chapter three . laundry Arousal

I stayed in the hospital for two days, tucked under thin white sheets . Leo never left. He slept in the blue chair, his long legs tangled together. Every time he looked at me , he would say,"mom you will be fine ",okay?, you still have me, and Sarah, how's Sarah doing? I asked him, she's fine,he replied, she's attending dance classes, ohh ok I replied. Going for dance classes so she can dance on my son's dick, I said in my mind.

A doctor in a white suit came in and said, Madam, you are free to go, I will advise that you keep taking the pain relief drugs for better result, your head will be completely healed after some days, you are lucky.

Leo assisted me, and we walked out of the hospital gate, my phone was already buzzing with messages,they heard of my accident and the divorce, I don't know how news manages to circulate so fast, we called a cab, because my car was already in the mechanic, the drive home was quiet.I stared out the window thinking about the divorce papers.

We got home feeling tired, the table cloth was a mess, there were bread wrappers on the table,"I'll take care of everything, Mom, "You just need to rest."

I went to my room and laid down, then I recalled how my husband proposed to me, the night he proposed,that was the night I truly believed I was living in a fairytale. Looking back now, as I sit in this quiet house hating my self.

It was two years after the movie theater night. We had gone to a small park at the edge of town, The sky was usually beautiful on that day.

He told me to wear my favorite dress, a yellow one that made me feel like a princess. I remember the way the fabric felt against my legs, warm and comfortable .My thoughts were simple back then. I was just thinking about what we would have for dinner, or how much I loved the way he sings while driving his Toyota Camry.

"Darlene, look over there," he said, pointing toward a large oak tree.

I looked, and my breath caught. He had set up a small picnic, but it wasn't just food. He had hung little glass jars from the branches, and inside each one was a tiny yellow candle.The light was warm, everything look soft and magical.

My heart started to beat fast, I felt a tingle in my fingers. Is this it? I thought. Is this the moment?

We sat down on a big red blanket. He was wearing a white shirt and black trousers,he had even tucked it in, which he rarely did. I noticed he was sweating a little, even though the evening air was cool. He kept reaching into his pocket and then pulling his white handkerchief.

"You're acting weird,I said,reaching out to touch his arm. His skin felt hot.

He took a deep breath, and the look in his eyes changed.

"Darlene," he started, his voice a bit thick. "Since that rainy day at the Vista, I haven't been able to imagine a single day without you.i can not even breathe without you,You're the color in my life. You're my home., you are my peace, he said.

He moved from the blanket onto one knee. He pulled out a small red box. When he opened it,the diamond ring caught my eyes,"Will you marry me?"

I didn't even say "yes" at first. I couldn't. It felt like I was dreaming,I just started nodding, tears hot and salty running down my cheeks. I was so so happy. I said yes, then he smiled like a baby .He pulled me into a hug, and I buried my face in his neck, smiling ,I remember thinking, I am going to grow old with this man. We are going to have a beautiful life.

After recalling, I slept off till the next day with out eating dinner. I went to check on Leo, he was in the backyard fixing his bike , Leo , I called, my baby you don't have to fix it your self, you can take it to the repairer, he said feeling like a hero,no mom I have got this, I left him there, went to his room, and saw a pile of clothes in the corner.

I gathered his clothes. I needed to feel useful. I carried the heavy basket to the small laundry room near the kitchen. The walls were yellow, the old washing machine sounded like a tired heart. I have to get a new one,I thought to myself.

I started sorting the colors. Dark blues, blacks, and that specific shade of forest green he loved to wear. As I picked up a grey hoodie, I didn't just toss it in the machine. I stopped. I pulled the red fabric toward my face and closed my eyes.

The scent hit me instantly. It was the smell of him and a trace of the soap he used. My chest felt tight. It was a comfort I shouldn't have wanted this badly. I found myself burying my face deeper into the soft cotton, inhaling until my lungs hurt a little bit hurt.

Then, I reached for his short, the one he wore when Sarah was around,As I turned them inside out to check the pockets, my fingers brushed against a stiff, rough patch on the inner thigh of the short. I held the fabric up. There it was: a small, dried, off-white spot.

I knew exactly what it was. I should have been disgusted or maybe should have thrown it immediately into the washing machine.

I stared at the short again, my mind was betraying me, the washing machine shaking beside me, and I stared at that spot. It was a spot of dried cum.I brought the spot to my nose.The scent was different here. It was not smelling bad, actually I liked it. which was so unusual of me,I thought.

