Alle Kapitel von CONFESS TO ME: For God Until Him: Kapitel 11 – Kapitel 20

MICAHMy mind was scattered. How did it come to this? Blaze. Why did he do that? His teasing was out of line and…I was confused. I stood at the pulpit, the light shining through the stained glass windows casting a holy glow as if from on high, and forgot the Bible reading altogether.“Uh… The Lord… works in mysterious ways…” I concluded pathetically. A few old-timers in the congregation nodded. Mrs. Alvarez, sitting front and center, frowned as if she could smell the smoke. My cheeks flamed. I could feel the back of my neck prickling with sweat under the collar.“Get it together, Micah.”This homily was even worse. I wanted to preach on how to fight temptations, and somehow managed to drift off into an incoherent tangent about “dangerous men with… strong arms who… come into your house without being invited.” At least half of the congregation seemed perplexed while the rest worried about my sanity. I had to cut it short and hastily bless them before stumbling down from the pulpit, whi

BLAZEThe next few days fell into some kind of pattern.Now I was officially a guest. No longer a patient, but certainly not yet a roommate. Somewhere in between, where I could lie on his couch, put my boots near the door, and have coffee from his kitchen without any requests. He did not complain. Micah wasn't really made to complain. He was made to worry, to wring his hands, and twice a day to check my wounds with his priestly fingers that always shivered when they touched me.But by the third day, I saw that he had begun to keep his distance.Subtly. Almost unnoticeably. But I knew how to read men—their fears, their tells, the way their eyes moved when they lied to me. Micah began to distance himself. He brought the tea to the coffee table and went to his little corner to pray. He checked the wound twice a day and tried not to meet my eyes, his lips trembling.He was afraid. Of me? No, of himself.This would not do for me.So, on the fourth morning, feeling the itching under my band

BLAZE“Blaze. I can't understand what or where you want me to be if you don't explain anything.” His cute lips made a slight pout on the top. "All of it," I said, leaning against the door jamb with my arms crossed. "Praying and begging. Doesn't seem to do you any good."He paused in his prayer and looked up at me, his hands stilling for a moment. "It works when we believe.""Bullshit.” The word cracked through the room like a stone through glass.He turned, finally, to look at me. "It's not…it's not about the proof. It's about trust.""Trust?” I scoffed. “Oh, I see how it is. You're delusional. You think some old man in the sky is going to save you every time you're in trouble. News flash, he won't.”His lips thinned. “Don't speak about what you don't know.”"I know enough. If he's real, he should have never let you stay with me.” I dropped the last word. “You're going to respond with, the usual, ‘The Lord works in mysterious ways.’ Go on. Do it."He kept silent. “That's what I thou

MICAH I woke up with the feeling of his lips on mine and the painful awareness that I had destroyed something beyond repair. The morning light filtered through the curtains in golden rays. My heart was pounding even before I opened my eyes.Blaze was lying on his side next to me. One arm was under his head, and the other was lying between us. The bandages on his ribs were clean. Black locks fell over his forehead and… those eyes were open.He had been watching me while I was sleeping."Good morning, sunshine," he murmured in his deep voice with a smirk. "You look gorgeous today."I shot up from the bed so abruptly that the sheet fell onto my lap. Flames rushed to my cheeks. I grabbed the clerical collar from the bedside table and hugged it close."I—need to…" My voice was breaking. "There is a baptism ceremony at ten. I should go."Blaze did not budge. He watched me like he was calculating the distance between me and the person who had kissed him last night. "You can get ready here,

MICAH Sunday morning came. I almost made it all the way through the service without looking for him.I was midway through the homily, reciting something thoughtful about the power of God’s strength against temptations. Ironically, mine seemed to vanish whenever Blaze was around. When my eyes rose to scan the congregation, I saw Blaze sitting in the last pew.His black shirt was open at the neckline, and he waved his fingers teasingly, grinning at me.Oh, God, what did he want?I stopped speaking mid sentence, flustered and caught off guard.After a few seconds of hesitation, I regained my composure and turned my focus completely to the book in front of me. When I glanced up again, he was nowhere to be seen. Had I imagined him?~I got back home late on purpose to claim some peace of mind by choosing to stay on the living room couch.Blaze allowed me to think I was successful in my attempt to keep him away for almost an hour. I nodded off into a light slumber while sitting up. When I