Chapter 11

The cold wind slapped against Clara’s cheeks as she sat by the wall, not too far from the restaurant, from her most recent heartbreak. One of the many she has experienced in her little time with Jace.

She lost track of time as she leaned her head on her knees, letting it all out in silent sobs. She kept at it till she couldn't feel her eyes any longer. The cold got to her as she shivered, raising her head to take in her surroundings.

Her lips quivered uncontrollably, like they had a mind of their own. She struggled to get control over herself, each drag of breath left a sting in her sides. When she felt she had gathered enough strength, she pushed herself up. The familiar streets now looked foreign under her glossy eyes.

She staggered down the street to her left, carrying her heels in her hand as she walked slowly down the lonely path. Her steps were uneven, shaky as she swayed from side to side. Few steps, and her feet ached as the top of her dress clung to her skin, now soaked in tears. The heaviness in her chest grew with every breath.

She had left the restaurant half an hour ago, but the tears hadn’t stopped neither had the pain reduced. How didn't she see it coming?

Why was she so blind to Jace's disappointment?

He didn’t even have the courtesy call.

The lights of the city blurred in her vision as she fought to walk straight, to preserve whatever was left of her stained dignity. She could feel her walls crumbling inside. Every step she took felt heavier than it should. She had her hands folded across her chest, shaking but it wasn't the cold.

It was him, how could he?

After everything—after asking for one more chance, after pleading for a date. She had felt that this was it, this felt real, but at least, he left her again. This time felt almost as bad as the first one, like he loved shaming her in public.

He had looked her in the eyes and made her believe that he was different this time but he wasn’t.

She turned a corner and kept going for thirty minutes before she finally noticed the strange buildings around her. She looked around as she couldn't recognize any buildings around her. She turned around, retracing her steps quickly till she reached the corner, realizing that she had made the wrong turn.

He had made her wait at that candlelit table like some foolish girl in a romance serious gone wrong. All she had wanted was one moment of honesty, a single moment to believe that maybe, just maybe, Jace had changed.

But no. He was the same man who left her at the altar. The same man who couldn't be bothered to stay for what should have been their most cherished moment together.

She got closer to her apartment as the familiar buildings in her neighborhood came into view. The memory of how his face softened whenever he visited her, how he looked at her when he thought she wasn’t watching, circled her mind as she turned towards her apartment.

A single question ran through her mind as she stopped at her doorpost. How could someone look at her like that and still hurt her so deeply?

Clara stumbled into her apartment, pulling the door shut behind her. She turned and slowly turned the lock, then, with her back to the door, she crumbled gently till she reached the mat. She pulled her knees up to her chest as silent sobs escaped her parted lips.

She hugged her bare knees to her chest, trying to breathe, trying to stop the scream she had trapped inside all along.

Her eyes and her throat burned from the repeated sobs. Her heart felt like it had been split into pieces all over again.

She crawled to the couch, resting her weight on its side. She clutched a pillow against her chest like it could keep the scream from coming out, like it could prevent the tears. She lay there for a while, literally losing track of time as every second merged into one.

Restlessly, she glanced at her phone. 11:15 PM. She bit her bottom lip hard, nearly drawing blood. Don’t call him, she told herself, he has made his choice.

But then another voice pushed through her mind, breaking her thoughts. If he had rejected me, wouldn’t I feel it?

She hadn’t felt it, not even a bit. She still felt that strong pull to him.

After a while, she sat up, reaching for her phone in her bag so quickly, it nearly fell out of her hand. The screen lit up, and her expression dampened further. Inside, she was expecting to see a call or message from him.

She navigated through the phone, bringing out his contact in seconds. Her thumb hovered over the dial button. She peered into her phone, the thought of what she would say kept running in her mind till she finally tapped it.

No answer.

She tried again.

Still nothing.

Then she dialled it again.

Straight to voicemail for the third time in a row.

She flung the phone onto the couch and pressed the pillow tightly against her chest again. Her body vibrated again as silent sobs slipped from her lips. Her skin felt too draggy, beads of sweat had formed over her body as her dress clung to her.

She sat there for a while, mentally telling herself to stop caring.

"It's time to let go," she muttered under her breath.

She knew she'd been right to leave him at first. This pain was proof of why she needed to stay away.

After what felt like ages, she pushed herself off the floor, walking slowly to the mirror. Her eyes were red and bulging. Her makeup was all smudged up. Her lips quivered when she tried to breathe deeply.

She couldn't recognize the girl who stared back at her.

Her fingers moved slowly, reaching for the zipper of her dress. She pulled it down slowly, the fabric sliding off her shoulder gently. Her fingers brushed over her bare skin, trembling slightly.

But what she saw in the mirror now scared her more than ever, a figure she knew she had created, but she already knew what to do.