Chapter 5... Guilty hands

Diana

So, it suddenly dawned on me that I never explained what happened between Adam and me which made me act crazy. Silly me! Ever since that boy arrived, my head has not been set straight. Let me take you back to the previous night.

I was alone, not because there was no event to attend but because I refused to attend any. It wasn't like I was directly invited, I just had friends that were way cooler than I was.

So, I was alone, out of choice, licking a bowl of ice cream–not to drown my social life sorrow– because it was my favourite thing to do alone. My eyes were glued to the stupid reality tv show I got hooked on thanks to my aunt. An emergency came up at work, so she ordered me to save the show for her so she could watch it later. With that plan arranged, I was surprised when she rushed into the house like a mad woman, her hair in disarray as she dropped her purse and things and sped into the living room like her life depended on it.

I was waving my welcome when she yanked the ice cream bowl away from me and took my spoon out of my hand. Yeah, she loved ice cream like I did, if not more than I did.

“I thought you asked me to save the show. Why are you home?” I asked but she placed a finger on my lips to silence me and I kept quiet. All through the show, if she wasn't blaming this bloke with the oily hair named Santos, she was yelling at this botoxed lady with the unmoving face called Sandra. It was a miracle she still had her voice when the ending credits rolled in.

After the show, she passed me the empty ice cream bowl and told me to get the backyard set while she arranged the dinner she brought home.

Letting out a sigh, I did as ordered and waited for her to join me. While waiting, my eyes wandered to the sky full of stars and I remembered my parents and my brother. They were all star freaks. They would plan trips to visit one planetarium after another, and seminars that had to do with the stars. I was always dragged along because unlike them, I had zero interest in knowing too much about the stars. I preferred to just look up and take in their glory.

The thought of the family I no longer had physically had my chest spazzing out of order. I leaned forward as I clutched my heart, breathing in and out to steady myself but it wasn't working.

«Sis, take a gentle breath in and out. Don't try to force your lungs to work, work with it instead.» I heard my brother say in my head. Walter came out and I could see the worry in his eyes, which was weird as hell, but it had me regaining my composure. My aunt chose that moment to come to join me.

She asked immediately if I was okay and I told her that I was fine, assuring her that I has taken my drugs. With that assurance given, she sat down but still had her hawk-like eyes on me. I joined her and we began to eat, not waiting for Flavia since she doesn't have dinner with us. We made a lot of small talk before she said something that had me taking pause.

“I realized today how blessed I am when a schoolmate of mine came in dead. I tried not to bawl as I saw her kids crying their eyes out and her husband looking so lost like his life just finished. The crazy thing was that she wasn't sick, just didn't wake up.”

I studied her face and saw the sadness of losing a friend etched on her beautiful face.

“She had everything, when I say everything, I mean it. Her life was utterly perfect, yet she is dead.” She broke a piece of bread into two before slowly dipping it in cream. “Made me think of my life. I am a single mom to two children, abandoned by my husband who left me to be with a girl he met while teaching at the university.” She said bitterly, a frown ruining her face. “My life has been one ordeal after another. It is like I was born to only experience bad things.”

I placed a hand on hers and squeezed it. She turned her head and I saw her eyes were glassy, but the tears didn't fall. I was inadequate during times like this because I never knew what to do or say, but as I opened my mouth, I knew this would help her feel better.

“You are an amazing mother. Flavia and I couldn't have had it any better elsewhere. You don't see your blessings because you can't see yourself, but I look at you and I admire the strong woman who is still super fun and cute as hell, despite her age. You might not have had it good when it comes to men, ” And she didn't have it good with any man at all. If my mother was right, it had been that way even when she was a teenager. “but I know and believe that it is just a matter of time before you find that man that would cherish you as much as you love those reality shows and soap operas. Just wait. And you won't die before you experience that.”

The tears fell then, rolling down her tanned cheek to fall on the table. I was beginning to feel weird because of her reaction when the doorbell rang. Quickly, I stood up and ran towards the door in my velvet shorts and chemise with my hair in one of my aunt's crazy bonnets. A relieved smile had taken residence on my face only to fall when I opened the door and found the singular reason why most ladies– older women inclusive–were acting like fools.

Adam was at my doorstep!!!!!!!!!

My mind whirled like crazy.

His grey eyes were so startling up close that I couldn't look away. His lips were upturned as he attempted to smile, but it came out uncertain.

“Hi! You don't know me because we haven't met, but I am–” He was cut short by my reaction. It wasn't a huge reaction, it was just me closing the door.

«Lies! you slammed the door.» My brother yelled angrily.

He was right, I slammed the door. I slammed the door so hard I was surprised it hadn't come off its hinges. But it was because I didn't have anything to say to him and he was getting to the part where his smooth velvet voice would stop to hear me speak. I wondered how anyone dared to talk to him. Plus, I suddenly realized that I was inappropriately dressed.

«I thought you said you don't have a crush on him again.»

I ignored my brother as I paced the front door, my hands under my chin as I thought of what to do. I knew he was still there because our door had a pentagon-shaped, stained glass that was on the same level as my face. He was probably wondering who this weirdo was. Walter took that time to come into the room. I could swear that he had a smirk on his face as he watched me panic. I tried to shoo my animal audience away, but the stubborn mule didn't do what I asked, instead he sat down on his brown butt and set his head on his hands.

Adam pressed the doorbell again, causing me to jump. Taking a repeated breath in and out, I steadied my nerves and opened the door again. This time, he wasn't smiling at all.

«I'm also not smiling at you.» My brother announced.

“I was about to say that Nancy gave me this lemon cake she baked and asked me to give you when you–”

He was cut short this time again because I slammed the door again, but it was after taking the cake out of his hands. I heard him swear, but I didn't get the exact thing that was said.

My hands were cold and frozen as I walked into the kitchen. I dropped the small, round cake on the countertop and stared at the hands that betrayed me.

“You were gone for a while. Who was that?” She asked me, but I couldn't reply because my tongue had gained weight out of shock. She didn't need me to say anything though because she saw the cake and happily ran to it while blessing Nancy with all her heart. I was still stuck asking my hands what they had done.