8–Warm hands

It rained that night. Gamu told me it was the first time that it was raining in Toko for 3 months. She said that that meant that their God was very pleased with them, that's why he brought rain again. She told me that since it rained after so long, tomorrow there would be a celebration in the village.

Kids played outside in the rain until late that night. I could hear their screams of excitement muffled under the pouring of the rain on the straws of our hut. After that they were still... I assumed they all went back to their huts. Now only the sound of the pouring of the rain reined.

I cried the whole night. I didn't feel the excitement of the rain. I didn't want to celebrate tomorrow. I just wanted answers. Why? Why? And why? Why Yoké said those things to me. Did he really mean them? Me and him had been speaking nicely ever since he came to interpret for me the first time. So what went wrong?

Yoké couldn't just kick me out like that. He meant so much to me. He meant so much to me but it seems I was just a mistake for him, a sin. Then again, I couldn't just stay out of his life all of a sudden like he wanted me to. I wouldn't feel the same without him.

But if he meant everything he said then I needed to talk to him again. I needed to talk to him just once, for the last time at least. I couldn't wait until the next day. I needed to see him now.

I got up from my bed and tip toed past the chief and Furah's chamber. I sneaked out and went to Gamu's chamber. I found her fast asleep and snoring loud.

"Gamu. Gamu." I whispered her name and shook her.

"What?" she moaned in her sleep.

"Gamu..."

"Hm?" She opened one eye and squinted the other.

"Gamu, wake up."

"What is it?" She sounded annoyed. "I know you don't sleep but let me sleep."

"Gamu I need to go see Yoké now."

"Huh? Are you crazy? It's night."

"I know. But I have to see him now. I can't wait until tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't sleep. It hurts." I started to cry again.

"Are you crying?"

She sat up and frowned at me.

"Rena you can't just get up in the middle of the night and decide you want to see Yoké, plus it's raining. What if someone sees you? It's quiet this time, and anytime someone hears something outside they will come out and check it out."

"I don't have a choice. I know he didn't mean all that he said. He used to touch my hair too, he held my hand first, he is the one that hugged me back-"

"Shh Rena, please. What if the chief hears. Rena please go back inside. We can get in big trouble."

"Gamu you are not understanding me. I can't go back inside."

"Why not?"

"Gamu my chest hurts, I've never felt like this before. It's all because of Yoké."

"But not now. Wait until tomorrow. I promise you, you will see him tomorrow."

"What if he doesn't come to the well the same time as us tomorrow?"

"He will Rena."

"You don't know that."

"Rena I will make a plan for you. I promise. If we go now we might get into trouble. Someone might catch us."

Gamu was not going to budge. No matter what, she was not going to come with me.

I nodded. "Okay, tomorrow."

I got up and turned to leave.

"Rena." Gamu called softly. I didn't turn back. I left her chamber and snuck behind the other huts across to the forest.

I've never walked in the forest alone, let alone at night. All the sounds I seemed to enjoy during the day with Gamu all scared me now, especially that the rain was loud. I was frightened with every crunching of the leaves or sticks under my feet. Every squeaking sent shivers down my spine.

When I heard the laughs of hyenas I ran with all my might. I ran all the way through the forest, up the mountains and finally reached Yoké's hut.

It was my first time here. I always saw it from a distance. But now it was right in front of me.

I started approaching his curtain but then stopped in my tracks.

What was I doing? What if someone caught me here? I would not only cause death for myself but also for Yoké. And he didn't even do anything wrong, I'm the one coming all the way to him now. What if he meant all that he told me at the well and goes to report me to the elders for coming to his hut? For "pursuing" him?

I turned back and started walking back.

No way, this was the best chance I had, I turned back around and came face to face with the entrance to his hut.

I took a deep breath and clapped three times. No response. I clapped three times again.

"Who seeks me at this time of night?" I heard Yoké's voice.

I couldn't speak. My heart was pounding in my chest. What if he took me to the elders?

"I asked, who seeks me at this time of night?"

I summed up the little courage I had left. "I..."

Silence.

"Yoké-"

"What are you doing here?"

"I want to speak to you."

"Don't you know you are not allowed to be here? And do you know how late it is?"

"I know but I have to talk to you. I need to see you just once."

"I don't want to talk to you. I told you to never speak to me again. Go from here before anyone finds you here."

"I won't leave from here before I speak to you."

