How Does 'This Hoe Got Roaches In Her Crib' End?

My roommate bought an antique bronze censer online. She burned incense day and night, praying to be with a wealthy boyfriend. I thought it was silly, until her face began to look like mine. Soon, she became the admired heiress, while I was left drowning in debts she had deliberately racked up. I begged her for my identity back, and she pretended to agree. However, she tricked me into giving her my bank account password and pushed me off a rooftop. I learned at that moment that the censer was a cursed relic that grants wishes by draining the life and luck of another. She could take everything from me once my life was ruined, but death was not the end for me. I woke up on the day she first got the cursed censer. The truth was every wish comes with a price, and I was going to make sure she pays.

The day before I am supposed to move into a nursing home, my daughter-in-law, Emily Freeman, cancels the deposit I have already paid without my permission. "It's not easy for Ryan to earn money. Instead of helping us save money, you want to stay somewhere so expensive," Emily complains. I frown and explain that I paid with my own money. Her expression darkens as she rants, "Isn't your money our money? Besides, how much money can you possibly have? Didn't you get all of it from Ryan anyway? "You don't help take care of the kids or do any housework. Now, you're just bleeding us dry so that you can enjoy yourself!" My son, Ryan Pratt, sides with her and criticizes me as well. "Mom, this is such a waste of money. If you ask me, you might as well go to a senior community and get a bed there for ten dollars. Someone will still take care of you." I am so furious that I faint on the spot and am rushed to the hospital. With the refunded money, Ryan takes Emily and goes on vacation abroad with his in-laws. After being discharged, the first thing I do is put the apartment I once gave my son as a wedding gift up for sale with a real estate agent.

When dorm picks opened, two beds were left. My hometown girl, Chloe Parker, beat me by a step and grabbed Room 501—the honors suite. That left me with Room 502, the rich-girl suite. In 501, the try-hards rode her nonstop. She made grad school. In 502, I ran errands and pulled five grand a month. At graduation, she snapped and shoved me off the roof. "It's all your fault. Without you, I wouldn't wake up every day buried in studying. How'd you stack hundreds of thousands in four years while all I got was a useless grad school offer?" I opened my eyes. Dorm selection day. Behind me, Chloe shoved past and lunged forward. "I'm picking first. I want 502."

As a dive engineer, I need to go down into the shaft to retrieve a drill bit in order to speed up construction on the 800-million-dollar construction project before Independence Day. Little do I know that I've barely made my way down the shaft when I realize I don't have enough oxygen to last the journey. Amid my panic, I completely lose my sense of direction. So, I dig out my wireless radio in an attempt to communicate with my fiancee, Viola Jenkins. But all I hear is her laughter over the radio. "Aren't you all high and mighty, Elden? I'd like to see how long you can last underwater without oxygen!" Her first love, Ron Carey, adds, "Just sit back and watch the show, Viola! He'll definitely beg you to open the manhole cover for him when the time comes!" That's when I realize Viola and Ron have allied together to kill me. Not only have they closed the manhole cover, but they've also cut off my life-saving oxygen supply. After ensuring that the manhole cover cannot be moved at all, I begin crying for help weakly into the radio. "Hurry… Open the cover for me… I'm running out of oxygen…" Viola's contemptuous voice drifts from the radio. "It's only been five minutes. Why are you playing the pity card already? This is Ron's first time in a construction site, so he's inhaling some oxygen from the canister because he's already lacking in oxygen. You can wait for a while. "If you have the time to moan about the lack of oxygen, you might as well use it to retrieve the drill bit. Stop dilly-dallying around, Elden! You seriously think I'll keep you around if you don't pull your weight around here?" With gnashed teeth, I cover 65 feet downward in the shaft. With the last bit of oxygen in my lungs, I place my hands on the drill bit that's stuck in the deepest part of the shaft that can determine whether or not the 800-million-dollar construction project will be a hit or miss. I'd like to see if Viola and Ron will be able to reap the benefits from this project just by killing me off in the shaft!

I paid for our future home in full, but my boyfriend, Felix Carter, insisted I gave the master bedroom to his so-called "sister", who wasn't even related to him. "Zoe has never had it easy. She can have the south-facing master bedroom," he said. "You're an only child and lived a pampered life. What's wrong with you giving up a little?" His mother, Bertha Walker, jumped in too and said I was unreasonable and not good enough to be part of their family. I looked at the apartment they had already turned into a mess. I call a moving company and a locksmith right away. "Fine, if I have to give up a little, then I'm done with this marriage!" I said. I listed the unit for sale and froze Felix's supplementary credit card. "Take your precious so-called sister and get out. You can sleep on the streets!"

When I asked Avery to settle the bill for tearing down her walls, she jammed her car keys and a bank card into my hands instead. “There’s thirty million in this account. No password required.” While I was racking my brain trying to figure out how to give her change, I looked up and saw her clutching her pregnant belly, running straight for the balcony where I had just knocked down the guardrail. I dropped my sledgehammer, dove forward, and grabbed her by the ankle. “Don’t jump! If you jump, I become the prime suspect! I have an elderly mother and young kids to feed—you can’t ruin my life like this!” She kicked frantically, screaming in absolute despair. “My dad was practically sent to the ICU because of my ex! He even drugged me to try to force a miscarriage just so his mistress could move in! “He said someone like me deserves to be conned. I have nothing left now. I’m better off dead!” Ah, so she was just a poor soul systematically broken by a toxic scumbag. I slammed my sledgehammer onto the floor. “Why destroy yourself when you can destroy them instead? “Ever heard of the Scumbag Demolition Project? Not only will I get your house back, but I’ll also send him straight to federal prison to spend the rest of his life behind bars.”