A Family of Four, No Place for Me

"Leanna, did you pack those new sweaters?

"And the snow-fox coats your father bought you? I put them on top, so take them out first when you get there.

"It's cold up north. Keep warm and don't get sick."

My mother had been in Leanna's room since first light, going through every suitcase again and again.

"Mom, that's the third time you've said all this!"

Leanna looped her arm through our mother's. "Don't worry," she coaxed. "I remember everything you said!"

My mother gave her arm a playful tap.

"Knowing how careless you are, I have to check a few more times.

"Oh, and I sorted your usual medicine into the little case. It's in the outside pocket of your day bag."

She kept fussing over Leanna for a while before she noticed me in the doorway.

She paused and looked at me.

"You've always been the easy one, Aurora. So independent. I never have to worry about you."

With an old backpack on my shoulders, I looked down at the small 20-inch suitcase by my feet.

That was everything I owned.

I'd packed it all myself well in advance.

I carried it downstairs, and my father glanced at me and frowned.

"Leanna has three suitcases. There's no room left in the carriage.

"You don't have much, Aurora. Why don't you wait here? We'll come back for you after we drop Leanna off."

My hand tightened on the handle.

It was always like this.

Next to Leanna, I always had to wait.

Leanna shone so brightly that once our parents looked at her, they couldn't see me at all.

So I tried as hard as I could to be better.

Leanna had the talent and the grades, but she was hopeless at taking care of herself.

So I kept my grades up and took care of everything myself. I never gave them a thing to worry about.

I thought being the easy one would make them notice me.

Instead, the easier I made things for them, the less they worried.

And the less they worried, the more convinced they were that I didn't need looking after.

My mother was helping Leanna carry her suitcases downstairs when she spoke to me. "You've always been independent, Aurora. Not like Leanna, who needs us for everything.

"Take some money out of my drawer and hire a carriage of your own, all right?"

I didn't say anything.

A month earlier, they had already worked out every detail of Leanna's departure: what to bring, what to watch out for, how to get there.

But nobody asked about me.

I stood there like a spectator and watched them carry Leanna's bags out, trip after trip.

Once the last bag was loaded, they glanced at the sky and hurried to leave.

Just before they left, my mother remembered something and turned back to me.

"Aurora, make sure the doors and windows are shut before you go.

"It's going to rain later. We're heading out."

On her way past me, my mother paused.

"Let me know when you get to school, Aurora."

Then they were gone.

The house fell silent. I stood alone in the living room.

The sky had darkened, and a few faint shafts of light slanted through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

Dust hung in the air and took its time settling.

I watched them disappear, then silently checked the windows on every floor to make sure they were shut.

I stopped when I got to Leanna's room.

A family photo stood in the middle of her desk. Our parents sat in the center, with Leanna beaming behind our mother.

I wasn't in it.

I'd been studying in my room that day, so they'd forgotten to call me down.

My mother had apologized afterward, but then she'd added, "You've always been independent, Aurora. I thought things like family photos didn't matter to you."

I shut the window and stood in her room for a moment.

Leanna had the best room in the house: big and south-facing, with plenty of sunlight.

My mother cleaned it more often than any other room, and it always smelled like flowers.

I went back to the living room. My acceptance letter was still lying untouched on the coffee table.

I put it in my bag, zipped it shut, then went outside and hired a carriage.

The rain started the moment I got in.

My comm crystal buzzed. A message from my mother.

"Did you get the doors and windows shut?"

I looked at it for a long time, then opened my contacts.

I selected my father, my mother, and Leanna, one after another, then hovered my thumb over Delete for a few seconds.

I didn't press it.

Not yet.

I put the crystal back in my pocket.

Outside the window, the fine rain had turned into one solid sheet.

Everything familiar blurred behind the rain, then vanished from sight.