Kabanata 12

Is avoiding him was a wise decision? I think yes if it's for my own good. Falling in love is inevitable in life but falling for someone without assurance is something we should take seriously. 

“Paano ka nakakauwi at nakakapasok nang hindi nagpapahatid kay manong?” bungad na tanong ni kuya Lucky sa paggising ko.

It's been a month since I've been avoiding Rius. Umikot ang buhay ko mula sa school at bahay lang nitong mga nakaraang linggo. Kuya Lucky was also gone for almost one month for his work abroad. Inaasikaso niya ang business nila sa Canada. Maybe our driver told him about it. 

“Nagta-taxi, Kuya,” sagot ko. Kabado.

“Come on, Fortunate. We both know that you are not good at commuting.”

“I knew already! I even went home alone, last time,” pagmamalaki ko.

Tumaas ang kilay niya. “Dahil doon lang ang alam at kaya mo. How about in the other places? You don't even know how to go to your school by yourself.”

I pouted. “Oo na. H-Hinahatid ako ng kaibigan ko.”

“Kailan ka pa nagkaroon ng kaibigan?” Salubong ang makakapal niyang kilay. 

“Lately. Don't worry he's a good person... they are good people, Kuya,” nakangiting ani ko.

He just sighed. “Okay. Eat your breakfast. Puro kayo pa-deliver. Hindi na masustansiya ang mga kinakain niyo. Get up,” agarang utos niya. 

“Yes, sir!”

“Brat. Tss.” 

“Mean.”

I went to the dining area to eat. Good thing kuya Lucky was here because we will no longer have to order in the fast food, though we have one helper here who cook for us. Nilutuan ulit ako ni Kuya ng spicy roasted cauliflower and pineapple juice. Hinding-hindi ako magsasawa.

After eating, pumunta ako sa kuwarto ni Hope para tignan siya. I took a peek from her door. I saw her sitting near her study table while reading a book. There are many scratches on her table. 

“Hope.”

She turned around to see me. My eyebrows raised when I saw her eyes surrounded with dark circles. She looked stressed and tired. Lumapit ako sa puwesto niya. 

“What happened to you? Are you okay?” Nag-aalalang tanong ko.

She pouted. ”Of course. Pressured lang me sa school works. You know naman na my course is not madali.”

“Alam ko. But you shouldn't deprived yourself sometimes. Hindi lang naman sa pag-aaral nakatuon ang buhay mo.”

I went to her side and sat on the chair beside her. Nakahalumbaba akong tumingin sa kaniya. She's busy writing something on a paper. 

“But I think you can do it. Halimaw kaya ang utak mo sa sobrang talino mo. Sometimes I want to be like you so Mom will be proud of me if I'll get high grades.” 

Napatingin siya sa akin dahil sa sinabi ko. Her forehead wrinkled. 

“You have high grades naman ah?”

I frowned at her. “Are you insulting me, Hope? Mataas na sa'yo ang 82?”

Isang mapanuksong ngiti ang sumilay sa labi niya hanggang sa mauwi iyon sa halakhak. Sumimangot ako sa ginawa niya. 

“Duh! For me mataas na 'yon. 82 was your highest grade eh, right?” 

Masakit man isipin pero tumango ako. I never received a grade higher than 82. Laging nag-iinit ang ulo ni mommy noon sa tuwing bigayan ng report card kaya hindi niya na ulit magawang tignan iyon sa mga sumunod na markahan. 

I'm not that 'bobo', I'm just lazy when it comes to my studies. I'm always sleepy every time I tried to study. Naniniwala akong grade is just a number.

“Is it necessary to have high grades? You know my grades aren't perfect because I am not smart as you.”

“Grades don't define who you are so you don't need to have high grades. I also believe in the saying “some are good at school, others are good at life” so don't be affected by your grades, Fortunate. You're better without it,” she said, with straight English. 

“Then why are you aiming for high grades?” 

