
Kidnappers, Please Bill My Girlfriend SeparatelyMy girlfriend, Selena Jenkins, and I are committed to a strict 50-50 relationship. We are three years into our relationship, and we split everything down to a single bottle of water.
Then, out of nowhere, I get a call from a kidnapper. "We have your girlfriend. Have 150 thousand dollars ready, or she dies!"
I calmly launch our app, SplitMate. According to the algorithm, this unexpected incident falls under "shared risk", meaning she is responsible for 50% of the cost. However, after factoring in the personal insurance policy I took out on her behalf, she only needs to pay 35,550 dollars.
I send the calculation results to the kidnapper. "This is her share. Please contact her family for the payment. I'm only responsible for my own portion."
The line goes silent. A few minutes later, I receive a livestream link.
The livestream shows Selena tied to a chair, smiling at her phone. The live chat in front of her is blowing up. "Holy shit! This guy's a monster. This is the craziest livestream I've seen all year!"
Later on, she follows the 50-50 rule to a T, but I'm no longer on board with it.