How Can My Diary Improve My Mental Health?

I was holding my wife as we slept when her phone suddenly gave a special alert tone. “Rachel, my whole body hurts. Please help me…” The message was from Daniel. He sounded entitled, and he even attached a photo of his abs. My wife pushed me away at once. “Wait for me. I will head over right away.” I could not hold back my anger. “Where are you going? It’s the middle of the night, and you are going to see him? He’s your brother-in-law. Can’t you keep a bit of distance? “Your sister has been dead for half a year. Do you have to take care of him like this forever?” Rachel suddenly raised her hand and slapped me. “Sam, he has post-traumatic stress disorder. You already know that. I am his psychologist, so what is wrong with helping him? Why are your thoughts so filthy? “Forget it. I can’t talk sense into someone like you. Stay home and reflect on yourself.” After saying that, she did not look at me again. We had been married for five years. Every time we argued, she would walk away and give me the cold shoulder. She knew how much I loved her, so she hurt me without restraint. She was certain that I would ultimately give in and try to make peace. However, this time, I did not try to salvage the situation anymore. My heart was dead. I did not want her anymore.

Introduction：Xienne Collins, a typical college student, is beautiful and smart. Known for being kind but being abused by her classmates whom she considered friends. Her character was trampled on. Not a day goes by that she is not begrudged and bullied by them. She endured it for too long and told herself she would not retaliate or will take vengeance. But the day came when she was filled with what her classmates were doing. She wanted to kill them all and planned carefully how she could accomplish this. She killed her classmates one by one. She writes in her diary what she did to her classmates for satisfaction about what she had done to them. Little did she know someone is watching her.

Being a mute used to be simple before all the craziness started. I just can't talk and that's who I am. Mum has learned to accept that and I guess so have I. Everything was just fine in my high school in Shanghai. I had finally made it to year twelve and even though I was in China, I was actually being treated as a human being despite my disability. Things were definitely not perfect but I would give anything to go back to that, like it was before. I heard my first voice that year, right at the beginning of year 12. I didn’t really have any real friends, but I was used to it and before the voices started, I was fine with that. But it all changed when I first heard them. The voices inside their heads started then and my life was never the same. They weren't just thinking about school or they girls or guys they were into, no they were thinking about doing things, doing horrible things to each other and I was the only one that knew how messed up they really were.

How quickly everything ended by just a single day, I was just like any other girl in the world- laughing and hanging out with friends, taking endless selfies, having crushes on bad boys and nerds included. I never thought or cared about how I look. It was just mine. Normal and Easy. But everything changed in one single moment- a moment filled with fire, screaming metal, and a blur of terror that rewrote my life. I survived. Everybody says I'm lucky but this, this doesn't feel like survival it feels like a punishment, a curse. A curse that am willing to carry all my life. The accident left me with permanent facial disfigurement, and ever since, I've been stuck behind a mask I never asked to wear. My face is the first thing anyone sees, and sometimes, it feels like the only thing they see. I avoid mirrors now. I no longer go out; I can't risk being stared at. Friends faded. Invitations stopped. Of course they would stop, who would want to invite the hideous me. I would scare everyone, worse, ruin their appetite. They would move away from their tables. What did I expect? Life moved on for everyone but me. My mom is the only person in my life right now, shes' become my anchor. Even with her love, it's still hard to silence the voices in my head, the ones saying I'm hideous, broken, unworthy. I miss my old smile. I still haven't done anything in life. And this isn't about my appearance it's about my self- esteem, my confidence, my ability to feel like I belong anywhere. This is a constant battle with the mirror, with the world, and with yourself. And most days, I'm trying to find the strength to look up to.

In the madness of life, we find the madness of life in ourselves. We are a reflection of the madness of life. We are the embodiment of a crazy life.

Clara Blake. That's me. The normal girl everyone barely noticed until my step dad Carl decided that I needed to be his personal punching bag. Everyone knew yet they never decided to do anything about it or help me out of my misery and get me away from this horrid man. Mum never knew or she pretended not to see anything. I mean she was in love with Carl and after dad I probably couldn't blame her. You see dad went away to serve his country and not long after we received a death letter ,as they call it, telling us that he had been lost to war. It wasn't long after the letter about dad had come before Carl had moved into mum's life and they got married. We were a normal happy family up until I had turned six. I remember it like it was yesterday. He came into my room after mum went to bed and he just started hitting me. Never where it would be too obvious seen. When we received the letter from dad that he was coming home after all I was ecstatic. He was going to come and save me from this hell hole that I was in. Unfortunately Carl also saw the letter and that night he had decided that he would end me as it would be my fault for everything as I sent the letter to make my mother sad and cry. My best friend telling me he loves me and dad coming back made my head spin. Joining the FBI as an agent was fun and all until being kidnapped and rescued by a very handsome prince charming. Follow along and join me on my story of my chaotic and drama filled life both in love and work.