She just shrugged with my stupid question. 

“I miss Granny na. Punta kaya us sa mansion to visit her? I also want to take a pahinga from this. My utak was not working na. Please... pretty, please,” she pleaded.

Natatawang tumango ako sa kaniya. “Sure. I also missed her. Matagal ko na rin naman itong balak kaya tara na.”

We arrived at the Dilema's residence. The maid immediately went to us the moment she saw us approaching. I smiled when I noticed who it was. Siya 'yong nakatapon sa akin ng tubig dati. 

“Good morning, Señorita Hope...señorita  A-Agony,” nag-aalinlangan niyang turan sa huli. 

“Magandang morning, Manang!” Hope greeted with a smile.

I glanced at her and she looked away when she noticed my stare. Pero hindi nakaligtas sa mga mata ko ang tinging iginawad niya. I saw longing in her eyes. Na-miss niya siguro ako!

Lumapit ako sa puwesto niya at natigilan siya nang kumapit ako sa braso niya. 

“Good morning, Manang! It's nice to see you again,” I said happily at hinila siya para sumabay sa paglalakad namin.

“Where's Granny po?” tanong ko.

“Nasa terasa, Señorita. Doon siya lagi tuwing  tanghali para magpahangin. Samahan ko na kayo.”

I smiled widely. “Thank you, Nana Rina! Tara na po.”

“Sige, hija.”

We walk towards the terrace with manang Rina. Malayo palang ay natanaw ko na si Granny sa malawak na terasa ng mansyon. She's sitting on a rocking chair while reading a book. Nagpaalam na rin si manang Rina para pumunta sa kusina.

“Granny!”

She slowly turned her head on us. Her eyebrows raised while looking unbelievably at us. Masaya kaming lumapit sa kaniya para humanlike sa pisngi niya.

“What brought you here, mga apo?” nakangiting tanong niya. She aged beautifully.

Bagama't nakangiti siya ay mahihimigan pa rin ang pagiging istrikta sa kaniyang mukha. She's staying at home to rest since she already stepped down from her position in the company and she recently declared tita Loren as the new CEO of Air Force of D's Company. Their company was famous for being respected and loved as the greatest aircraft manufacturer around the world. 

“We missed you, Granny. Hope wants us to come over here because she achingly missed you so much,” I teased. 

She pouted but smile afterward. I sat on the craftatoz wooden chair next to Hope. 

“Duh!”

Nagtawanan lang kami sa naging reaksiyon niya. Granny cleared her throat to get our attention. 

“Hmm, anyway your cousin will stay in this house for the meantime. She will arrive tomorrow or one of these days. I think it's time for all of you to have quality time together. Siguro naman hindi na kayo magbabangayan since you are all a grown lady, right?” she said with certainty.

Napaiwas ako nang tingin sa kaniya at nagkunwaring may hinahanap sa aking pouch. I can't assure her that. Matagal nang nagbago ang lahat. Hindi na katulad ng dati ang samahan naming magpipinsan.

“O-Oh...y-yeah. You're right, granny,” Hope said unknowingly.

Sa mansyon kami nagpalipas ng gabi. We decided to sleep here since we only visit here once in a while. In the morning, I heard a deafening voice of someone while I'm walking in the stairway. 

“Where's my bag?! It has important things inside. Pag may nawala ro'n ipapa-salvage ko kayo!” she said with irritation.

I saw how the poor maid runs somewhere to look for her precious bag. I walked quietly so she won't notice my presence but luck didn't cooperate with me. Kunot ang kaniyang noo na sumulyap sa gawi ko but she suddenly smiled evilly.

Napangiwi ako sa pagbabago ng timpla niya. Bipolar? I'm about to go back upstairs when she spoke.

“Hey! Is that how you greet your cousin? You're rude, huh!” aniya sa dismayadong tinig.

I do not know how to treat her because we are not that close like before. I awkwardly smiled at her.

