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CHAPTER 144
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 145
Valerie clutched my hand tight as I bent low to talk to her. “Remember what I said, okay? Daddy is only asleep.” She bobbed her head. “He knows I dere.” “Yes.” “How, Mommy?” Maddox crouched beside me. “Like in dreams, Valerie. He’ll know you’re there and he can hear you, but with the medicine he takes, he can’t talk back right now. He’ll remember when he wakes up soon.” Her little brow furrowed, she twisted her lips, then nodded. “I leave him my Lambie. He know dat I dere.” Maddox ruffled her hair. “Good plan. He probably needs something to cuddle. I’ll take a picture and show him when he wakes up.” He stood, his lips quirking. “You are so bad,” I muttered. “I am paying him back for the Oscar the Grouch stunt when I was recovering. Tit for tat, Hazel.” Christian would expect no less. I hesitated pushing open the door to Christian’s room. I had discussed this with Sarah and Grandpa as well as Christian’s doctor, who made all the arrangement
A vow of hate CHAPTER 146
The next three days were filled with tension and anticipation. There were small signs that Christian was waking up. The flutter of his eyelids—as quick as a hummingbird’s wings—so fast you would miss it if you weren’t looking. The tremor in a finger. The twitch of his arm. A quiet sound deep in his throat—something between a sigh and a groan.Each action made me stiffen with anxiety and yearn with hope. It made me ache with the need for the next sign. I didn’t leave his side, even sleeping with my fingers interlocked with his. I rushed to the bathroom when needed, swallowed the food that appeared, and raced through the fastest showers I ever had in my life, returning with wet hair and the same determination in my heart. I read to him. Talked endlessly. Played recordings of Valerie singing and nattering away that Sarah sent me. I stretched and bent his limbs the way Colin had shown me—easy movements to help his muscles stay active. I tried desperately not to get upset at the dead weigh
A vow of hate CHAPTER 147
Christian said my name. Rough, hesitant, but it was my name. He looked at me, his eyes trying to focus as he blinked and stared. His gaze bounced from me to Maddox, who was smiling so hard, his eyes were small slits in his face.I leaned closer, not bothering to wipe the tears running down my face. “Hello, my darling. I know you’re confused, but everything is okay. I’m right here.” “Wh-where?” “You’re in the hospital.” He furrowed his brow, his eyes drifting closed once again. “You were in an accident.” He opened his eyes. I watched him struggle to lift his hand, and I helped guide it to my face. His fingers jerked on my skin. “No tears,” he uttered, the words low and jagged. “I don’t like it…when you cry.” That simple statement it took him such effort to say made me cry harder. He frowned. “H-Hazel?” “Yes,” I sobbed. “I’m Hazel.” He closed his eyes with a sigh. “I…found you.” I pressed my hand harder, brushing my lips over his cheeks. “I’ve been waitin
A vow of hate CHAPTER 148
I was already rushing toward the door when Carol opened it, looking for me. I heard the sound Christian made, even through the walls, and I knew he needed me.Screw protocol.I hurried to his bedside. He was almost panting in his panic, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. His hands were wrapped tight around the bed rails, and the stark fear in his eyes made my heart ache. I brushed my hand over his forehead, leaning in as close as I could. “Shh, Christian, I’m here, my love. I’m here.” My touch seemed to calm him. I ran my hand down his arm, loosening his grip from the metal. I intertwined our fingers, lifting his hand to my mouth. “Right here,” I repeated, hating seeing him so unsettled, so vulnerable. So unlike the Christian I knew.Alan stood on the other side of his bed. “Listen to your wife, Mr. Walker. Breathe with her and try to relax. I’ll explain more when you’re ready.”I pressed his hand to my chest and breathed long and slow. He struggled to calm down, finally relaxing, the
A vow of hate CHAPTER 149
Christian looked determined the next morning, despite not sleeping well. He kept waking up all night, confused and worried. Even after I would get him settled, I felt the tension and concern radiating from him. He kept his eyes shut, but I knew he was pretending. I knew him well enough to know his mind would be racing, sorting and filing away all the information he had and figuring out how to deal with it. I wanted him to talk to me, yet I also knew that he needed to do this. It was the only way Christian could cope.He picked at his breakfast, pushed the food around with his spoon, made disgusted faces at the oatmeal and juice, before he finally pushed away the tray.“What time is Valerie coming?” He asked, totally forgetting about the food. “Valerie will be here in about an hour with Sarah and Grandpa. Mia has a little cold, so she’s staying home, we can’t risk you getting infected or something. You have to see the doctor and the physio people this afternoon. I don’t want you to ge
A vow of hate CHAPTER 150
Maddox came out of Christian’s room, his suitcase in hand. He had been a tower of strength for me, and I was going to miss him. But he had a wife that missed him, a job that had been pushed aside too long on our behalf, and a life he needed to return to.He dropped his case and swept me in for a hug. “If you need me, I’m a call away. I can be here in a day.” “Thank you for everything,” I murmured, the words somehow inadequate. He pulled back. “It’s not going to be easy, Hazel. Be strong.” He glanced at Christian’s closed door, a faint scowl on his face. “He’s holding himself in.” “I know.” I had seen a subtle change in Christian the past few days. He spoke less, snapped more, and barely acknowledged the future. I watched him with the therapists. The determination I had seen the first day he woke was dimming. I encouraged him—everyone did—reminding him it would take time and patience, and although he nodded, I worried he didn’t believe us. If he gave up, he had no ch
A vow of hate CHAPTER 151
I stood back, watching Christian argue with Doris the entire time she got him ready for his shower. I refused to apologize. If this was his way of doing better, life was going to be hard for the next while.In the private bathroom, Doris lowered Christian into the enclosed bath chair. “Are you sure you can do this?” she asked me. “I can get in a male orderly if you prefer.” Christian hated strangers touching him, which was one reason he was being such a difficult patient. “No, I’ll be fine.” “All right, I’ll leave you to it. Hit the call button when you’re ready, and we’ll get him settled back into his room.” She pulled the curtain closed, giving us privacy. I undressed, then slipped Christian’s gown from his shoulders, turning on the water and making sure it was warm. I adjusted the seat for him and let the water rain down on his head. He slumped forward, all the tension leaving his body. My anger slipped away at his posture, and I ran my hand over his shoulders. He gra
A vow of hate CHAPTER 152
Christian didn’t appreciate any of the changes. In fact, they either annoyed him, or caused another outburst. The repositioning of the furniture in the family room to make space for the exercise equipment was met with a glare and a downturn of his mouth. The lowered cabinet so he could reach the Keurig and make coffee was greeted with silence. The rearrangement of his office and the added height to his desk so he could get his wheelchair tucked under the edge earned mutterings and a glower. Refusing to let him see my rising frustration, I opened the door to the new elevator with a flourish. “Ta-da!” “Are you fucking kidding me with this?” he growled. “Christian!” I gasped, indicating Valerie, who was staring at him with round eyes. “You expect me to use that?” He kept talking, ignoring the fact that he had dropped the f-bomb in front of our daughter and was acting like a jerk. I remained calm. “If you want to get upstairs, you will.” “This is what yo
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