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CHAPTER 142
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 143
My anger didn’t abate. It grew. For six days, it simmered and twisted in my gut. Six days as I waited by my husband’s bed for him to wake up. To open his dark brown eyes and look at me. Smile. Frown. Groan. Anything.The medical staff told me to be patient. To remain positive. Both emotions were slowly draining from me. For six days, he remained trapped in a world beyond me. Where I couldn’t reach him. His chest fell and rose with his breathing. The full oxygen mask had been replaced by cannulas, his breathing tube gone. Thick stubble grew on his face, hiding some of the cuts. His bruises were changing, fading from black and blue to yellow and purple. His expression was peaceful, his body unmoving and unresponsive. When we were alone, I wept, begging and pleading with him to wake up. When other people were around, I remained calm, locking down my emotions, putting on a strong, brave, positive face, saying he would wake soon. Be with us.Still, he slept.Inside, I despaired.And b
A vow of hate CHAPTER 144
I was stunned by Mia’s words. “I think if Valerie saw him, it would help, not hurt. And I think you need to sort your priorities.” The anger, the bitterness I had been swallowing down exploded, and I lost it. “My priorities? Stop telling me what to do!” I screamed, all rational thought gone. “I am sick of being told what to do and where to go! Leave me alone!” “No.” I crossed the room and pushed at her chest. “I don’t want to go see Valerie. I don't want to sleep.” I pushed again. “I don’t want to bring Valerie here. I’m tired of eating when I don’t want to. I’m tired of taking your goddamn orders!” She remained in place, her feet firmly planted on the linoleum. “Too bad.” “Fuck you, Mia Walker! I’m not leaving this hospital again until my husband wakes up!” “He’s not just your husband, Hazel! Have you even thought about that? Do you realize it? You’re not the only one who’s hurt. You’re not the only one who’s scared and in pain! He’s my brothe
A vow of hate CHAPTER 145
Valerie clutched my hand tight as I bent low to talk to her. “Remember what I said, okay? Daddy is only asleep.” She bobbed her head. “He knows I dere.” “Yes.” “How, Mommy?” Maddox crouched beside me. “Like in dreams, Valerie. He’ll know you’re there and he can hear you, but with the medicine he takes, he can’t talk back right now. He’ll remember when he wakes up soon.” Her little brow furrowed, she twisted her lips, then nodded. “I leave him my Lambie. He know dat I dere.” Maddox ruffled her hair. “Good plan. He probably needs something to cuddle. I’ll take a picture and show him when he wakes up.” He stood, his lips quirking. “You are so bad,” I muttered. “I am paying him back for the Oscar the Grouch stunt when I was recovering. Tit for tat, Hazel.” Christian would expect no less. I hesitated pushing open the door to Christian’s room. I had discussed this with Sarah and Grandpa as well as Christian’s doctor, who made all the arrangement
A vow of hate CHAPTER 146
The next three days were filled with tension and anticipation. There were small signs that Christian was waking up. The flutter of his eyelids—as quick as a hummingbird’s wings—so fast you would miss it if you weren’t looking. The tremor in a finger. The twitch of his arm. A quiet sound deep in his throat—something between a sigh and a groan.Each action made me stiffen with anxiety and yearn with hope. It made me ache with the need for the next sign. I didn’t leave his side, even sleeping with my fingers interlocked with his. I rushed to the bathroom when needed, swallowed the food that appeared, and raced through the fastest showers I ever had in my life, returning with wet hair and the same determination in my heart. I read to him. Talked endlessly. Played recordings of Valerie singing and nattering away that Sarah sent me. I stretched and bent his limbs the way Colin had shown me—easy movements to help his muscles stay active. I tried desperately not to get upset at the dead weigh
A vow of hate CHAPTER 147
Christian said my name. Rough, hesitant, but it was my name. He looked at me, his eyes trying to focus as he blinked and stared. His gaze bounced from me to Maddox, who was smiling so hard, his eyes were small slits in his face.I leaned closer, not bothering to wipe the tears running down my face. “Hello, my darling. I know you’re confused, but everything is okay. I’m right here.” “Wh-where?” “You’re in the hospital.” He furrowed his brow, his eyes drifting closed once again. “You were in an accident.” He opened his eyes. I watched him struggle to lift his hand, and I helped guide it to my face. His fingers jerked on my skin. “No tears,” he uttered, the words low and jagged. “I don’t like it…when you cry.” That simple statement it took him such effort to say made me cry harder. He frowned. “H-Hazel?” “Yes,” I sobbed. “I’m Hazel.” He closed his eyes with a sigh. “I…found you.” I pressed my hand harder, brushing my lips over his cheeks. “I’ve been waitin
A vow of hate CHAPTER 148
I was already rushing toward the door when Carol opened it, looking for me. I heard the sound Christian made, even through the walls, and I knew he needed me.Screw protocol.I hurried to his bedside. He was almost panting in his panic, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. His hands were wrapped tight around the bed rails, and the stark fear in his eyes made my heart ache. I brushed my hand over his forehead, leaning in as close as I could. “Shh, Christian, I’m here, my love. I’m here.” My touch seemed to calm him. I ran my hand down his arm, loosening his grip from the metal. I intertwined our fingers, lifting his hand to my mouth. “Right here,” I repeated, hating seeing him so unsettled, so vulnerable. So unlike the Christian I knew.Alan stood on the other side of his bed. “Listen to your wife, Mr. Walker. Breathe with her and try to relax. I’ll explain more when you’re ready.”I pressed his hand to my chest and breathed long and slow. He struggled to calm down, finally relaxing, the
A vow of hate CHAPTER 149
Christian looked determined the next morning, despite not sleeping well. He kept waking up all night, confused and worried. Even after I would get him settled, I felt the tension and concern radiating from him. He kept his eyes shut, but I knew he was pretending. I knew him well enough to know his mind would be racing, sorting and filing away all the information he had and figuring out how to deal with it. I wanted him to talk to me, yet I also knew that he needed to do this. It was the only way Christian could cope.He picked at his breakfast, pushed the food around with his spoon, made disgusted faces at the oatmeal and juice, before he finally pushed away the tray.“What time is Valerie coming?” He asked, totally forgetting about the food. “Valerie will be here in about an hour with Sarah and Grandpa. Mia has a little cold, so she’s staying home, we can’t risk you getting infected or something. You have to see the doctor and the physio people this afternoon. I don’t want you to ge
A vow of hate CHAPTER 150
Maddox came out of Christian’s room, his suitcase in hand. He had been a tower of strength for me, and I was going to miss him. But he had a wife that missed him, a job that had been pushed aside too long on our behalf, and a life he needed to return to.He dropped his case and swept me in for a hug. “If you need me, I’m a call away. I can be here in a day.” “Thank you for everything,” I murmured, the words somehow inadequate. He pulled back. “It’s not going to be easy, Hazel. Be strong.” He glanced at Christian’s closed door, a faint scowl on his face. “He’s holding himself in.” “I know.” I had seen a subtle change in Christian the past few days. He spoke less, snapped more, and barely acknowledged the future. I watched him with the therapists. The determination I had seen the first day he woke was dimming. I encouraged him—everyone did—reminding him it would take time and patience, and although he nodded, I worried he didn’t believe us. If he gave up, he had no ch
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