“H-Hi, Healy... w-welcome home!” Napangiwi ako sa pagbati.

“Hmm... how's Agatha?” agad niyang tanong.

“A-Agatha?”

“Yeah. As in Agatha Pahate. You know her, right?” Napasimangot ako. Imbes na ako ang kamustahin mas inuna pa ang iba. 

“Oo...pero h-hindi kami close. Magkakilala pala kayo? How?” naguguluhang tanong ko. 

How did she know Agatha? 

“It's none of your business. But I just want to tell you this...” Lumapit siya sa'kin at bumulong. “Stay away from her and Console. Wag mo nang hadlangan ang dalawa dahil masasaktan ka lang. I'm warning you as a friend.”

Saglit akong natahimik. “P-Pero hindi ko naman sila guguluhin kung 'yan ang inaalala mo.”

Naglakad siya sa harap ko habang nakahalukipkip. Sinundan ng mga mata ko ang bawat galaw niya.

 

“But you're hoping. It's okay though, libre naman ang umasa,” she uttered with a smirk.

“Hindi ako umaasa,” mariing turan ko. “Sinusubukan ko na ngang umiwas. Why are you bothered anyway?” tanong ko.

Napatigil siya sa paggalaw. Umirap siya bago nagsalita. 

“Do you think that tita Samara will like him for you? Of course not! Magkaiba ang estado niyo sa buhay. Iniisip ko lang ang mga posibilidad kapag naging kayo. Ugh! Basta makinig ka nalang!” naiiritang bulalas niya.

Napaawang ang bibig ko. Why are you overreacting, Healy? Napailing nalang ako.

“S-Sige aakyat na ako,” ani ko. 

Naguguluhang umakyat ako sa taas papunta sa kuwarto ni Hope. 

Why is she like that? Magkaibigan ba sila ni Agatha that's why she wants me to stay away from him so they will be together? 

Ginising ko si Hope at sabay na kaming bumaba. Good thing Healy was not in the living room anymore. Ayoko nang makausap siya. 

I heard that she's already in her room to rest. Maaga pala siyang nakarating dito sa Pilipinas. Akala ko kasama niya ate niya kaya mabuti nalang at hindi. Sobrang nakaka-intimidate pa naman 'yon. 

“Where's Healy, Manang Rina?” si Hope.

Manang Rina's about to speak but someone suddenly interrupts. 

“I'm here! You're looking for me? Aw! Did you missed me that much, Hope?” she teased. 

She went to Hope's side and hugged her. Pigil ang ngisi ko nang maarteng kinalas ng huli ang pagkakayakap niya.

“Ew! You're kadiri. Stop assuming, please. It's nakakamatay kaya.” She rolled her eyes. 

Healy frowned at her. “Whatever! I'm still prettier than you though.”

Napairap ulit si Hope. “You're nananaginip lang. Stop ka na sa pag talk with me. Hindi us close.”

She turned her back at her. I don't know how to react. They were both spoiled brats. Baka mamaya magsabunutan sila. 

“Argh! Ewan ko sayong conyo ka!”

Hope glared at her but she already leaves the living room before she can notice. 

“You should've ignored her, Hope. You're both spoiled brats and have a short temper. Good thing you didn't hurt each other physically. Baka maulit na naman ang nangyari dati,” banayad kong turan.

She just sighed at umirap sa hangin. Hindi ko na dinugtungan ang sinabi. Payapa kaming kumain ng agahan. 

We have a plan on going out today. Hope wants to roam around nowhere. I have nothing to do since our midterm exam was already done last friday. It means on monday we will have the university tour. I suddenly felt excited about it. 

I'm currently fixing my bag when I felt chest discomfort. Natigilan ako at umupo sa kama. I touch my chest when a sharp and stabbing pain comes within my heart. Huminga ako nang malalim para ikalma ang sarili ko dahil bahagya akong nakaramdam nang paninikip ng dibdib. 

