How To Apply 'Surrounded By Idiots' Principles At Work?

I was dragged online by one of my own employees. According to her post, I was a stingy boss who refused to give out holiday gift boxes for Memorial Day weekend. What the internet did not know was that my company already had a long-standing tradition. Every holiday, and even every employee birthday, each person received a $300 gift card without fail. But once the whole internet started tearing me apart, I decided to give everyone exactly what they claimed they wanted. I issued a company-wide notice. To respect everyone’s demand for a more “thoughtful” holiday gesture, this year’s Memorial Day gift cards would be canceled and replaced with holiday gift boxes for all employees. The moment the notice went out, the entire company exploded. Employees crowded outside my office, begging me to bring the gift cards back.

At the company's annual gala, the CEO announced that this year's top sales performer would receive a two-million-dollar year-end bonus. I was the top performer. However, my manager called me into his office the very next day and explained that the company was cutting costs and improving efficiency. As a result, my bonus had to be reduced. I initially assumed everyone's bonus was being cut. Then, I found out I was the only one getting shortchanged. Even worse, they handed my position to a useless coworker who could barely do the job. I understood everything immediately. 'So this is how it is. You're tossing me aside after you got what you wanted from me.' Fine. I stopped putting in any effort from that day forward. I clocked in, did the bare minimum, and watched the company slowly fall apart. Sales began to drop month after month. Even the major clients I had already secured began withdrawing their investments. That was when the CEO finally panicked. He showed up at my front door, begging me to fix things. I kicked the door open and looked down at him. "You think a garbage company like yours deserves my help?"

The company just hired a clueless new intern. For a contract worth millions, she misplaced a decimal point and practically handed it over for one dollar. I chased after the high-speed train and drank until my stomach bled before I managed to recover the company's losses. While I was still in the hospital, she ran to my fiance, Edward Cooper, to complain. "I've always been bad at math. How was I supposed to know something like that!" Edward smiled at her dotingly, replying, "You just lack experience. Go ahead and do whatever you want. If anything goes wrong, Zoe will take the blame." I was so furious I nearly quit on the spot. To so-call "make it up to me," Jenny insisted on cleaning my office as an apology. She ended up throwing newly approved bidding proposals straight into the shredder. The company lost hundreds of millions. I was fired and sued. I ended up in prison, where I was tortured to death by inmates. As I lay there on my last breath, I heard Jenny crying once more. "If only I were smarter… maybe Zoe would still be alive?" Edward stroked her head gently, soothing her, "She was incompetent. She couldn't even keep track of her documents. You're still young. You don't need to blame yourself." I died of anger. When I opened my eyes again, I had returned to the day Jenny first joined the company.

Even though it's the New Year holidays, I'm still cooped up in the company while churning out the paperwork needed for the company's listing process. That's when my keyboard suddenly types a paragraph on its own. "Stop working already! Your boss is about to fire you, and yet you're still slaving away for his sake!" I'm stunned by the information I see. The keyboard goes on typing, "He said you only have a bachelor's degree. If not for the fact that you're a walking lucky charm, you wouldn't have gotten into this company in the first place! "Now that the company is in the process of getting listed, it's costing far too much just to keep you around! Even though you're being paid a high salary every month, you can't even provide the company with any value! "He intends to dismiss you the moment the company gets listed! Since it's the new year, new blood should be joining the company!" I've been holding my coffee mug the whole time. At that moment, I can feel my hands starting to tremble. For five years, the projects that I've manned never got into any problems. The final round of funding always came through. Even when we were choosing a new office, we came across the situation of an owner who was all-too happy to get rid of the building. I can say with great confidence that I'm 90% of the main reason how this company expanded from a tiny office to the entire building. To think that I'm the first person to be discarded right after my boss reaches his goal… I can feel my stomach twisting uneasily. Even my throat goes tight from the anxiety. Just as I'm about to leave, a few angry voices ring out in the office. "I'm an office chair! I'll break during the board meeting tomorrow and make sure that your boss falls right on his ass!" "I'm a printer! I'll make sure to print all the documents he wants with nothing but gibberish on them!" "I'm a coffee machine! Tomorrow, I'll whip him a special brew that ensures he will never get to leave the toilet bowl for the rest of the day!"

On the day my internship officially turned into a full-time job, I used the black card my dad gave me to buy a bicycle. The moment Karen Kosner—the office's self-appointed queen of frugality—found out, her face went dark. "Two hundred thousand on a crappy bike? You're not afraid karma's gonna strike you dead for throwing money away like that?" The veins in her forehead bulged, her expression twisted with rage. "What's the point of this useless thing? You can't eat it. A bus pass would've made way more sense. My brother's out there busting his hump for every hard-earned dollar, and you're spending like water. Keep this up, you'll make him jump off a roof." My face dropped. I rubbed the sore spot on my forehead where she'd jabbed me. "Are you out of your mind? I'm spending my own family's money. What the hell does that have to do with your brother or your family?" Karen kept muttering under her breath, but I wasn't about to stand there listening to her crap. I turned and went to get some water. When I came back, the black card in my bag was gone. She leaned toward me, still playing the part of the vicious future sister-in-law. "Who knows which random guy gave you that card. Trashy. I threw it away, so get real and live right with my brother. "From now on, every penny you spend has to go through me. You buy something only if I say yes. I need to break you of this reckless spending habit." My temples throbbed with anger. Fine. So she thought she was some kind of financial genius, did she? We'd settle this nice and slow—once she lost her job and got blacklisted by the entire industry.

My boss, Grant Conner, tells me that since the company has doubled its sales performance this year, he'll make sure to reward me nicely. I'm filled with anticipation, thinking that perhaps it's time he's giving me a raise. When everyone's having dinner at the year-end party, they are all discussing how much they'll get for the year-end bonus. "Allow me to toast to you, Shania!" Clare Randall, an intern who has joined the company for a month, shakily stands up to her feet while holding a full glass of red wine. Her cheeks were flushed. She was clearly drunk. "I feel so lucky, Shania! I'm just a fresh grad who doesn't know anything at all, and yet my boss has given me a six-thousand-dollar base salary! On top of that, I even get to learn from a wonderful mentor like you…" My hand trembles violently at Clare's words, almost resulting in me spilling juice all over the table. I've been working at this company for five years, and yet I've never received a raise before. But Clare's salary is twice my salary even though she's just joined!