The Beauty of The Guilty

~"End it! End it all!" The voice kept ringing in my ears. As silent as it was, it had that much intensity. I wouldn't give in to it but I could use some release. I jerked up from my bed as I dashed towards my drawer. I was thoroughly ransacking it for something. Nothing in particular actually. Anything that could give me release now. I wouldn't mind using it. My hands grabbed something; yea, it's a lighter. I brought it out. This could do. I flicked it on and brought it beneath my elbow. The burning sensations lifted my spirit. It's weird but I find pleasure... I was suddenly smacked at my head making the lighter slipped from my hand.~

"Dude, give the book back." I frowned tossing  a coin at him. "There are few things I hate and stopping me from reading tops the list." I dead panned.

"Ish, you really need to stop reading books like this. I can't watch you go crazy. It's really weird that you stack your book shelf with varieties of psychological disorder. Now isn't the time for this. We have a compulsory flight tomorrow and you know it better than any one." Eric complained.

"Whatever. I would grab another book." I muttered walking away. He can never understand my love for these books and I can't argue. They filled up the empty spaces in my life and more. I walked to my room shutting the door behind. I really needed to get ready for tomorrow. I would be stepping into Nigeria after sixteen years. I wondered how the country itself would look like nevertheless it's people.

"Ish, I really hope you aren't stomping on another book. Hey! Ish!" Eric raised his voice as I chuckled lightly at his reaction. I strolled over to my book shelf picking the best collections. I obviously won't travel with over a hundred novels. I really hoped Abigail got us a house big enough to receive my books. I had over two hundred books on various disorders. I won't pack all since I shouldn't waste time in revenging.

"Guys! I'm home." David voice broke the extreme silence as I walked out with a bored expression. 

You just had to go out, eh?" I questioned with an eyeroll.

"Mmmm... You know I can't start a day without my morning double-double and jelly filled dutchie." He winked walking towards his room.

"Come back down, go grab your runners. We are going for a walk. Get Eric out too, eh?" I grabbed my toque before walking out.

"Ish, what about my double-double?" He shouted as I shrugged.

"Dump it. Meet me out very soon. It's pretty cold." They came out few minutes later. I just wanted us to clear our heads.

"I am so excited about tomorrow's trip."David squealed to Eric as I looked away shaking ny head.

"It's not a fun trip. It's revenge. I don't see what's so exciting about that." I said bluntly as he looked hurt. I didn't say anything wrong, eh?

"Ish!" Eric scolded as I kept running faster.

"Dave, you know it isn't like that. He has been on the edge for the past one week. He is just so worried about the whole revenge thing. You get right?" 

"Of course. He is coldhearted but I can see through his fears. Everything is going to be a success. He really shouldn't worry."

I overheard their conversation as the cold wind beat my skin. It's a great lie to say I don't know what laid ahead of me. But in spite of that, I stood my ground. The only thing I feared the most was the safety of the people near me. David was a little kid who just came out of college. I felt so bad that he had to abandon his life to help me. And now he thought of revenge as fun? Wasn't he aware of the unknown pain and  timeless war in this path. His life could be lost in the process. A lot of things were at risk. But he saw that all as fun? 

"Damn!" I yelled clenching my fist. Following this path, I had risked everything. I had to succeed. Those monsters would be crushed by me. There was no longer a doubt about that. A supposed dead boy was going to rise again. I might as well say 'A ghost'.

                                 ***

"Don't think about it, eh? No double - double this morning. We need to get to the airport." I replied as we were putting the luggage in the vehicle.

"You guys don't have to argue about everything." Eric added.

"True." David huffed before entering the vehicle.

Our ride to the airport was quiet as usual. I communed with the nature in silence. The wind brushed my face as I rolled down the window. The trees that bowed told me that I can do it. The nearby dog that stared into my soul reminded me to let go of my fears. The little traffic we got in assured me of the irks in my path. The few minutes wait told me of the future to come. I could see all that would happen to me. There was light at the end of the tunnel because we got to the airport safely. I really did hope it was as simple as this.

"We are finally in the plane." I could hear David ranting it all to Eric who seemed fully interested in the conversation. His joy was the clue I feared the most. Nothing must happen to him. Why did he have to be so happy? 

"I can't wait to land in Nigeria. You know, I have never been there before." He added as I turned before Eric could respond.

"Of course, we both know that. Well, only of you intend to tell everyone in the plane. Also, I won't tell you again that it's not a fun trip. Keep your excitement to yourself. Eh?" I reacted. I couldn't bear the wordless thoughts swelling round my mind. I know it was harsh but he needed to understand that perfectly well.

