In The Form Of A Question

I was nineteen the first time Cole Whitfield broke me. Not with cruelty. With a single word. Why. Not did you — why. Like the answer was already settled and he just wanted the story to make sense. I told him the truth anyway. He said nothing that mattered. So I picked up my bag, walked out of his apartment, and decided that a man who trusted a rumor over two years of me wasn’t worth a correction. I spent the next two years becoming someone I actually liked. New city. Graduate program. A published paper with my name on it. I was done with Cole Whitfield in every way a person can be done. Then I walked into Seminar Room 114 and he was sitting right there, gray eyes already on the door, like some part of him knew. I sat down. I opened my notebook. I did not look up. Here’s the thing about studying how people form beliefs: you understand exactly why he believed it. That doesn’t mean you forgive it. That doesn’t mean two years of silence disappear because he’s learned how to look at you like he’s sorry. He wants a conversation. I want my degree. But the campus is small, the seminar table is round, and the boy who broke my heart at nineteen is doing everything right at twenty-one — and I’m starting to understand that composed isn’t the same thing as healed. I hate that I still know the exact sound of his voice.

Have you ever been confused by what you've been feeling? Precisely, a sense of hatred and strangely tucked away a concern?

I have always had an almost pathological sense of paranoia. Ever since I was a child, I was convinced that the people around me were out to get me. Back in elementary school, when everyone was lining up for their student ID photos, I flatly refused to have mine taken. I insisted that the district office was going to use my picture for identity theft. The situation escalated so badly that the principal had to personally sit me down and spend half an hour trying to convince me otherwise. Then, there was the fingerprint registration system in middle school. The school required every student to submit their fingerprints to access the campus buildings. I was so terrified that someone would steal my biometric data that I literally rubbed the skin off all ten fingertips to make them unreadable. Even when my fingers were bleeding, I kept shouting that they were trying to steal my identity. I would rather climb over the school fence every day than cooperate. Every relative I had called me crazy. My parents were so fed up that they seriously considered having me admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I did not care. I guarded my privacy with obsessive determination, gritting my teeth and holding my ground all the way up to the eve of the final exams. Then came the day before the exam. That afternoon, our homeroom teacher, Tracy Collins, walked into the classroom carrying a metal lockbox. A warm, motherly smile spread across her face as she set it down on the desk. "Everyone," she said, "to make sure nobody forgets their documents tomorrow, I'd like you to hand over your IDs and exam admission slips for safekeeping tonight." She patted the lockbox reassuringly. "Tomorrow morning, I'll personally return them to each of you outside the testing center. This way, there's absolutely nothing that can go wrong." The class was deeply moved by her thoughtfulness. Some students even looked close to tears as they eagerly pulled out their documents and lined up to hand them over. Everyone except me. My hand clamped down over my pocket so tightly that my knuckles turned white. Cold sweat poured down my back. A sharp alarm bell was ringing in my head. Trying not to attract attention, I fished out a spare flip phone from my bag, ducked beneath my desk, and dialed emergency services. As soon as the call connected, I lowered my voice and spoke into the receiver. "Hello. I'd like to report a crime. My name is Charles. "I believe a teacher at St. Alden High is working with an identity-fraud ring and is planning a large-scale operation tonight involving examination fraud and identity theft."

Would you love something that is broken or admire something that had fell into pieces? Would you hold it close to your heart and accept it, even if it means you'll get cuts? She was broken yet bravely collected herself together. She started a new life and decided to forget everything in the past by creating a fabricated image of herself. Would you dare look beyond the facade she made to get to know her more?" But getting closer means hurting her; digging for more from her past would destroy her. Would you gamble all the chance of helping her fix everything up, even though you’d break her more and make her feel worse? Or would you only admire her from afar and maintain your distance, to keep everything in place that she had built. Would you fight for her even if it means fighting against her?

This story is not a story at all ; it is rather a journal that documents events which shapes this author's life. Walk the journey with me ; is it what you going through to? If so , hopefully this journal will help you feel as if you are not alone in this world. This book will contain good times , as well as bad times. The events that occurs are not made up in my imagination ; these events were lived out and documented as soon as possible. Let us conquer these problems together!

How do you define love? A matter that speaks in general. A love to yourself, a love of a friend, a love of a family and a love of a lover all that includes trust, understanding and acceptance. But what if the love that you wanted the most, an understanding and acceptance that you need most can’t be given to you by your family. What will be your resolve, especially when it’s all about your own happiness? The love of a lover that you cherished feels like it's fading away because of other people that makes your relationship into ruins. How will you fight for your love if the one that you love is already giving up and turning their backs on you because of some misunderstanding. Without knowing the whole truth they judge you and hate you. Are you still willing to hold on or just give up and just love a person that is waiting for you to love them?