Chapter 7: Attempt At Closure

Lily grasped him gently by the shoulders and slowly pushed him away so that she could look him in the eyes.

“Get the closure that you need, Matt. We have a lot of time on our hands. We have thousands of moments left to spend,” she told him softly, the sincerity shining in her eyes. “We have numerous days, months, and years ahead of us, but Miss Whitney… she doesn’t have that kind of luxury.

“Ever since we met, you’ve been warm and attentive, and I appreciate all the efforts you made just to make me happy. But there are also times when I feel that there’s something missing inside of you, an emptiness that can’t be filled even with my help. You need to gain understanding in order to let go, right?

“So don’t worry about me, and go. I know that you’ll come back to me eventually.”

***

That was how Matthew found himself sitting in a restaurant the next day with Allison Whitney seated right across from him. Lily had insisted on getting her phone number the day before, so that was how Matthew had been able to contact Allison and ask to meet up today. He rented a private room for them to talk, away from prying eyes.

The atmosphere was filled with an awkward tension, but the silence was eventually broken by the sound of Allison’s listless voice.

“Did you want to meet me because you feel sorry?” she asked, her gaze focused on the steaming cup of coffee on the table.

“…That’s not it,” Matthew said after a moment of hesitation. “Allison, I… I really don’t know what to say.”

“You can save your pitiful remarks, Matt—”

“No, let me finish,” Matthew said firmly. “I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday. You just suddenly came into my life again after six years, Lise. It’s been a long time since I even heard your voice. You just disappeared into thin air after our divorce. Did something happen? How long have you known about your cancer? Is it connected to our separation?”

Allison was staring at him, seemingly stunned. Matthew stared back in confusion, feeling both impatience and desperation filling his lungs, rendering him unable to breathe. These were the questions that he had been meaning to know the answers to, and now that the person in question was right here in front of him, he couldn’t help but pour out the genuine thoughts from his heart.

Had she broken up with him so coldly because of her cancer? Matthew had been wondering about this since last night. But when he remembered the mixed look of shock, disbelief, and resignation on her face at the hospital yesterday, he grew even more puzzled. It seemed that she had only learned about it recently.

So then, the divorce was really because she didn’t love him anymore? It was all because of him and his ineptitude?

“You…” Allison said, but then paused in hesitation. She seemed to be caught off-guard by something. “Well… um… just ask me… one question at a time, okay?”

Matthew was confused as to why her voice suddenly had a change of note. “What’s wrong? You look flustered.”

“I’m fine,” Allison said automatically with a noticeable quaver in her voice. “Please don’t concern yourself with me.”

“What’s this now? Why can’t I worry about you?”

Allison’s features hardened. “Forget it. I’m leaving.” She then made a move to stand up.

Matthew immediately followed suit and grabbed her by the wrist before she could get away. “Where are you going? We haven’t even finished talking!”

“I have nothing to talk about with you,” she said coldly, refusing to meet his gaze.

Matthew frowned. “Are you going to disappear from my sight again?” he said quietly, not loosening his grip on her wrist. “Are you just going to suffer silently and hopelessly wait for a miracle?”

Allison opened her mouth to respond, but Matthew cut her off immediately, eyes blazing.

“Are you still working at the laboratory? Or did you quit? Do you have money to sustain yourself? Can you afford the cancer treatments by yourself? Do you have someone, a boyfriend or a husband, to take care of you while you’re in this state?”

Allison’s lips stretched into a thin line, but she chose to say nothing.

“Talk to me, Allison,” Matthew gritted out, squeezing her wrist in frustration, but also making sure that it wouldn’t hurt her. He just needed her to understand that he was here to help, that he wasn’t here to antagonize her. That he was perfectly willing to understand her situation and support her when necessary.

'Then again,' he thought to himself wryly. 'She has always been such a stubborn woman.'

The Allison he knew and fell in love with, the Allison he lived together with and married, was a fiercely independent woman who set her own goals and strived to achieve them with her own hard work and efforts. She had always been such an admirable person to Matthew, a bright beacon of light that shone through his empty heart. He had been dazzled by her warmth and intelligence back then, and she had always seen him for who he was, and not the boy who was painstakingly raised by one of the wealthiest families in the country. He had longed for acceptance and affection, and she had been the one to give him that without expecting anything in return.

'I feel like I haven’t done anything of significance to her compared to the number of times she saved me in the past,' Matthew thought to himself as his mind returned to the present. 'I have to make it up to her. I have to…'

The sound of Allison sighing heavily snapped him out of his thoughts. “Mattie…” she said softly, almost pleadingly. “I’m not your wife anymore. You don’t need to concern yourself with me. You should leave this town and go back along with your girlfriend. Live a happy life and grow old together with her. I’ll be fine.”

Hesitantly, she reached out and grasped him by the shoulder, eyes glassy.

“I left you because I didn’t love you anymore. It had nothing to do with my current illness. Don’t worry about me. My husband will take care of me.”