4. Make Me Forget

Moon’s pov

Shit, I shouldn’t have done this. I was the Alpha of this pack and I had a responsibility to them. Right now, I just wanted to crawl into bed, cry and never come out.

“Get yourself together!” I shouted at myself inside my head.

Angela shushed me, “don’t be so hard on yourself. You think Alpha’s can’t feel things? Can’t have hard days? That’s why you have a Beta and other packmembers to help you.”

My Beta Jeanne was currently busy making sure the border was save and I didn’t want to bother her. I was already bothering Mary and Racheal with this.

“They’re your family. They don’t mind.” Angela reassured me.

But I didn’t feel reassured at all. If I could have killed Kimiko, maybe Kai was right and I did kill my own mother. And if I could kill her, the woman I had loved more than anything?! Then I must be evil.

“You want to rest a bit?” Racheal asked me

“I think I will just shift and hunt.” I said, needing to release some of this stress

Would the memories hunt my dreams if I fell asleep? I didn’t know, but it wasn’t like I could avoid sleep all together right?

I walked out of my tent, spotting two new members.

“Alpha Moon, are you okay?” Andres asked.

“Fine,” I growled back.

I walked off, but could still hear them talk about me.

Lukas laughed, “you fool. What, are you trying to get in her good graces?”

Andres slapped his friend on his arm, “no, more like in her pants. The Alpha is hot!”

Lukas seemed to agree, “she is. But way out of both our leagues.”

I didn’t know if I was hot. But I appreciated my body for what it did for me. At first I had hated my body, because it didn’t fit with the image I remembered from myself. My body didn’t feel like my own or look like my own. Especially when I started to remember dreams where I had sex with someone I didn't remember.

But I had grown to care for it. My body was stronger now and I could protect myself with it, better than when I was a little girl. I had made my body even stronger, by training every day. I had gotten a tan since living here and I had had lost weight, from training and eating less. What I could remember from living at home, was that the packhouse had some of the best chefs there and great food.

Sadly the Wolvin pack couldn’t compare in that regard. We would hunt for meat and had a vegetable garden. Sometimes we would trade with other wolves for special items like clothing, but not very often to avoid being spotted. We used the skin of the animals we had hunted, to make blankets and clothing to trade or use for when it got really cold in the winter.

My long brown wavy hair was all the way to my butt when I came here. Racheal braided it, in the beginning, but it was too much work and I needed a change. Needed a way for me to see this body as my own. And cutting my hair was one way to do that.

So I had cut my hair short after being here for a year. It has grown since then. It started as a pixie cut and now it’s almost reaching my chin. It’s long enough for me to tie in a short pony tail. I might cut it again, but for now it’s easy to handle and it meant I didn’t have to wash it that often either. My hair looked better when it was a bit dirty anyway.

“No, it doesn’t. You’re just lazy.” Angela mocked me.

I had more important things to worry about than my looks. Like remembering how I killed my best friend.

I shifted and let Angela take over, hunting some rabbits and deer for the pack. I dragged them all back to our kitchen tent and shifted in the middle of the pack.

I didn’t really care who saw me naked. We’re all rogue wolves here, some rogues spent their whole life either naked or in wolf form. But we were more civilized now. Sort off.

I was tired from hunting and went inside my tent. Please let me not dream about killing Kimiko. I wished I could forget that memory again.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on something else.

.

.

.

“Mona, why are you here?” a man that looked familiar said.

I walked up to him and I took my shirt off, standing only in my lace bra and trousers.

“You know why I am here, Alpha Paul.”

He shook his head, but his eyes remained on my breasts.

“What would your father say?”

I bit my lips and unclasped my breast. “What would your Luna say to you having an underage girl in your bedroom?”

Alpha Paul backed off. “Leave, Mona.”

My hand went to my breast and I squeezed it. I could see Alpha Paul staring at me. So I went step further, placing my hand inside my underwear and touching myself.

“You don’t have to do anything. You can just watch.” I said, taking a step closer. “Your Luna won’t know if you touch yourself.”

Alpha Paul seemed to think about it, so I walked even closer.

“Sit.” I said, pushing Alpha Paul on his bed.

I stood in front of him and I pushed his head between my breasts.

“Don’t they feel good?”

His head stayed there and I quickly grabbed a phone from my pocket and took a picture of him.

“No, I can’t do this. You aren’t even eighteen yet. You need to leave, Mona. Don’t make me command you.”

I sighed, “fine. I’ll leave.” I said, as I picked up my shirt and bra from the floor.

.

.

What the hell?! Was I trying to blackmail this Alpha? I didn’t even know an Alpha Paul, it wasn’t the Alpha from my old pack, I think. Alpha Ta, shit. What was he called?! My alpha had a name that sounded like a bird, or something.

I hated this. Why did I use my body like that?! I needed to forget. To feel something else.

I mindlinked Andres and Lukas to come to my tent.

“Alpha Moon, how can we help you?” Andres said, looking at my body.

I hadn't gotten dressed since I went hunting.

“Did you mean it when you said you wanted inside my pants?”

“I mean, no. I didn’t mean it like that.” Andres said scared.

Lucas tried to help him, “you’re beautiful, but we didn’t mean to disrespect you. You’re our Alpha.”

I sighed, “I want you both to make me forget.”

They looked at me like I said something very strange. I walked to my bedroom.

“Make me forget everything for one night. Can you do that?”

Andres and Lukas looked at each other and then back at me.

“Both of us?” Lukas said softly.

“Yes, is that a problem?”

Andres shook his head, “no, Alpha.”

They followed me to my bedroom in the back of the tent and I stood in front of them naked. They started taking their clothes off.

We didn’t speak. They knew what I wanted.