All Chapters of After I Died, My Fiancé Went Mad: Chapter 11 - Chapter 18

A week before I died, I suddenly wanted very much to go home and see the house again.Dr. Grant arranged an ambulance, and the caregiver wheeled me in through the back door. Luca wasn't there. Almost nothing in the house had changed.The necklace from our tenth anniversary still sat unopened in the living room. The dining table had been cleared, but the wall still bore the mark where a wineglass had shattered against it.I had the caregiver wait at the door and turned the wheelchair slowly through the rooms alone.The study was piled with my medical records and rehab materials. Luca had marked every page and listed contact details for dozens of doctors abroad.In a drawer was a stack of wedding invitations that had never been sent. The date was different every year. Starting six years ago, he had prepared them almost every year.The first year, the company ran out of cash. The second, his father was arrested. The third, I joined the ballet's most important tour. The fourth, the Moretti

Before the footage was recovered, I went home first.After Eve left, her room had stayed locked. Before, I hadn't dared go in, afraid of seeing the marks the wheelchair had left. That day I opened the door, and found the nightstand full of unopened pain patches.At the bottom of the drawer was a rehab schedule.In the first year after the accident, she had completed every session. In the second, she began missing them. In the third, after every date she had written the same line: Didn't stand up today either.The last page read: Luca said it didn't matter again today, but I can see he's disappointed.I had never once been disappointed in her.I only hated myself for not being able to save her.But I never said so. I thought that looking after her every day, paying her bills, finding the best doctors, was enough to prove what I felt.Only now did I understand. What she needed wasn't the bills. She needed me to tell her that whether or not she could stand, she was still the Eve I loved.

The lawyer also gave me a box.Inside were the photographs Eve had left, her dance shoes, and our old ledgers. Every item was labeled with who it should go to. Before she died, she had arranged everything. The only thing she hadn't arranged was a grave for herself."Where is her body?""Donated to the research center, as she wished.""Who signed for it?""She did."I didn't even get the chance to hold a funeral for her.She didn't want me to see her after death, and she didn't want me keeping vigil at a grave. I knew she was protecting me, but that protection took away even my last goodbye.In the box was a photograph from when we were young.On the back, she had written: This was my happiest day.That day was only the company's opening. We had no money to celebrate, just one discount pizza. I had even spent the whole evening in a temper because a client was late.I didn't remember what I had said to her.She had kept that day as her happiest for ten years.I pressed the photograph to

Eve's letter arrived a month later.There was no forgiveness in it, and no blame.She wrote only a few small things.She said she always remembered me warming her dance shoes in winter.She said she had never regretted building the company with me.She also said we had once planned to go to Sicily. If I had the time, I should see the sea at Cefalù for her.The last line was: Luca, stop waiting for me.I took her ashes to Sicily.I rented an old house in Cefalù with a view of the sea. Every morning, I set out two breakfasts.One for me, one for her.At first, I knew she was dead.Later, I often forgot.I would see a figure in the street, think it was her, and chase it for blocks. I would hear her calling me in the middle of the night and run barefoot to the shore. I would talk to an empty chair all day.The doctors said I had severe post-traumatic stress, depression, and hallucinations, and needed to be hospitalized.I refused.I was afraid that if I went into a hospital, Eve wouldn't b