I passed Eric a look. It was so distinct that he had been passing me a weird look. His looks were penetrating into my soul like he was trying to read why I had been behaving like this. I couldn't spend time telling him so I just looked away and plugged my ears. I was really going back home. That alone was enough scare for me.

                                   ***

The sun was the very first thing to kiss our skin. Over there, it was a routine to roll down the window and the let the air brush past my skin over there. But, I can't have that routine here if I don't want to get burnt by the scorching sun. I was back at the state where I was born. Oyo State had changed a lot. It was neater than I expected. We rode smoothly into the our street. As expected, Abigail got us a dignified area.

"Wow... It's cool I guess." Eric muttered as I chuckled at his reaction. He expected worse from Nigeria which we argued about a lot of times. He turned twice before locating the house. It was so cool with the butter painted fence. The gate was maroon with sprinkles of butter. It opened automatically as we rode into it. The flowers at the entrance were extremely nice. He parked neatly in the garage before unloading the car. David was quick to get into the house with a frown. My words really got to him.

The doors opened as I took in the environment once again. The colour was very similar to the gate's colour. The real difference was that the butter dominated the maroon inside. We got to the main parlour. The whole place was fully decorated. Abigail really did a great job. I loved the way the violet coloured sofa blended so well with the white coloured wall. The artworks she hanged on the wall were mesmerizing. I found myself feeling the painting with the tips of my fingers. The house was a duplex. The silver plates stair rims was shimmering. She did a great job.

"Oh my, you are David? The canadian? I heard a lot about you." She squealed as I passed her a look. Wow! She had changed a lot. The last time I saw her, her curves were not yet defined neither was she as pretty as this. Her long braids fitted her face perfectly. But wait? What was I doing? Eh?

"Yeah, you must have heard a lot!" David shouted breaking my line of thoughts.

"You must have heard about how immature I am, the bad egg among all. The fact that I am so clueless and less needed. Or, you heard more?" He yelled making Abigail flinch backwards.

What the...

"Of course not. I only heard..." He cut her off.

"Where is my room? Just tell me." He sounded impatient as she described it to him before he stormed out.

How could he...?

"I would set the table." She muttered before practically running away. 

"You see that. That what you caused. Now, two innocent souls got hurt., eh?" Eric muttered with a glare before walking away. I dropped my luggage in my room before changing to something simpler.

I went straight to the kitchen to meet Abigail. She was blinding staring at the cooker. She didn't want the tears to fall. "You still haven't changed." I murmured hugging her from behind. She froze.

"Chill, it's just me." I added with a smirk. She was the only who got to see this warm side of me. I remained a cold blooded animal to everyone. 

"I know. But, I'm grown now and you can't go about hugging me." She retorted as I turned her around staring at her face.

"I know you are hurt. He crushed whatsover excitement you built up in you. You didn't even greet me you know?" I said with a sly smile as she raised her head.

"I.." 

"Shhh. You don't need to need to apologize. It's even then. But, he didn't mean to look down on you. He is such a sweet little kid that cares about everyone." I said as she laughed out.

"Why? What?"

"You said kid. He isn't that young. Why are you speaking like a father? Now I get why he is angry. Don't tell me you order him around." She narrowed her eyes as I looked away.

"Hey, he is a grown up child that has completed college. Also, your age isn't far from his you know?" She argued as I smiled.

"He doesn't know that. He thinks I am twenty seven or something." I shrugged as she laughed.

"So, are we cool? Hmmm?" I stressed as she nodded before facing the food she was cooking.

"I made jollof rice She muttered.

"Damn! I haven't had that in years. You are the best girl." I exclaimed as her eyes lit up. Did she doubt my liking it? Now, an escape route was all I needed.

"You can leave." She said giving me a pointed look as I laughed.

"You still read me, eh?" I teased as she shook her head before returning to what she was doing.

"You have grown beautiful." I whispered before walking out as she giggled to herself. I walked towards David room with a frown on my face. Eric stopped me as I was about opening his door.

"Guy, you are going there to apologize." He stated plainly as I shrugged before entering. He wasn't sleeping or frowning as I expected him to be. He was arranging his room with a bright smile. Abigail was right. I kept acting like his father.

"What? What's wrong?" He queried on seeing me.

"Hmmm..." How am I expected to start? "The thing is... I." He cut me off with a stare.

"Are you here to apologize?" He tilted his head as I nodded stiffly looking away. Apologizing wasn't my thing. 

"Does it hurt to say it in words?" He teased as I glared at him.

"Just accept it. You can see pass this facade." I muttered as he laughed.

"Fine. I forgive you." He replied as I rolled my eyes.

"You say it like I committed murder or something. Round off and come to the dining." I said walking out as he laughed. 

"Yes, Ish."