HELION MARY.

We were just a family of four trying to survive somewhere in the big country of Claudia. I am my mother's first daughter, Helion is the name and I have a younger sister who I am five years older than. Yuvonne is having a hard time settling with the fact that our dad is gone for good. I don't quite blame her because she's just fifteen years and dad had been her best friend before the sudden break up with mum. We use to be an average family because my dad worked in the fish factory at the end of the town. And, well, my mum was a non-academic staff at Make It highschool where I and Yuvonne schooled. We were a one happy contented family who could put up with three square meals every day and fish was inevitable, my mum gives us different recipes of fish foods with the leftovers dad comes home with; fish barbecue, fish and bread, fish fries and Yuvonne's best, fish sauce.

But one day, something I perceived as a normal couple misunderstanding and fight got so intense that mum was yelling and breaking things at the living room while dad was also very red with rage that night. I was so scared I didn't know what to do but I just hugged my little sister who was already crying her eyes out as I tried to get a clue of what the problem was. I managed to over hear them from the corner of the living room;

"I cannot put up with this, Mary. You just can't do shits because you feel like you can. You have two daughters now and you don't even consider that when making your decisions" Dad said almost not breathing, I could see his fists clenching.

" They are the reason I'm doing this Paul, you think bringing home fish crumbs everyday will pay their school fees and clothe them? You know your salary and mine put together is not even enough to raise these girls and this is not the life I wanted for myself, this is not the life you promised me. I had to do something, Paul and if you cannot put up with it then leave me be!"

Mum said with her hands on her hair like she was going mad. After a brief silence, my dad stood up and made the quickest and to me, the worst decision ever. He went to his room, and came out with a luggage, he looked me in the eyes, I could see the sorrow in them and he was trying to fight back his tears, he leaned in and gave me a temple kiss. That was when I broke into tears because I knew right then, I may or may not set my eyes on him again. He went over to Yuvonne who was tired of crying and he hugged her crying behind her head.

Yuvonne broke down again as she said;

" Dad, please don't leave us. I love you"

" I will come back, for you" My dad said as he left the house without looking at mum.

My mum, not wanting us to notice, cleaned her eyes with the back of her hand as she stood up to lock the door.

She took us to our room that night and left for hers.

"Is dad going to come back, Hel?"

Yuvonne asked and I went mum for a minute. Then I put myself together, turned to her as I caressed her cheek and gave her a promise I knew was uncertain; "He will come back, Yuvonne, we will have to stay strong. Now let me tuck you in so you sleep tight" She turned to the other side as I tucked her in and cuddled her till she dozed off. It was the best I could do as her older sister.

I couldn't sleep that night, I was restless, apart from these few weeks, my parents have been good. I don't know what dad was sad for and I don't know what mum was sad for either, but either way they were just selfish and proud that they didn't put us first before making any decisions. Looking over my shoulder, I found out Yuvonne was long gone in her slumber, so I climbed out of the bed and went for my mum's room. The door was open and her light was still on as I approached. Maybe she couldn't sleep either. When I came into her room, she was counting some money and smoking some weed. She abruptly stopped when she noticed she was not alone.

"It is late, Hel. You should be sleeping." She said as she continued with what she was doing.

My mum's smoking habit was one of the problems my dad had always complained and tried to stop her from. Though, she started improving but whenever she is down or in her worst moments, she seeks solace in it. Standing there, I was disgusted looking at the woman that bore me. I felt like she was the reason dad left and it seemed she doesn't care.

" Are you happy now mum? We are the latest fatherless kids in town now, all thanks to you"

I said not even looking away from her, my face said it all as I stood against the door with my hands wrapped around each other, looking towards her with utmost disgust.

Mum turned to look at me, she then looked away as she dropped her head looking at her legs. Then she said,

"I was born in the streets. I had three sisters and a brother from different fathers. My mum never cared much about us. We had to roam the streets for food. We will wear the same clothes all year. Nobody cared. It was a hell of a life. So I promised myself, I was never going to give birth to children with this status. I rather not bring them to the world than let them suffer."

She drew from her weed exhaled, sniffed and continued. I was looking and listening all this while to get her point.

"But love is a bitch you know" She laughed painfully as tears dropped from her eyes. I was softened a bit.

"Love is an emotion that weakens the mind. I met Paul and I forgot my promise. I don't know how he did it. The rule was not to fall in love, but I broke the rule. We got married and I gave birth to Yuvonne. I already had you, Helion, before I married Paul. I wanted the best for you, and for Yuvonne, but Paul was not helping and time is running out. So I went back to my former hustle. Trust me you don't want to know about it, Hel."

She gulped and poured herself whiskey. Thinking about it makes her sad. I only stood and listened, not moving.

"I want a better life for you girls. And I won't stop until it's done. Look after your sister, Hel. Lock the door on your way out."

She said as she turned, put off the light and went under her duvet. After a while of thinking what she said to me over, I became confused but I don't want to ask because I know my mum so well, she was done talking that night, so I turned and went back to my room and prayed for sleep to come. That night was a nightmare I and Yuvonne would not forget so soon.