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The day before the start of a new semester, Gianna Sutton, my online girlfriend, tells me she lost me to her best friend in a dice game. I haven't even figured out what's going on when she suddenly adds me to the group chat with more than a hundred people. I notice the newly made announcement pinned to the top. "Congratulations to Natalia, our campus belle, for winning herself a 220-pound boyfriend!" Just then, someone posts a photo of me from high school. I am wearing an oversized uniform in the photo, my stomach pushing against the desk before me. I am so overweight that my eyes are barely visible. Those in the group chat immediately go wild. "That thing can't be human! It's clearly a

It included a picture of a multi-million dollar luxury car, and the caption, “I love my job, but I love my boss even more!” He obviously could not afford that car on his salary. I smiled exasperatedly. It was obvious that Nia bought it for him. The moment I liked the story, though, he blocked it. The next second, Nia called to yell at me. “Jonah just signed a huge contract, so I gave him a little reward. Did you have to scold him on Instagram over something like that? Don’t push your limits just because I’m kind to you!” I heard Jonah blaming himself and my wife Nia comforting him on the other side of the phone. Before I could say anything else, she hung up on me and blocked my number.