Tagalog Fish Jokes

In the seventh year of our marriage, I caught Nolan Garrison kissing his secretary at a bar. He called me shortly after I walked away. "It was just a friendly kiss! What’s with the attitude?" he snapped through the phone. I could hear his friends in the background teasing him and saying that I would be madly jealous while pleading for him not to leave me tonight as usual. Before hanging up, Nolan warned me that he wouldn’t come home if I didn’t apologize. However, I wasn’t bothered by his threat. I didn’t care if he decided to come home or get a divorce. Three minutes later, I posted an update on my social media: “Prioritize self-love and grant others the freedom they seek.”

During a road trip with my girlfriend, we accidentally collided with a limousine. Just as we were joking about having to pay an outrageous sum in compensation, the owner stepped out of the car. He greeted us warmly, asked if we were hurt, and even insisted we didn't need to pay a dime. But that simple gesture sparked a huge misunderstanding in my girlfriend's mind. At the proposal ceremony, she flat-out rejected me, ran to the restroom, and called her best friend to vent. "They're both Vanders, but Josh is a penniless loser, and Alexander is the richest man in the city! "The fortune teller said my true love's surname is Vander. If that's the case, why can't it be the richest man instead of Josh? "I looked it up. That car owner is Alexander. And he didn't even want me to pay for rear-ending him. He must have fallen in love with me at first sight! "In love, there's no such thing as first come, first served. I won't accept Josh's proposal. I'm going to marry the richest man!" A shiver ran through me. My years of devotion to her had moved only me. What she didn't know was that the 'richest man' she was dreaming of marrying wasn't anyone else—he was my father.

It's my fiancé's grandmother's birthday banquet. My father's adoptive daughter suddenly snatches the gift I've prepared and says loudly, "My adoptive sister is so rude. "She tried to take the gift I prepared for Mrs. Scott Senior and play it off as her own. I'll have my father teach her a lesson when we get home later." The guests start to whisper among themselves and criticize me. In the past, I would've fled. I would never have dared to retaliate. Unfortunately for her, I've been reborn. I swipe the gift from her and throw it onto the floor. "When has my family turned into something for you to brag about? You mentioned having your father teach me a lesson, right? He's just been released from jail after being there for a decade due to theft. Are you going to bring him here?"

While I was nine months pregnant, the apple of my husband’s eye moved into our house. Whenever she saw me, she would make a sad face. My husband was sure that I was flaunting my pregnancy to make her angry. “Rachel is frail, and she can’t get pregnant, yet you’re walking around making her upset?! Do I seriously have to teach you a lesson?!” He ordered the bodyguards to lock me in the attic that had not been in use for a long time and told them not to give me food. I pleaded for mercy and told him that the ultrasound scan showed that the twin babies were too big. I told him that the doctor had claimed that I had to be hospitalized while I waited for my delivery. But he laughed as if he had heard the world’s greatest joke. When he spoke, his voice was as cold as ice. “You’re still three days away from your delivery date! Enough with the pitiful act! Repent while you’re in the attic! This is what you get for making Rachel upset!” The contractions hurt so much that I clenched my fists to the point that my nails broke, but no one unlocked the door to the attic. My piercing screams echoed in the attic for a long time until my whole body was soaked in blood, and one of my babies was stuck between my bloody legs. Three days later, my husband ate his breakfast that was not up to his taste and said, “Have Jane make breakfast for me, then have her apologize to Rachel with a gift. If she’s sincere enough, I’ll send her to the hospital to deliver the babies.” But no one dared go up to the attic because the blood that flowed down from it had already reached the second step of the stairs.

After my beloved boyfriend dies in a fire, my sister marries a rich man. So, I marry her husband, Jason Grant's father. We go from being sisters to being mother and daughter-in-law. We're still a family, aren't we? Later, Jason pins me to a corner while breathing heavily. "Money is all you want, right? I can give you everything he can. Wouldn't it be much better for you to be with me than with a paralyzed old man?" Oh, he's got this all wrong. Money isn't what I want. His life is what I want.

I'm staring at this man who looks exactly like my husband, overwhelmed by fear, as I received a message that read, "He's not your husband!"What's even more bizarre is that the name displayed as the sender of the text on my phone is "My Dear Husband"!Who on earth should I believe?

After Calvin’s older brother passed away, he devoted himself to taking care of his brother’s wife and daughter. He justified it by saying that ‘family should look out for each other.’ To others, the three of them looked just like a close, happy family. When my mother was on her deathbed, he was busy comforting his sister-in-law, who had been brought to tears by her own son. I knelt on the floor, crying and begging him, “My mom is dying. Please, just visit her one last time, I am begging you!” However, Calvin’s voice was ice-cold as he snapped back, “Tell your mom to die later! I am busy!” I waited for two whole hours, and in the end, my mother never got to see her son-in-law one last time. Broken and exhausted, I finally asked for a divorce. “Why don’t the three of you just stay together and enjoy your happy little family.”

The day before the piano competition finals, my boyfriend deliberately locked me on the rooftop to help his childhood friend win. He stared at me intently, his voice low and steady. "You'll have plenty more chances. Can't you just let her have this one?" Later, to secure her spot in the orchestra, he went so far as to break my fingers with his own hands. I confronted him in anger, demanding to know why he would do this when we were supposed to be in a relationship. He looked at me solemnly and said, "Susan, Miranda's mother saved me all those years ago, and now I have to fulfill this wish for her." What he didn't understand was that for me, losing the use of my hands felt like losing my very life. After I made the decision to stop loving him, he shattered his own hand, hoping to get my forgiveness.

My mother was the most renowned forensic artist, yet she refused to acknowledge me as her daughter. On my eighteenth birthday, I was kidnapped and called her for help. However, my mother replied impatiently, "Today is Angelina's birthday. Just die if you want attention that badly." Later, all the bones in my body were shattered and scattered everywhere. When my mother reconstructed my face from the bones, she lost her mind.

A car accident left my mother-in-law bleeding and desperate for help, but her plea was heartlessly rejected by her own daughter. Even on her deathbed, my mother-in-law's only wish was to see her one last time. However, she was busy staying by her first love's side, euthanizing his dog. "You better stay as far away from me as possible! My mom's perfectly fine!" she shouted before hanging up on me, only to spend the night tangled with her first love in a hotel room. It was not until after the cremation ceremony that she returned—carrying a birthday cake. What greeted her was not a celebration but her mother's funeral. She cried, sobbing uncontrollably, "Mom! You haven't even celebrated my birthday yet! Don't leave me!" I stared at her and pulled the divorce papers from my bag. How fitting. This time, I was leaving too.