I sighed when the pain subsided. What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm just restless and tired. Ganito naman lagi kapag nagpupuyat ako. Nang umayos ang aking pakiramdam ay tumayo ako para umalis na. 

Napadpad kami sa BGC. Hope keeps on giggling every time she saw a Korean. She even has the guts to talk with them but the Korean boy gives her a what's-wrong-with-this-weird-girl-look. All I did was laugh at her every time they ignore her.

“I'm nadidismaya. Ilag to me ang mga Oppa. Sayang they're hot pa naman but 'di na me aasa,” she said hopelessly. 

Wala akong masabi kaya tinawan ko nalang siya. We're eating at the Korean restaurant. She's hoping to meet a Korean idol but no one was interested in her. 

Natigil ako sa pagsubo nang tumunog ang cellphone ko sa ibabaw ng mesa. My heart beats fast the moment I saw who it was. 

Rius calling...

I immediately turn off my phone and put it inside my bag. I don't want to talk to him. Wala kaming pag-uusapan. His actions and words were vivid as crystal clear. Every time we're together, it seems like he was forced to be with me. I don't want to give him trouble just by that so I'll distance myself from him. Even if it hurts. 

Inangat ko ang aking paningin at nakita kong nakatitig siya sa akin. Curiosity was visible in her eyes.

“I saw it! Ba't mo ni-off? Malay mo it's mahalaga pala.”

Umiling ako. “H-Hindi.”

“May na-notice me... these past few weeks, you're avoiding him. Hindi na rin you sumasabay to us sa pagpasok. What's wrong?” banayad niyang tanong habang mariing nakatitig sa mga mata ko. 

Umiwas ako nang tingin. Alam kong napansin niya 'yon. She's smart enough to notice that. I stared at my plate. 

“Tell me, Fortunate. Promise whatever it is I will keep it as a secret. I won't sabi kahit kanino, even kuya Lucky,” she promised.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago nagsalita. I need to tell her so she will understand me...para gumaan na rin ang loob ko.

“M-My heart was... beating for... him,” nakayukong sabi ko. Halos pabulong iyon. 

She didn't respond kaya inangat ko ang paningin ko. I saw her stilled on her seat at napaawang ang kaniyang bibig.

“N-Nakakagulat ba? I know it's wrong to love him. I-I don't... even have the r-right to. But it's okay. Isa pa... baka hindi siya magustuhan nila mommy since his family isn't rich like us. Alam mo naman 'yon.” I laughed to lighten the atmosphere. 

“Y-You already know... how to landi! Dalaga na you, Fortunate! This is a magandang balita. I'll support you,” aniya nang makabawi.

Nalaglag ang panga ko sa sinabi niya. Sa dami nang sinabi ko iyon lang ang napansin niya? 

“Hope!”

“Ayieh, ikaw ha! You like him pala. That's why you're always shy with him. I'll sabi this to Kuya Lucky. He'll be surprised I swear!” 

Nasapo ko ang noo ko. I knew it! Hindi talaga siya mapagkakatiwalaan sa mga ganitong bagay.

“Pero know mo ba na may crush ako sa kaniya slight? Slight lang naman so don't worry!”

Hindi ko binigyang pansin ang sinabi.

Sumapit ang araw ng lunes kaya may pasok na naman kami. I'm smiling widely while walking in the corridor because I'm excited about the university tour. Kasama ko ngayon si Aki dahil sinundo niya ako kanina. 

“I'm so excited for the university tour, Aki! First-time kong makasali sa mga ganito. I feel free!” masayang sabi ko habang niyuyugyog ang balikat niya. 

Natatawang siyang tumingin sa'kin. His chinky eyes were smiling dahilan para mas lalong lumiit ang mga mata niya. He's so cute kaya pinisil ko ang pisngi niya. 

“Aray! You're hurting me, Fortunate. Sobrang saya mo talaga 'no?” Nakangiwing aniya.