"Fine. Speak and be on your way."

I was drained, I started to shiver and my teeth started to rattle.

"I want to see you."

"You won't, so just speak and go."

"Yoké come out."

Silence.

"If you don't come out I will come in."

"Don't even try it."

"Then come out."

"Lady, please just go away. I can hear that you are shivering. And it's raining..."

"I will count to three, Yoké, if you don't come out I will come in. I swear to the Gods."

"You won't come in. The same Gods don't allow you to."

"1..."

"Go away, please-"

"2..." I reached out and touched the edge of the curtain.

"I'm serious. Don't even try. I will tell the elders about this if you do."

"3." I pulled the curtain to the side quickly and before I could step forward, Yoké suddenly grabbed me with him outside.

There was no distance between us now. His arms were around me and our faces were inches apart. I was looking up at him but he was not looking at me.

He didn't say anything. We just stayed that way. After a while he found my eyes and stayed there.

My heart beat even faster than before. He then took his hand and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Lady..." He said softly.

I couldn't speak, my face has never been so close to a man before...

He leaned closer until our noses touched, and then he swerved the side of his nose against mine and then back again.

Then, he let the tips of our noses touch and placed both his palms on each side of my neck. His hands were warm.

"I called you." He said softly.

"Y... Yes?"

"How could you come all the way here, and in such hard rain?"

I couldn't say anything, I placed my cold hand on top of his on my neck.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Would you be able to now?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm even more confused now. Your body does not speak the same language as your mouth."

"You were about to commit a grave sin... Why didn't you just leave me alone like I asked?" He was still speaking gently.

"I told you I couldn't sleep. My chest was paining. I couldn't stop crying. You were on my mind the whole night."

"I couldn't sleep too. I was also thinking about you. And when you clapped the first time, I knew it was you. The delicacy of the sound that your soft palms make together I have never heard in this whole village."

I didn't say anything. I was wondering why Yoké was always changing moods like this.

"Your heart was paining, not your chest. One's heart only pains when it breaks, and one's heart only breaks when they're in love. Do you love me, lady?"

This question he was asking me I didn't know how to answer.

"What is love?"

He closed his eyes and smiled and when he opened them again he hugged me. Tightly. He buried his head in my neck. Of cause I hugged him back, even tighter. I felt warm in his arms under that rain. I felt safe. I felt peaceful, at that moment my worries disappeared. My questions felt answered. My heart felt fixed and whole. And I smelt his familiar scent again: the scent I could never describe.

I wished I could stay in his arms forever because at that time, in his arms, the chief, the other villagers, the elders, the rules and principals didn't matter. Even death didn't matter as long as I stayed in his arms.

He loosened his hug and loosened my grip slowly. He held both my hands in his.

"Love is a powerful feeling for a particular person. When that person is far from you, you long for them and think about them all the time. And when you finally see them, you feel at ease. And when they come near you, you feel... just different. You feel at peace... like there are no worries in the world. You feel like they are the center of your universe and everything revolves around them, without them you'd feel incomplete. That is love.

"When I hugged you, did you feel these feelings? When ever I'm not around, do you ever long for me? When I'm near you, do you ever feel like all your worries just disappear?"

"You have no idea."

"Then tell me, do you love me?"

"Yes, Yoké." It felt so good just confirming it. "If that is love, then I love you. So much."

He left my hands, turned around and went to stand at the edge of the mountain.

I stayed where I was.

"What about you? Do you love me?" I asked him.

"Come here."

I came to stand next to him and he put his arm around my shoulder.

"I've been fighting this feeling for a while, but I have to be true to myself now." He turned toward me and touched my cheek. "I do. I love you, lady."

"Then why did you say all those horrible things to me at the well?"

"Because I love you. When you love something, you protect them with everything you have."

"You told me I'm a sin, how is that love? Plus, what would you protect me for?"

"Let's get out of the rain, you are shivering so much. Don't you get rain in your country?"

He took my hand and lead me to the side of his hut where straws from his roof sheltered. There was a small bench there and we sat shoulder to shoulder.

"I was hoping I could keep this on longer. But I couldn't. I probably would have kept it on longer if you never came here today. Did Gamu bring you?"

"She didn't want to. I came here alone."

"And the chief?"

"Asleep."

He looked at me amazed. "You are so bold."

"You still didn't answer my question."