I rubbed my thumb over the dried spot. It was scratchy against my skin. "Mom? Are you okay in there?"Leo’s voice boomed from nowhere ,I jumped, nearly dropping the shirt. "I'm fine!" I called back, my voice cracking. "Just... just washing your dirty clothes baby, okay thank you mom ,he said.

I quickly shoved the short into the machine and slammed the lid. I turned it on, and the water began to rush in.

"God, please," I whispered, "What is wrong with me? Help me be a mother. Just a mother."

after thirty minutes, my son's clothes was done.

I walked out of the laundry room, smoothing my hair. Leo was standing by the fridge, drinking a glass of water. His shirt was off because of the heat outside, and lots of sweat rolled down his huge chest. his body was built like those ones I normally watch in movies, Where Mafia king forcefully gets married to the poor wolf. Leo looked at me and gave me an innocent look.

"You look pale, Mom," he said, stepping closer. He reached out to touch my forehead to check for a fever. "Maybe you should lie down."

I stepped back, away from his hand. "No, I'm okay. I'm going to make lunch."

I stood in the kitchen, I reached for the bag of bread on the counter. The plastic made a loud sound . I pulled out eight slices. They felt soft and cool in my hands. I dropped them into the white toaster .While I waited, I leaned against the counter and watched the little wires inside the toaster begin to glow a deep, fiery orange. I could feel the heat rising toward my face. After a minute, the smell started to change. It went from the scent of plain flour to something warm, nutty, and sweet. I picked the slices out with my fingertips, hissing a little as the heat stung my skin. I put them on a small blue plate and reached for the butter.

The butter was hard, so I had to press down with the knife, As I spread it over the hot bread, it melted instantly. I sprinkled a little bit of white sugar on top. Then I called my son to come and have his breakfast,I took a bite. The crunch was loud in my ears, a sharp snap of the crust followed by the soft, warm middle. It was simple and sweet.

I sat there at the wooden table eating alone, I guess Leo was on his game pad.

I turned on my phone, and notifications starts popping in, I clicked the third notification, My heart didn’t just break; it shattered,my ex-husband, wearing a black suit that looked brand new. He was smiling , He was holding her hand. Her hair was a messy, bright green, braided with tiny white flowers. She looked young. She looked happy.

The caption read: “Finally found my forever. Starting Chapter One with my soulmate.”

I scrolled down to the comments. I couldn't stop myself. My eyes burned as I read the comments:

"You guys look so perfect together! That green hair is everything!

"Finally seeing you happy, man. You deserve this peace."

"The most beautiful bride! Such a vibe!"

" Clock it girl...."

Suddenly ,I realized I haven't deleted his photos from my phone,I opened the gallery, intending to delete the wedding photos I had just seen, but my finger slipped. I scrolled too far back, past the hospital photos, past the divorce papers, and deep into the years when things were good, a photo popped up that made me stop breathing for a second.

It was our first Christmas together, fourteen years ago. We were so young—I almost didn't recognize the woman in the picture. My skin was glowing, and my eyes were wide and bright, filled with a kind of hope I haven't felt in a long time.

In the photo, we were standing in front of a tiny Christmas tree. We didn't have much money then, so the tree was decorated with cheap shiny red plastic balls and strings of tangled silver tinsel. I was wearing a thick, cream-colored sweater that felt itchy but warm. He was behind me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, wearing a silly green Santa hat that was falling over his eyes.

The colors in the photo felt so warm.

"We looked so real," I whispered.

I remembered the smell of that night—the scent of cheap pine needles and the burnt sugar from the cookies, and how he whispered in my ear that he would never let me go. In that moment, surrounded by those warm red lights, I believed him. I thought that love was like those Christmas lights—if one bulb went out, you just replaced it and kept the whole string glowing.

I deleted all the photos of him from my gallery .

Leo walked in, his skin still slightly damp from a quick wash. He had thrown on a faded navy blue t-shirt that stretched across his broad shoulders. He looked so much like his father that it physically hurt to look at him, but his eyes—those were mine. Large, dark, and soft.

He sat down at the table, the chair creaking under his weight. He didn't reach for the toast right away. Instead, he looked at me. He saw the faint red circles around my eyes and the way my hands were trembling as I tried to straighten the napkins.

"Mom," he said softly. "Eat your breakfast, Leo. It’s getting cold," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. I focused on the bright yellow butter melting into the crannies of the bread.

He didn't listen. He reached across the table and placed his large, warm hand over mine. It would be fine mom, I love you, okay? If you feel sad again, I will stop talking to you,he joked.