I pouted but I can't hide my smile. “You're cute eh. Sorry hehe. Let's go kasi late na yata tayo.”

Nakarating kami sa room namin habang nagtatawanan. Natigil lamang iyon nang pumasok kami sa loob. I glanced at Winslet and smiled. Ngumiti siya pabalik pero hindi umabot sa mga mata niya. I think she's still not okay. 

Tumingin ako sa paligid at nakita kong halos kompleto na lahat ng mga classmates ko. All of them were excited. Alas 8 palang at mamayang 10 pa magsisimula ang tour. 

Nakaramdam ako nang pananakit ng puson. I look at Winslet again. She's preoccupied kaya 'di na ako nag-abalang istorbohin siya. 

I hurriedly went to the comfort room. Ngayon yata ako dadatnan. I didn't bring some pads with me. Hays. I look at my back through the mirror in front. Walang tao maliban sa akin kaya okay lang.

I sighed heavily when I noticed a red spot on my skirt. Paano ako lalabas nito? Napanguso ako habang nakatingin sa salamin. Dapat pala sinama ko si Winslet.

My chest pounded as I slowly walk towards the door and took a peek to see if there are people outside. Napangisi ako nang makitang walang tao. Dahan-Dahan akong naglakad palabas patungo sa corridor.

Nagtungo ako sa pinakamalapit na convenience store para bumili. This was the first-time I felt irritated with myself for not bringing some pads. I even forgot na ngayon na pala ako dadatnan.

Pabalik na ako sa room namin nang makarinig ako ng tunog ng gitara. I looked around to see who and where it was. Students were busy watching someone at the sunken garden. Out of curiosity, I found myself walking towards them. 

I gasped when I saw the person who's strumming the guitar. Rius was standing at the center of sunken garden with loosened shoulders as if he has no energy while slowly strumming his fingers. 

What is he doing here? Bakit hindi niya kasama si Agatha?

Inangat niya ang tingin at halos mapako ako sa kinatatayuan nang magtama ang mga mata namin. 

He started singing while looking into my eyes. “Sorry na kung nagalit ka, 'di naman sinasadya.”

Kumalabog ang puso ko. Hinawi ko ang buhok at napakagat-labing tumingin sa baba para iwasan ang nakakanginig na titig niya.

“Shit ang guwapo! Ganda pa ng boses.” 

“Feeling ko ako ang kinakantahan niyan. Tignan mo, bitch oh dito siya nakitingin!”

Narinig ko ang bulungan nila sa unahan ko. Hindi ko sila pinansin at itinuon lang mata sa kaniya. 

“Tanga wag kang umasa. Baka kamo 'yong babaeng kasama niya lagi ang hinaharana niyan.”

“Sinong babae? Iyong maputi? Imposible naman kasi binabantayan niya lang 'yon!”

“Ah basta!” Lumingon siya likod na tila'y may hinahanap. “Ayon siya!” Turo niya sa may banda ko.

My eyes grew bigger. Agad akong umiwas nang tingin at muling ibinalik kay Rius. Is he sorry for what he has said last time we talked that's why he's doing this? If it's true  I'll accept your apology, Rius. Ganiyan kita kagusto. Hindi ko namalayang nakangiti na pala ako habang pinagmasdan siyang kumanta.

“Hi, ate Agatha! Sabi na ikaw 'yon eh.”

Nanlamig ako sa narinig. I slowly glanced at the back. Nakita ko ang nakangiting si Agatha habang kinakausap ang dalawang babae kanina. Her face was glowing with happiness as she stared at Rius. 

Nabasag ang munting pag-asa sa puso ko nang mapagtanto ang lahat. I-It wasn't me! He's singing for her! She was there from the start. Ang malambing niyang titig ay hindi para sa'kin sa una palang... it meant for her.

I forced myself to walk away from that place. A single tear escaped my eyes.