"Abu came to see me that night of the performance. I was with Uma that time, and we were sitting at the fire outside my hut. He came and we gave him a place to join us but he wouldn't sit. He told us that he saw us with you and Gamu at the river. He told Uma that he didn't care about him and Gamu, they could do whatever they wished. He said that his only problem was with me. He told me that he had been keeping a close eye on you ever since your arrival and had grown very fond of you. He told me that he already marked you his and is planning to marry you one day-"

"What? I saw him and spoke to him for the first time a day ago and you are telling me he is planning to marry me?"

"His been watching you ever since."

"Well, I won't agree to marry him."

"The decision is for the man, a woman has no say."

"I have a say if I'm supposed to spend my whole life with someone."

"I'm telling you what they will tell you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Anyway, he told me to stay away from you or else we would both lose you. "

"What does he even mean?"

"He threatened to tell the elders about us if he ever sees us even greeting or even making eye contact again."

"Is that why you pushed me away?"

"Lady, if ever he sees us even talking he will really go tell the elders. His grandfather is an elder. His grandfather is amongst the strictest elders in our village."

I held my head in my hands with my elbows on my lap.

"If he tells his grandfather, it's all over. They will take it to the chief and I will not only lose my life, but I will also you. Forever. Now, I rather not have you but see you around me than to not have you and never see you again.

"I knew that if I simply tried to explain it to you at the well you wouldn't have listened. You were going to try and convince me otherwise. That's why I thought that being rude to you would ultimately distance you from me, but it only got you closer to me.

"Now I don't know what to do..."

"So you are telling me that we shouldn't speak again..."

"It's for the best."

"Furah would never let them do anything to me, and I believe I can convince her to save you too."

"Nobody is allowed to interfere with what the elders decide, not even the chief, he is simply informed so that he can be present."

"Then marry me."

"I told you to never say that."

"Marry me before Abu does."

"I can't..."

I was awestruck. "And why can't you?"

"I have no one to speak for me. I have neither a father nor grandfather. A man my age has no authority to come before any elder and ask to marry a woman."

"So how was Abu going to do it?"

"He is an elder's grandson. Plus, his father is still alive."

I couldn't believe my ears. "That's so unfair. That means you are never to marry."

"I will, but just to another girl in my situation. And I'm not allowed to choose that girl, the elders will choose one for me when I tell them I want to get married."

"So you don't even have a choice in all this."

He shook his head and kept his head down. "At least I choose when I want to get married."

"You don't need someone to speak for you. You have a mouth. You can go to one elder and just tell them-"

"I can't." Yoké said firmly. "Stop giving me any ideas. I may listen to you and let you lead me wherever you feel like but they will never. These are the principals of our village. They've been our principals before I was even born, before my father and forefathers were born. What makes you think they will change now? It's hopeless."

I covered my face with my hands. "So you are telling me we can't ever be together?"

He just sighed.

"I don't ever want to be away from you, Yoké."

He took my hands away from my face. "Me neither. But we can still make a plan..."

"What plan?"

"We can still see each other. We won't speak at the well and around the other villagers, but we will make a plan to see each other."

"But we only get chances to see each other at the well, where else would we see each other?"

"We will make a plan. Tomorrow there will be a celebration for the rain. All the villagers will assemble at the arena again. We can sneak away again, but we will have to make sure Abu doesn't see us."

"And how do we do that since he said he is always keeping an eye on me."

"We will make a plan. It's almost time for the cock to crow. You should get on your way."

I stood up and he stood up after me. He turned towards me and placed his hands on my neck and brought his head closer to mine. He swerved the side of his nose against mine and back again.

"I promise you we will make a plan to always see each other, even if they get you married to someone else. You will always be mine."

"Promise me you will never let me get married to someone else."

He hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. "I love you."

I hugged him back tightly and when we parted I kissed him.

He touched his lips after the kiss and told me that that was the first time he ever kissed anyone.

I told him that I think it's my first time too. He smiled at me and walked with me hand in hand down the mountains and through the forest. When we reached the yard he let me sneak alone behind the huts and to our hut. When I got to our entrance, I turned around and he was there across the yard watching me. I smiled at him and got into the hut.

Everything was as still as I had left them. I sneaked through the curtain, down the passage, past the chief's chamber and into Princess Rena's chamber, which was now own chamber. It didn't take me long to fall asleep. I slept and slept peacefully. That night I didn't dream.