7

    She pulled, and a battered hand-carved wooden whistle came out from under my pillow.Pa had made it.The day Mama took me from the holler, Pa had run after the car. His face had been bruised purple, and he'd just kept running until he was a small dark shape behind us.Mama froze. She lifted the whistle, and the whistle made a low cracked note.The shame hit her all at once. She bent over me and the tears came down, her thumb tracing the grooves Pa had carved.She couldn't remember exactly why she'd thrown that whistle in the swimming pool.But she remembered I had jumped in after it. I had stayed in that water until late at night, feeling around the bottom. The next day, I'd had a high fever.Remembering it, the color drained out of her face. She bit down on her finger and crumpled into the grief."It was Mommy. Mommy did this. Mommy never should have brought you here.""You were still my laughing Daisy. Mommy did this."I shook my head. I tried to put my arms around her.These last fe

  • Mom’s Regret After I Died   Chapter 6

    She held the bottle in a death grip.A memory flashed through her head.Thanksgiving Day. Another broken bowl.Holding my chin in her hand, ignoring the terror in my eyes, tipping the pills into my mouth.She'd pressed her aching temples and slumped against the wall, breathing hard.But someone had pulled her back that day.She'd told the staff to clean up every last pill.Her fingernails dug into her palms. She didn't feel it."Sis."Charlotte stepped forward, sniffling."I'm not gonna pick on you anymore. Come on, get up."She tugged at my hand. I didn't move, and the cold of my skin made her flinch back.Mama's whole body went rigid. Her brows snapped together. She grabbed Charlotte by the shoulders."What did you just say?"Details she'd ignored came rushing back.The blood in the cake batter. The smear she couldn't get out of the floor.That wasn't strawberry jam.Mama's eyes moved down to my wrist.The black bracelet was still there.The light was dead.There was no heartbeat, so

  • Mom’s Regret After I Died   Chapter 5

    I smiled, light as anything, and let myself fall flat onto the floor.This way, it doesn't hurt.The room exploded around me. Voices got far away, and farther. The world was spinning.Right before my eyes closed, I saw Mama running toward me.The little bottle rolled across the marble and stopped at her feet.Her face went white, and she screamed."Spit it out!"Mama forced my teeth apart. Her tears fell on my face.They were warm.My body convulsed. Pain pulsed in my stomach, and more blood came up. Then blood started running out of my nose, too. I must have looked terrible.Something heavy was sitting on my chest, and I couldn't breathe.I wanted to say Mommy, don't be scared, it doesn't hurt anymore, but my throat wouldn't work. I tried to move my mouth, but nothing came out.Mommy, I got your dress dirty.I moved my fingers, trying to reach up to wipe it off, but my hand was too heavy. It wouldn't move.Mama's face wavered above me, and everything was getting soft.She was crying s

  • Mom’s Regret After I Died   Chapter 4

    Charlotte snatched the bunny out of my arms, threw him on the floor, and ground her shoe down on his face.His face crumpled. One of his ears tore off.My chest seized up. I scrambled after her, all the way down the stairs.I bent down to pick up the ruined bunny, and when I looked up, flashes went off all around me, blinding white.Voices everywhere."Look at her. She has the same eyes as Mrs. Ashford.""Didn't they say Mrs. Ashford had another child, before they found her?"Everything was strange and loud, and my body was burning. I looked across the room for Mama.Her face was steel. Her eyes were full of disgust.My chest squeezed so hard I couldn't get air."No. No."Mama doesn't want them to figure out who I am. She doesn't want anyone to know I'm hers."She's not my mommy. I don't have a mommy."I started screaming. "Please, stop talking about her. Please.""She wet herself. Look."The whole room went dead silent.I went rigid. I stared down at my legs and started yanking at the

  • Mom’s Regret After I Died   Chapter 3

    Her eyes followed the drop down.I reached up to my face. Blood was running from my nose, fast. The cake batter on the floor was already turning into a sticky red puddle.The collar of my dress was bright red. When I looked behind me, I saw bright red drops all over the floor, a whole trail of them.Mama was a clean person. I scrambled to my knees and started wiping the floor with my sleeve.The more I wiped, the worse it got."What is going on? Why is there so much blood?" Mama's face had gone still."I didn't mean to, Mommy, I—""So you ate the frosting. We can afford to feed you. You don't have to make this much of a scene, and now you're bleeding from your nose?"Was she actually worried about me? I didn't know why, but the tears just started coming. Mama hadn't sounded like that in so long. I was so happy I forgot the pain.I reached out for her. "Mommy."Before my fingers touched her, Charlotte came out of the kitchen holding an empty bottle."Look, my little sister ate all the s

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