How To Deal With Feelings For My Bully?

2026-05-05 21:07:04
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4 Answers

Victoria
Victoria
Spoiler Watcher Pharmacist
Been there, and it sucks. What helped me was separating the person from the fantasy. I’d built up this image of my bully’s 'potential'—maybe they’d change, maybe I could 'fix' them. Spoiler: nope. A friend staged an intervention with '10 Things I Hate About You' and blunt truths: 'You like the drama, not them.' Ouch, but true. I channeled the angst into creative writing—turned my cringe-y feelings into a villain arc for a short story. Symbolic exorcism, highly recommend.
2026-05-07 12:27:29
11
Walker
Walker
Plot Detective Sales
Let’s get raw: feelings for a bully often stem from power imbalances, not genuine affection. I learned this after crushing on a coworker who’d 'playfully' undermine my ideas in meetings. My therapist called it 'Stockholm syndrome lite'—your brain latches onto kindness crumbs to survive the hostility. For me, breaking the cycle meant radical honesty. I listed every cruel thing they’d done (yes, including that 'joke' about my stutter) and read it aloud whenever nostalgia hit.

Also, exposure therapy helped. I immersed myself in media with healthy relationships—'Our Flag Means Death' rewired my idea of love being earned through suffering. Slowly, the 'spark' faded into pity. Last I heard, they got demoted for bullying others. Karma’s not therapy, but damn, it’s satisfying.
2026-05-09 05:08:29
20
Katie
Katie
Insight Sharer Mechanic
Ugh, this hits close to home. My bully was my soccer teammate—charismatic, brutal, and weirdly protective of me when others stepped in. The mix of resentment and attraction left me dizzy for months. Here’s what didn’t work: romanticizing the tension (no, their backhanded compliments weren’t flirting) or retaliating (my snarky comeback phase just bred more drama). What did help was naming the dynamic. I literally googled 'trauma bond' at 2 AM and had this gut-punch moment: my adrenaline around them wasn’t chemistry; it was my body screaming 'danger.'

I started redirecting that energy. Whenever I felt the pull, I’d text a friend to vent or watch compilations of 'Steven Universe' (gem rebellion > emotional confusion). Small steps, but they diluted their hold. Funny thing? After graduation, they apologized unprompted. I said thanks but kept my distance—some fires don’t need tending.
2026-05-09 07:27:20
11
Kian
Kian
Insight Sharer Translator
Dealing with feelings for someone who's hurt you is like untangling a knot—messy, frustrating, but not impossible. I went through something similar in high school, where I developed confusing emotions for a classmate who constantly teased me. What helped was journaling—writing down every angry, sad, or even affectionate thought without filter. Over time, patterns emerged: I realized my feelings were less about them and more about craving validation from someone who made me feel small.

Talking to a therapist unraveled it further. They pointed out how childhood dynamics (my distant dad) made me equate attention—even negative—with care. It’s wild how our brains twist pain into 'connection.' Now, when those feelings resurface, I ask: 'Is this warmth, or just the relief of their absence?' Distance and new hobbies (I took up pottery!) rewired my focus. The clay doesn’t judge, and neither do good friends.
2026-05-09 12:39:51
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